My husband had a tia a few weeks ago and I feel I caused it, or was a big contributor.
We have had a lot of stress this year and I have taken a lot of my anger and frustration out on him. There have been many arguments, heated phone calls whilst at work and generally ive treated him badly. Things were particularly bad the week he had the TIA, i was horrible to him.
There will be big changes going forward, I just wondered whether anyone else felt similar to this. Im not sure how im going to live with the guilt of this.
@Karenemma Hi, perhaps it is possible for you to help yourself get through this. You don’t know whether any relationship problems were a contributing factor, but even if they were you can’t do anything to change that now. You can however turn your attention and love towards helping your husband. That can only be a good thing and might help you both to feel better about your situation.Good luck and best wishes to both of you.
So, you can either continue to beat yourself up over this and risk making yourself ill into the bargain. Or you can forget the past, concentrate on the here and now and how to make life bettwer for both of you moving forward. Because chances are, he was a TIA/stroke just waiting to happen regardless and you know you are not out of the woods.
Hello, I am in a position similar to yours but I had a stroke. One very prominent thing to me was/is not wanting my wife to feel like she caused it. Maybe he feels the same about it.
@Karenemma whilst stress can play a part in someone having a stroke / TIA there are many other factors too. You will never know for sure whether it contributed or not.
You cannot undo what has been done but you can concentrate on improving things going forward & as @Strings has said concentrate on helping your husband going forward.
If you are really struggling with guilt then I would suggest speaking with your GP to see if you can get some asdistance to help you lose the guilt feeling.
Your husband probably doesn’t want you to feel guilty either. I know if it was me I’d be mortified if I thought my partner was feeling that way.
Hi Karen Emma and welcome to this forum . Nobody knows what causes stroke but high blood pressure (and too much alcohol can cause this), high sugar levels , atrial fibrillation can cause it. Like everyone has said feeling guilty won’t change what happened to your husband so show that love and support now . I know that I’m blessed wx a supportive and loving husband and family and I’m grateful for their love every day especially when I’m feeling rubbish. None of us can change the past but we can all do something about the future. Give your husband my best wishes for his recovery journey and all best wishes for you as well. Virtual hugs suzywong
Thank you all for your lovely messages, I really appreciate them. There will definitely be some big changes moving forward…
Well it looks like the cause of the TIA is unknown… the last test we were waiting for was the heart monitor for Afib and it was normal. Im pleased but also if we knew what caused it it may be easier to deal with.
They never checked cholesterol levels which is the one result we wanted to know. They will be checked after a month of being on statins.
Just wondered if anyone had a tia with an unidentified cause, and didnt have any further attacks/strokes…
As others have said in different ways - there is an awful lot of "could of, would of, should of " post a stroke, indeed post anything bad happening - It’s a psychological effect of the state of regret.
Also as said; there’s nothing that you can do about the history other than use it as a motivator to change the future. That’s where your opportunity lies but it may be difficult to get to.
You are now a fellow strokewarrior - of the carer/ partner variety - the stroke’s effects on you will be different but no less severe in their own way - the same if you have children - you could look for sources of care and support for yourself!
The NHS sees the survivor but doesn’t see the rest of the changed people involved .
I wonder whether your post is sign that you would benefit from finding professional care? Don’t be afraid to both ask for help from the health services and you may also find support groups near you or online - Click the blue text for the link
There are loads everywhere. Different Strokes also runs many and they have information packs particularly aimed at children look at their website for details or I can give you the link
@Karenemma It is common for people not to find out a cause for their stroke / TIA. There are never any guarantees but it is also possible that it will never happen again. All you can do is try & live the healthiest life you can (good diet, reduce alcohol intake, don’t smoke, stay fit, keep stress & BP levels under control etc). But even after all that you can never completely rule out anything happening again.
It’s natural to be anxious about it, especially in the early days but in time the anxiety should reduce.
See if you can have a chat with your GP or consultant about your concerns. They can hopefully put your mind at rest a bit.
I had a TIA in 1991 and a stroke more than 30 years later. As I was young when I had the TIA I had no tests for the cause, I was told to give up smoking and that was that. I recovered 100% and forgot all about it.
When I had the stroke, I had as many tests as I could have and found I had a hereditary disease that caused me to have abnormally narrow arteries. I should have been taking blood thinners since the TIA, that would have stopped me having the stroke.
I do think it’s important to try and find out why a TIA happened but I know that’s not always possible, especially if you have to rely on the NHS. Does your partner have private medical cover at all that would enable him to have additional testing ? I had a MRI and a MRA that found out about my condition eventually, just wish I’d had it 30 years ago. I’m sure many of us are walking around with undiagnosed health issues that testing could resolve, what a lot of heartache that would save.