Feeling s of guilt
Does anyone have feelings of guilt over their stroke
I sometimes feel I have let the family down, failed them in that my body failed forcing an unnecessary burden on my wife and children, I am her to look after them not the other way around
Struggle sometimes but bu tam I unique in my thoughts
@mrfrederickson Nope, you’re not unique in this feeling. I too initially felt guilt for having a stroke.
I felt as if I’d let myself down and as a knock on effect, my family too.
That said, you have to put what happened into context and move on from that feeling as it serves no purpose. Having a stroke is simply outside of our control, there are so many other things that can happen to people that result in a disability, growing older, an accident, a disease or illness, we can’t control those either.
I appreciate what you’re really getting as is you feel you are putting extra pressure on your wife and family. Your family love you, they would rather have you around than the alternative,
Think of it from another angle, if something had happened to someone you love, you would care and support them the way they care and support you now, that’s what family do.
Encourage your wife spends some ‘me-time’ for herself, she needs some downtime to recharge, that way you’ll feel you’re giving something back.
I think I did to some extent at the begining but over time realise there was nothing I could have done differently. I didn’t smoke or over drink, wasn’t over weight and kept fairly fit. Sometimes you just get bad cards dealt!
Think of it another way. What about those poor souls who get aggressive terminal cancer or Motor Neurone Disease, they didn’t do anything to deserve it.
At least we have all got a shot of making something of what we have left. We were unlucky but nowhere near as unlucky as some.
No point in thinking poor me or what could have been. Best to make the most of what we have. Things like spending the time helping and talking to others on here is very rewarding, satisfying and certainly not something I could have seen myself doing before.
Friends, family and work colleagues won’t blame you (or if they do it’s their problem). Don’t feel guilt, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Hi, you are not unique and I certainly still have feelings of guilt. I’m 6 years post stroke and still have those feelings when I’m going through a rough patch. I’ve said to my husband that it would have been easier if I hadn’t survived my hemorrhagic stroke and that they could have moved on without me being a burden.His reply is unprintable!!
I know these thoughts are not good for me but it’s hard to shake them off when you’re feeling down. I’m always encouraging my husband to go out and enjoy himself without me but then I feel guilty because I know he worries if I’m on my own. I just try to struggle through and make tomorrow a better day.
Hi Sue I’m lucky my wife loves walking and train our year old Labrador, which keeps her sane thankfully plus evening’s out with our daughter, the local carers group has walks and meals to keep them all positive.
I know you still feel guilty after even 6 years but surely you have a fare amount of normal life operating as you want it and I ha discussed the should have died but and everyone family and friends say they would rather have me as I am than not at all so take heart you are wanted and loved and contribute to their lives, just hang in there it will come good, that’s the talking to I give myself so we need to keep each other on the path to recovery
@mrfrederickson you’re definitely not alone with those thoughts. I feel a burden on my husband often but as he constantly reminds me he’d rather have me here as I am than not have me here.
As @Ingo66 said we have the opportunity to improve others don’t get that. My dad had no choice in his terminal cancer & when i’m feeling sorry for myself I think of how well my dad handled the cards he was dealt. We can’t change what has happened but we can influence how we move forward.
Your family love you & i am sure do not think of you as a burden. Try to focus on the positives & what you can do to help them too. That only needs to be something small.
But as a team you will get to where you want to get to, you need each other and the rest of your loving family too.
My stroke was May 2022, my goals for 2023 were to get back to work and get back to driving…my ultimate goal is to get back walking properly and running and playing tennis.
Driving is underway, car ordered and starting work iver next few weeks too.
The other stuff will come in time too i know that and will strive as hard as i can to make it happen