On this day, well I believe so, I was dragged into an ambulance at about two in the morning. The paramedics strapped me into the ambulance bed, and I was briskly taken to A&E only to be told the next day that my brain was fine. As with @Mahoney, I had a stroke in September, it was 2020. My reaction was one of blunted emotional response, “Just typical”. I thought I had lived a rough and ready life, I thought I had experienced my quota of ups and downs, and then a stroke came my way. The first year was a year of mental and physical adjustment, the fog, the confusion, the shuffling from one side of the room to the the other. The breathing difficulty, the pillow that felt like a stack of magazines, the insomnia, the giddiness, and the fatigue. Every day was an effort (and still is), but not as much, if I am to go by my stroke diary. Reading back, I discovered anew that I was a complete mess. I slept for hours every day, for months. Shuffling to the bathroom and back would require a long lie down. I didn’t shower for a couple of weeks after returning from hospital, and when I did start showering, I had to plan the day I felt able enough to wash.
The damage to my brain caused severe cognitive visual/spatial issues resulting in daily giddiness from the moment of waking to the moment of going to bed. I am gobsmacked at the daily disorientation I dealt with everyday to get where I am now, still with oculomotor and vestibular issues but not as debilitating as that first, horrendous year. I have to remember, at one point it enervated me to walk from one side of the kitchen over to the sink. Half an hour in the kitchen would baffle my brain about so much, it would send me to bed for a long nap. The first year was a year of research into the kind of stroke I had and the effects, as well as, constant physiotherapy. I seemed to spend every day exercising my symptoms, and doing very little else other than sleeping and eating. My garden got overgrown, the trees wispy and neglected, the pages of an unedited novel sat on my desk gathering dust, and I literally lived in my bed.
The second year brought about some better progress. My walking went from shuffling to walking like a gunslinger, but now my gait has adjusted to a more even and paced step. I still do visual tracking exercises and the like as I still get giddy as I walk, turn my head, or am surrounded by too much visual stimulus. This is still a daily challenge but has improved. The dyspnoea that plagued my every step has almost gone thanks to controlled and Zen breathing techniques.
I have learnt to push my symptoms until an uncomfortable point to gain more control over my rehabilitation progress and visualise the end goal. I have learnt to control my breathing, and use audio cues to stop nystagmus. I still get tinnitus every morning and every night. Not so acute at night as I listen to ambient space soundscapes on a smart speaker to help me sleep. I am still playing video games as part of my recovery programme, and have clocked thirty-three games thus far. It challenges my problem solving skills, motor control, reflexes, and helps me relax.
There have been some odd developments. I no longer get vertigo up high places, this is because I can’t judge distances, so my brain interprets standing on solid ground the same way it interprets being up high. I experienced this the other day cleaning our gutter, three storeys up, in a valley on the roof. Prior to stroke, this would have made me nervous, but as it is now. I’m okay with it. My associative memory has taken over my working memory, and has become a useful skill for keeping track of things I need to remember. It isn’t foolproof, but I know I can mostly rely on it. My ability to rationalise has sharpened, I think this is because I have to work in a more methodical way, and can’t afford to waste time. I have a deeper appreciation of what I am doing and where I am in any given moment. My lack of filter and disinhibition has made social situations easier, and talking to people a lot more effortless (It has also landed me in some sticky spots).
It still all is 1-2% improvements with a 15% upswing every few months. All around me, the world carries on, unabated, while I am still getting up off the ground. I am still of the opinion that I am building a better brain. I have had to make life choices that, seem to me, better ones I may not have made before the stroke. I am honoured to be among the wounded warriors who have received the most unusual of injuries, and are still embracing life.
I still find that, along with the challenge of stroke, interacting with other people can be onerous. Especially when they give advice on my symptoms, such as relating neurological fatigue to tiredness, or relating vertigo to cognitive spatial/visual awareness, or oversimplifying things such as the time needed to complete a task or do an activity. I wrote before, that the only person I can be useful to, is myself. I have continued that principle.
I am grateful for this forum and our community, without it, recovery would be gloomier. I have a five year rehabilitation plan. Next year, I plan on getting an electric moped, a lifestyle change. I have started fishing again, and have returned to making lotions and potions from herbaceous plants. For the record, today has been an off day. Symptoms are all over the place, can’t focus properly and get giddy every time I take a step, but I need to listen to my brain, and rest today. Thank goodness for the recent showers, the garden is soaking it up.
. I do too. I was a big kid before stroke and have always been into video games but the loss of feeling in my fingertips of my left hand has pretty much ruined most gaming. However, I refused to let it stop me playing so I bought a steering wheel & pedals which enables me to fully enjoy driving games. Most days after work I find an hour of Grand Turismo is a great stress reliever. I have also tried a few games with controller that don’t require perfect control.
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