Hiya,
Yes, I know how you feel but at the same time, I’m finding that my life is a bit better than it was. Pre-stroke, I was suffering from very high cholesterol which I found difficult to keep under control due to problems taking statins. That’s what caused the stroke which was mild (but affected my mobility and balance - and I’m not out of the woods yet…) and I now realise that it was rather like a ‘warning shot across the bows’. Once in hospital I was finally prescribed a statin which suits me so my cholesterol level has dropped like a stone. Definitely a silver lining ! And having the stroke gave me a new perspective on life : it’s precious and short, I felt I’d dodged quite a bullet and it made me look at everything differently. So I decided to retire after over 30 years in the same job (I was almost 60 at the time anyway) and we moved house last year to pursue new challenges/adventures. The present cost of living crisis is NOT helping, of course, but I feel that we made the right decision. I’m still not 100% fit but getting there. I wish you loads of good luck with your recovery. Sometimes these things happen for a reason and allow us to reassess everything.
Hi @TootieB, yes I do also. Four years on from my stroke I still get angry regarding how my personality has changed and fustrated at what I cannot no longer do.
Then I give myself a shake and have to remind myself that I am still here and a lot better off than many people and life goes on.
It has changed me though.
I’d like to add that even without a stroke we often mourn the old us. Just getting older means there are things we can no longer do. A stroke and everything that brings obviously makes a greater sense of loss, but its a sense of loss nonetheless. We all have to come to terms with it, and as you say be grateful for survival and what you still have to enjoy.
Hi I’m Maggie, I had my stroke 8months ago and although I’m grateful to be alive I’m struggling to accept changes in my body ie memory loss. difficult walking, headaches and losing my confidence. I have recently bought myself a walker which is helping me go out and get some exercise as I live alone I have been isolating a lot and sometimes afraid to go out. Thankyou all for letting me join this group.
@George1231 Hi Maggie, welcome to the forum. I hope you find it useful & supportive. Lots of lovely people on here.
Pleased to see you are managing to fet yourself out a bit. Your confidence will return in time i’m sure.
Best wishes.
Ann xx
Hi Binty, welcome to the forum.
I dont reply to all but reading everyones posts , their feelings there experiences its like a family outside of my family.
You all keep me going daily at times x
Tootie,
Human beings are not all the barbaric savages and nicumpoops that our news media would have you believe
My fiancé had a stroke and I was the one who called the paramedics. I went to visit her in the ICU everyday. When they transferred her to the long term care facility, I was there everyday and even helped her physical therapists with her treatment. Sometimes stroke survivors make illogical and impulsive decisions as I was told. I say this because she abruptly decided to end our engagement and return to Missouri with her family.
Some of her friends have told me that she doesn’t like living there anymore. In fact, she texted me the same statement days ago. We still chat. While some may deem what I’m doing illogical or perhaps stupid, I’m still waiting for her. She struggles with what you have talked about in your prior posts.
appreciation that stroke affects all the people in a network of relationships is generally too narrow without sufficient design or availability of support
I hope things resolve for you
I cannot say for certain whether your wisdom on your post was to mention what I had previously written but I appreciate your well wishes and insight.
She lived in Maryland with me and suddenly wished to go back to live with her folks in Missouri. I’ve heard from friends of hers she’s not happy there and she’s even texted me that herself.
I continue to have faith she’ll come around.
Once again, thank you for the well wishes
That makes a bit more sense Simonin Edinburgh. I was thinking that’s a long way. Probably needs a thread on its own - it would not surprise me if survivors make such decisions thinking it relieves a partner. But the situation is too personal to judge. Time will reveal the reality if you remain there for her. One way or another.
I find this this the hardest thing, losing me. I had my stroke just over 6 months ago. Im slowly recovering physically, I lost all feeling down my left side, but the biggest thing I’ve lost is me, mark! I look at myself in the mirror , I’ve lost lots of weight and I look different, but as you say It’s the inner self your soul that you don’t recognise anymore. I keep fighting, but each day I seem to loose abit more of me. The last few weeks, I’ve began to realise I have to accept the old me is beginning to move further away, and I have to try and create a new me. Xx
Ken what u said is exactly like me when I look in the mirror I see my dads face I’ve lost 3 stone 
I’m 18 months down the road I loved what u said about our souls . I’m writing a book inspired by my family history I started it a couple of years before my stroke . I ve picked it up again and started writing I recaptured a bit of the old me and it felt good . Hobbies are good to have best wishes christine
Hi @TootieB , me again !!!
Somthing I’ve found really useful over the last few months is to realise that wanting to be like ‘the old me ‘ (i.e being able to run 10k every day ) is about as sensible as wanting to be Rafa Nadal !!! The ‘old me’ was now 2 years younger , hadn’t had a stroke and was still working. No matter how much I want to - I can never be that person again , just as I will never be Rafa Nadal ! So I am trying to focus on enjoying every day , doing the things I want to and taking the ‘me’ I am today forward, making sure that I ‘am present’ in the small every day things that I love - going for walks with my gorgeous wife, enjoying a beer down the pub with my son or daughter (am extremely proud of both of them). I love the poetry of Thomas Hardy and now keep in my head the last verse from ‘The Self-Unseeing’ ……
“Childlike I danced in a dream
Blessings emblazoned that day;
Everything glowed with a gleam
Yet we were looking away.”
So am trying to make sure that I am not so busy trying to be the ‘old’ me that I’m ‘looking away’ from all the blessings I have today.
Over the last 2½ years I’ve noticed the folk who life journey seems best are the ones who say "I had a stroke, it was an event on life’s path (with effects…)” they aren’t looking backwards but forward
To trade Omar Khayyam for Hardy
" The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it."
Which makes all the medical chat about "REcovery & REhabilitation” a misplaced motivation. My motivation is to build the best abilities I can as progress from where I am.