anytime alan
i know how important it is to know you can talk to others who understand where your coming from...I have had some invaluable advice from people on this site..take care and keep in touch
thank you Wendy
Hi Wendy it is bloomin hard at times I try to walk away but it was hard when we were away on holiday. He has a lot to deal with especially with loosing his job and normally I have a lot of patience, but lately it is getting harder I think I need some my time, with a bottle of wine!
Susan
Hi - there are a lot of SS on this site who recommend that their partners/spouses ensure that they have some regular quality time, away from their caring role. Often that means that friends or other family members provide support and company for the SS, to enable this to happen. It may be difficult to organise, but in 'normal' circumstances most of us would have time away from partners, through work, separate interests, shopping etc So it's quite a hard thing to be spending time without any break - and it's such an emotionally charged situation that things are bound to snap from time to time. We've been married for 36 years, and hardly ever had an argument, but this last year, post-stroke, it doesn't take much for one of us to get grumpy!!
You do need some 'me' time, you will both benefit from it, and sounds as though you're ready to put that in place 
Take care and find that time xx
as always nic you speak a lot of sense
and if a bottle of wine helps enjoy ?
It really is up to us SS to give our partner time off. We need to manage for ourselves, at whatever level we can muster. And we need our partner fit and healthy so running them down with endless caring is bad for us and bad for the carer.
I know I am now "lucky" to be able to look after myself for a few days. But on day one I was not capable of anything. But it was my first thought to tell my wife to push off for coffee/lunch/a quiet read in the family room. Anything to get away from me for a while. And that course has gone on for 33 months. It is still as important now as it was on day one.
Colin
Ah, thanks June, it's only repeating what I've read from other contributors, I'm quite good at benefitting from their experiences!! I hope Mrs Anderson gets her bottle of vino!! I'd love one myself, but I'd be straight off to sleep - zzzzzzzzzzz
Take care xx
excellent and sensible advice Colin I tried to do it all but now realise I need to have a break no matter if it’s only to walk my dog or visit my sister
so thank you
Good plan June. You are a gold star. I know from this side of the coin what a difficult thing a stroke recovery is. Possibly worse from the carers viewpoint as you must see the changes etc more then we do. Its all so slow. When I looked at statistics for 2015 it seemed to suggest that 65% broke up with partners soon after stroke. Now I am not convinced of the accuracy of that particular figure however it does seem to happen a lot and I can understand why. One of my SS friends married after a stroke and their relationship is good and solid. I think that says a lot.
Best wishes
Colin
Hi all,
I have been reading these recent posts on frustration / anger and we know that coping with the long term effects of stroke, trying to overcome and adapt to these changes and accepting lasting difficulties can cause both the stroke survivors, and those closest to them to experience a range of emotions.
Stroke survivors may feel anxious, depressed, frustrated, confused or angry and these feelings may also happen because of the damage to their brain, but also they may struggle to come to terms with what has happened to them and feel afraid about what will happen. These are all normal feelings, but not something anyone should have to experience. I have therefore, provided some places of support below:
You might like to look at NHS Choices – Moodzone. This section of the NHS Choices website focuses on stress, anxiety and depression. It has self-help suggestions, a guide to therapy and counselling and a search box to find emotional support services in your area:
NHS Choices – Moodzone
Website: http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/low-mood-st...
Also, many people who have been affected by stroke find help and support from others who have had similar experiences. Local stroke support clubs and groups offer invaluable peer and social support. Through regular meetings and a programme of activities, they invite people to come together, share experiences, regain confidence, relearn skills, and try out new things. You can search for a support group or service in your area by clicking on the following link and searching by town or postcode:
https://www.stroke.org.uk/finding-support/support-services
You may also find the Emotional section of My Stroke Guide useful to look over as it provides some helpful resources, including videos of some stroke survivors with their experience of coping with these emotions:
https://mystrokeguide.com/advice-and-information/emotional
I hope this will be of help to some of you. You could also contact the stroke helpline if you'd like to talk to someone who has experience of stroke - 0303 3033 100
Take care
Vicki
hi Alan how’s things going..hope your ok
Hi everyone
My Mum had a massive stroke in March this year. She nearly died and a third of the left side of her brain has been damaged by the stroke. She spent 2 months at our local hospital stroke unit. Then was referred to a specialist brain injury rehab unit in May. She was progressing well with rehab there. Sadly she had heart failure a month ago and has been in the local London hospital since. Now that same rehab unit have said they won’t have Mum back as she needs her rehab to be less intensive and spread out over a longer period of time which they don’t do. Has anyone else lost their rehab place and how do I go about sorting to hi out ASAP? The hospital are discussing it all tomorrow. I assume I need to contact social workers etc. Meanwhile my poor Mum is struck in the hospital, bed blocking, while this get sorted out.
Well said Vicki, stroke affects not just the survivor but all the family especially the ones closest. Support from people who understand and from others affected by stroke is so important for everyone . Join a stroke group and a Carers group to find support and rebuild a new life might be a little different but you can improve it and make new friends x
Thank you, i will give that a try.
My hubby had a stroke in June aged 74. He lost all p peripheral vision on the right side, use of right arm. And leg and so.e memory especially anything to do with figures, time of day, days of week, what's happening when etc. He was running his I an Tour Operation company and now can't use a computer, read, watch tv any sense, use his tablet, phone etc. He seems to have given up with all of these things, won't have talking books etc. He's walking ok but is in a lot of pain so physio is hard and motivation low, he's also lost all confidence in daily tasks like making a hot drink, cooking toast etc. In case he scales/ burns himself. He can do it but doesn't want to.
Hi. Thanks for your reply. Hope your dad is doing ok. My dad still getting up at 3 or 4 and opening doors ready for the carer, mum has tried all sorts of clocks etc but no real progress yet.
Thanks wendy sorry for the very late reply
Thankyou for your reply sorry its very late havnt been on here for a while
No worries, hope things have improved for you - people will be glad to hear from you, everyone is looking out for each other.
Best wishes xx
Hello
I’m a very fit 82 yr old full time carer for my 87 yr old husband who is demented, frustrated and very anxious and depressed after a stroke in ‘17. I take the brunt of his depression. Unfortunately he never was desperately sociable, has always been intellectually arrogant and he is now very isolated socially. His anxiety about my whereabouts keeps me virtually imprisoned at times. I have one daughter very close to me and another further away who both support me a lot. A carer visits every week day to take him out for a walk and I use this time to escape for a short while. I’m currently having some counselling to help me with my feelings of loss surrounding my old self amd independent life and I would really like to meet other carers either in person or here.