Feeling s of guilt
Does anyone have feelings of guilt over their stroke
I sometimes feel I have let the family down, failed them in that my body failed forcing an unnecessary burden on my wife and children, I am her to look after them not the other way around
Struggle sometimes but bu tam I unique in my thoughts
I think I did to some extent at the begining but over time realise there was nothing I could have done differently. I didn’t smoke or over drink, wasn’t over weight and kept fairly fit. Sometimes you just get bad cards dealt!
Think of it another way. What about those poor souls who get aggressive terminal cancer or Motor Neurone Disease, they didn’t do anything to deserve it.
At least we have all got a shot of making something of what we have left. We were unlucky but nowhere near as unlucky as some.
No point in thinking poor me or what could have been. Best to make the most of what we have. Things like spending the time helping and talking to others on here is very rewarding, satisfying and certainly not something I could have seen myself doing before.
Friends, family and work colleagues won’t blame you (or if they do it’s their problem). Don’t feel guilt, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Thanks for the wise words,Mahoney
Will try to absorb them and let go of my negative feelings.
My recovery is my biggest priority and my driving force until I get to a state I’m comfortable with. That may be some years in the future
Hi, you are not unique and I certainly still have feelings of guilt. I’m 6 years post stroke and still have those feelings when I’m going through a rough patch. I’ve said to my husband that it would have been easier if I hadn’t survived my hemorrhagic stroke and that they could have moved on without me being a burden.His reply is unprintable!!
I know these thoughts are not good for me but it’s hard to shake them off when you’re feeling down. I’m always encouraging my husband to go out and enjoy himself without me but then I feel guilty because I know he worries if I’m on my own. I just try to struggle through and make tomorrow a better day.
Take care and keep keeping on.
Regards Sue
Hi Sue I’m lucky my wife loves walking and train our year old Labrador, which keeps her sane thankfully plus evening’s out with our daughter, the local carers group has walks and meals to keep them all positive.
I know you still feel guilty after even 6 years but surely you have a fare amount of normal life operating as you want it and I ha discussed the should have died but and everyone family and friends say they would rather have me as I am than not at all so take heart you are wanted and loved and contribute to their lives, just hang in there it will come good, that’s the talking to I give myself so we need to keep each other on the path to recovery
Great words Mark…sums up my thoughts exactly…it happened cant change that… couldn’t prevent it, can only influence what happens afterwards. Each day one day at a time
To add to it you feel bad when they are out there enjoying themselves and you know you cannot join in, it’s a stinker, getting bored with the whole stroke mess.
@mrfrederickson you’re definitely not alone with those thoughts. I feel a burden on my husband often but as he constantly reminds me he’d rather have me here as I am than not have me here.
As @Ingo66 said we have the opportunity to improve others don’t get that. My dad had no choice in his terminal cancer & when i’m feeling sorry for myself I think of how well my dad handled the cards he was dealt. We can’t change what has happened but we can influence how we move forward.
Your family love you & i am sure do not think of you as a burden. Try to focus on the positives & what you can do to help them too. That only needs to be something small.
Keep going. You’re doing great.
Thanks I will make something of the cards I’ve been dealt
Still early days entering year 3 long way to go, but celebrate my loving family and wife to whom I am eternally grateful.
Wise words indeed, its a long journey this recovery lark and we have to show our lived ones how hard we are trying to improve and get stronger with their unconditional love and support.
And any small win is a win!!! For me ive needed help stwpping out of my house, but ive worked out a way i can do it safely so another thing i can do independently now
Look how far youve come so far and take huge pride ftom that.
The difficulties are registering that improvement, it’s so hard to quantify
I agree but try and record them in a journal maybe ?
Thanks it seems like slow motion but after 2 years into my third I have managed to carve out some sort of existence not fully independent from my wife but doing so much more than last year
Thats brilliant and im sure she is very proud of you for the continued effort youre making
Yes getting out of and back in to the house are currently a challenge as the threshold step causes me issues with my badly working left leg, a matter of time
Yes but sadly I invented the word more and until I have reached my goals I won’t be satisfied
Having goals is absolutely key to recovery always strive for more!!! But its definitely a marathon not a sprint!!!
She is proud and it makes the work she puts in on my behalf more valued and helps her commitment, but it’s a long slog , the marathon of my life so more tortoise and less hate.
But as a team you will get to where you want to get to, you need each other and the rest of your loving family too.
My stroke was May 2022, my goals for 2023 were to get back to work and get back to driving…my ultimate goal is to get back walking properly and running and playing tennis.
Driving is underway, car ordered and starting work iver next few weeks too.
The other stuff will come in time too i know that and will strive as hard as i can to make it happen
Yes I hear what you say my goals are planned with my wife, hoping to start a new job soon but unless my vision comes good soon driving is a thing of the past unless it’s as a passenger