My husband had a strop during the night mixing 'dreams with reality. My name was mud and many other things. He wanted to go to a care home. Hmm! Sounds tempting!
Emotions after stroke are very highly charged. I have said the same to my partner at times. I doubt he means it, but we all have moments when we think, is it really worth battling on? Hard to live with sometimes, though.
@H5JHR I hope you will forgive me for the sounds of giggling coming from my direction. The thought of you, I know we don’t know each other, packing his stuff in the morning and sternly ordering a taxi to take him away was a picture which was in my mind priceless.
I had a stroke some months ago and have also lived through that frustration and powerlessness that both partners feel at times, when in this situation. Somehow we get through it, I certainly don’t know what I would do without her. I myself wish I could give her a break and be less of a burden.
Then again there are couples both able bodied who are nevertheless miserable with one another. I suppose I should count my blessings and be grateful for what I have.
That wasn’t a taxi I heard pulling up outside, was it?
Keep on keepin’ on
On the subject of dreams.
In my dreams I am never disabled and revert to my pre stroke self. What is others experience ?
@H5JHR , I totally get where you’re coming from. Been there, got angry, took some frustration out on my wife, but then calmed down and changed my attitude. There is nothing gained from getting angry about something you couldn’t avoid so best to accept the situation you are now in. These are the cards he’s been dealt, it’s unfair but there are many people worse off with cancer and other horrible conditions.
Hopefully with time he will learn to accept it and appreciate your help (I know it’s not something you wished for either). Acceptance is the number one best thing I did in regards to my recovery. Might be worth showing your partner?
I did also (like Bobby) had a little smile as it reminded me of me .
Lastly, after a few bad months, I’d like to say that I actually have a closer relationship with my wife now, which became obvious a few months post stroke. 26 years of marriage does tend to lead you to take each other for granted but she is so important to me!
I’m sure things will improve, but if not you can always order him a taxi .
@H5JHR post stroke I have had some very vivid dreams & some awful nightmares. No idea if stroke or medication related but does lead to some strange conversations in the night.
I’m sure your husband didn’t mean what he said but if things get too much respite care could be an option. You could tell him thats what you’ll do if he continues. As others have said acceptance is a massive part of stroke recovery but not an easy place to get to.
Huntspete. Yes, in my dreams I am able bodied and running for trains and jumping on and off walls.
Interesting! Since my stroke my dreams have been more vivid (and often more bizarre). I, too, am not disabled in my dreams although, oddly, in my dream I often think I ought to be and am conscious that I am ‘acting the part’ for the people I am with in the dream, by using my walking sticks or I am driving something that, to my later waking mind, resembles my disability scooter. In some dreams this can be an ordinary dining chair which glides with satisfactory ease.
On the subject of relationships between stroke survivors and their ‘carers’, my ‘carer’ wife and I are both 88 years old. She has severe arthritis in both hips and knees making moving around both difficult and painful. To be the carer for someone who, despite slurred speech and absolutely no balance (among other things), seems, on the surface, to be in ‘good nick’, must be galling, to say the least, when you are responsible for everything, including meals. I understand this but still get up late and spend most of my daytime sitting in my chair, ‘working’ on my laptop. I have no words of wisdom for those of you in a similar situation but, perhaps I need to be more proactive by doing things, within my ability, without being asked.
Thanks for making me laugh Bobbi. I need a bit of humour to keep me going. By morning he thought he had just had a vivid dream! Hey ho.
My dreams are often nightmares. I get three grades. First are dreams , nothing new. Then there are nightmares which are disturbing. I am determined not to talk or even think about them, to minimize the impact. They are mixtures of current life, with hospitals majoring or bad things from the past. Then there are night terrors, which are the worst nightmares and they do not stop when I wake up. They take over the following days activity. I have to take great care not to take these terrors as real life. Again, talking about them is bad news. I am amazed how things from the past dredge up with amazing clarity, For instance, I can see where I lived as a four years old. Long forgotten relatives pop in to the scenes. My current disability does feature, eg I cant walk nor run and I do crash in to things.
I been accused of all sorts by my husband been called all sorts cause in his head im either going leave or have affair
Than he will dream he playing football with the boys he walking the dog driving the car all the things he use to do before his stroke 2 years ago
To me the dreams show some kind of hope
As for him accused me of all sorts i just tell him if he carry on i hoist him into his wheelchair and push him out for rag and bone man to collect