Losing friends

[joy.alliy]

I haven’t been online for a while. Too many things going on in my life what are mostly stress related.

I know so many people have lost friends after a stroke, and I always wondered why it happens. I’m one of people that need scientific reasons why people are the way they are in order to have some sort of closure or understanding.

I came across this article that explains why people lose friends after a stroke. I hope it will help many of us who never quite understood why this happened to us.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/share/HWKDGWYNB6XYFHPDVQMM?target=10.1111/j.1460-6984.2011.00079.x

[Rups]

Thanks for sharing @joy.alliy, sorry to hear you are dealing with stress related situations. I know of many stroke survivors who say that after stroke they have learnt who their true friends are. Conversely, for myself, I was always a bit of a recluse before stroke and then after my friendship circle grew exponentially, all stroke survivors ! However, I couldn’t have asked for a better circle of friends.

I had five friends before stroke but unfortunately one died young from a heart attack. Now, I have four and two of those live overseas. My two friends who I see regularly have been pretty good with my sometimes awkward post stroke symptoms. To be honest, they’ve put up with quite a lot. Although, I consider them fairly eccentric with their own set of non-stroke issues.

For me, plants, animals and dead authors provide exceptional company. However, human beings in general are socially wired and benefit from contact.

[Mrs5K]

Thank you for sharing the article I’m sorry to hear about your stress issues & hope you manage to resolve them soon or at least that they get easier for you. I have been fortunate in that most of my friends have rallied around & really been there for me. I have a small circle of friends but that suits me. There have been a couple who have gone very quiet but I think they probably just don’t know what to do or say.
Best wishes xxx

[Loshy]

@joy.alliy i thought I hadn’t seen you for a while and I have been thinking of you! Take it easy life is so short sending you hugs x

[Ingo66]

Hi @joy.alliy, I noticed you hadn’t been on for a while (& missed you). I don’t have many friends other than work colleagues, who I’ve known for ages - consider as friends. They were really nice & supportive all through my time between stroke & gradual return to work. This is one of the reasons I was driven to get back to work (plus I find it good for my “new” brain as it gives me a sense of purpose).
I have to say I definitely consider all you lovely guys & gals on here as my friends now (special stroke friends) that probably understand me better than most.
I hope you also consider us as friends?
Even if we are a bit wierd!

[JuliaH]

Morning @joy.alliy and hello👋. Thank you so much for sharing this article it was a helpful read. I have never been gregarious but at the same time need human contact. I relied more heavily than I realised on work for this. Not only that but a sense of purpose, of providing a service. It was part of my identity. This has all been abruptly ended by the stroke. Being unable to reciprocate is also discussed which is important to me too as I feel as if I have a limited amount to offer and rely on people visiting me as unable to drive or do public transport. As a result I really only have contact with my husband and family over the phone. Others who were very supportive at the start have fallen away one by one. I am partly to blame for that, second guessing that I make them upset and it’s too much like hard work so I have withdrawn. Thank you for helping me assess this and try and make some logical sense of it. I am going to message one of those people right now who is recovering from an operation and no doubt could do with cheering up. Hope things improve for you stress wise soon, Julia

[Loshy]

@JuliaH your words is exactly how I feel thank you loraine

[Mrs5K]

@joy.alliy that all sounds very stressful. Hope things settle for you soon. In the meantime we’re all here for you.
Best wishes xx