Greiving the old me

Hoping someone on here understands me , does anyone grieve who they used to me ? Im not who i used to be in so many ways but im grateful im still here.

Im just noticing changes in all aspects of me

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@TootieB oh yes, I think a big part of moving forward is grieving for the pre stroke you & accepting that things will be different going forward.

Different doesn’t necessarily mean bad though. There are some parts of the new me that I quite like.

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Me too! Something are welcome i just sat down and could of cried about the old me, i didnt i held it in. Couldnt explain this feeling other then greif.

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Waves! Thats exactly it tonight it jsut flowed over me.

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Hi @TootieB

I completely understand where you are coming from. This is something im really struggling with too, 8 weeks post stroke and I keep trying to speed my recovery to get back to my old self. Im struggling to accept that might never happen.

Just like you, i try to be positive and im so grateful to be here. If there’s anything ive learnt from being a SS is to appreciate the finer things in life, to be content with however my life is right now, as it could have been alot worse.

Maybe a warm soak, some aromatherapy might help?

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Hi, you are not alone, I think we all grieve for the person we were at some point and thats perfectly normal. I’m 6 years post stroke which paralysed my left side and I still have days when I feel really sad and could cry on and off all day. I try not to go there but it’s not always easy.

I wish you well and hope your recovery goes in the right direction.

Regards Sue

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@TootieB I too am grieving the old me, I also noticed changes in me .I found my tastes buds have changed a lot. But I am slowly beginning to love the new me. Good luck in your recovery

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This is why i love this group no judging nothing sounds silly nhst pure support, thank you all. I appreciate all the replies nd suggestions, im not alone as it feels at time xx

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My experience has been that looking forward to what i can do has been a better approach for us (my wife, kids & I) than dwelling on what wooda-shooda-coulda that we cant change
May be not easy for some and we all face different challenges but i suggest it as an aim if one can :slight_smile:

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@TootieB As everyone else says , this is somthing I definitely recognise. I used to love running as a way of de-stressing from life, getting outside and keeping in shape. That was taken away from me , and 12kg have joined me from the lack of activity !!

I try to focus on how luckily I have been (which is extremely lucky compared to most people who have suffered a stroke !!) and all the good things there re in life still to be enjoyed.

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@KeithP63 i used to be a runner too & I do miss it. Was a great way of destressing & winding down. I have accepted running is a very long way off if ever but still miss it. I fill my time with other stuff now & like you try to focus on how fortunate I have been compared to some.

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I have been hemiplegic for sixteen years and still I feel the frustration. However, I also am glad, if surprised, to have been spared.

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@Loshy i still have a return to running as a goal but for now i’d be happy to becable to walk properly :joy::joy: i like the cake idea…i’d better get baking :man_cook::man_cook::man_cook: well done on your 10 lb weight loss. Thats a huge amount. If you lose any more can you send it to me pleade :blush::blush:

@Mahoney i totally agree no matter how positive & forward looking we are there are always those moments where we can’t help looking back at what once was.

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Yes, definite agreed
When I’m doing laundry the fact it takes so long to fold etc is always a tension between how long it now takes and the fact what I can do now is so much more than a year ago because I’m always pushing the boundary because I’m looking towards what will be. Looking forward isn’t (for me) ignoring the impacts. it’s directing focus

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TootieB, I feel your pain over what is very much a sense of loss. Some even link this feeling to being like a bereavement, so deep is the feeling of loss. If we remain there, however, it becomes so difficult to lift the head and see any future. I don’t pretend it is easy, but instead of looking back on what is lost, I like to look forward to what I can do - and the phrase I love - ‘learn to love the new you!’
Exploit that feeling of gratitude you mentioned - and make the most of it!

Kind regards and richest blessings
Stewart

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@Stewart1 I think its hitting home and overwhelming me at the minute. I know ill be fine once this dark cloud blows over.
My taste has changed so ive decided to embrace all different foods and drinks see what I like now !!

‘Embrace the new’, TootieB! I like it! Could be such an interesting journey to find out what you now like! And remember, if anyone has a problem with any of the difficulties, differences or changes, then it is their problem, not yours!

Kind regards and richest blessings!

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Tootie-

You picked a great place to post- the people here are some of the most caring, considerate, genuine, and empathetic people who would not lead you astray with regards to you wanted the “old tootie” to comeback. Have patience to persevere and endure- as Tennyson once wrote:-
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved Heaven and earth
That which we are, we are
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate
But strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield

Stay the course, Tootie. Persevere and with patience, it is with hope that in time you will prevail!

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Yes we all understand your dilemma as we have all been there.
Almost four years on I feel resentful at times even though I am outwardly recovered the mental scars are still there.
My youngest granddaughter was born whilst I was in hospital & I felt fortunate to see her 3 weeks after leaving hospital, I even managed to drive some of the way to meet up.
Six months after to celebrate my survival all 4 of my daughters & partners plus 8 of my 10 grandchildren joined my wife & me in Spain where we spend most of winter.
Four years on I am still here, life is great but I have to work around my issues so lots to be grateful for.

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I also think about what i used to be able to do before my subarachnoid brain haemorrage years ago. I also suffer from Osteoporosis, i fall over quite often. So i am frightened all the time if i fall will i break something. But after all this i am still alive and kicking. You will find ways to cope with who you are now. :pray:

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