Hoping someone on here understands me , does anyone grieve who they used to me ? Im not who i used to be in so many ways but im grateful im still here.
Im just noticing changes in all aspects of me
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Evening @TootieB i think we all do so you’re not on your own. We learn to live with our new version 2 and find other outlets or hobbies. You will get over it, it comes in waves sometimes try deep breathing or mindfulness it does help. I wish you recovery kind regards loraine
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@TootieB oh yes, I think a big part of moving forward is grieving for the pre stroke you & accepting that things will be different going forward.
Different doesn’t necessarily mean bad though. There are some parts of the new me that I quite like.
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Me too! Something are welcome i just sat down and could of cried about the old me, i didnt i held it in. Couldnt explain this feeling other then greif.
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Waves! Thats exactly it tonight it jsut flowed over me.
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@TootieB you will have better days but crying is good and it vents that feeling sending a big hug 
and keep talking to us. Watch a feel good movie or program it does help. Kind wishes Loraine
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@TootieB yes, I think to some extent we all grieve for the person we were pre stroke. Try counselling, talking about your feelings can help, as Lorraine mentions deep breathing and mindfulness can help centre you too. Writing a journal/diary has benefits.
You’re strong, you’re here, sometimes letting the tears flow can be cathartic.
We’re here to offer each other support, if you need us.
Big hugs
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Hi @TootieB
I completely understand where you are coming from. This is something im really struggling with too, 8 weeks post stroke and I keep trying to speed my recovery to get back to my old self. Im struggling to accept that might never happen.
Just like you, i try to be positive and im so grateful to be here. If there’s anything ive learnt from being a SS is to appreciate the finer things in life, to be content with however my life is right now, as it could have been alot worse.
Maybe a warm soak, some aromatherapy might help?
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I know how you are feeling, I just want the old me back, so fed up with this new me!!!
I try so hard to live with it, but it does get me down sometimes. I do feel a good cry helps, doesn’t stop my wanting to be the old me, but does let out my emotions.
Good luck to you, thinking of you.
Jane.
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Hi, you are not alone, I think we all grieve for the person we were at some point and thats perfectly normal. I’m 6 years post stroke which paralysed my left side and I still have days when I feel really sad and could cry on and off all day. I try not to go there but it’s not always easy.
I wish you well and hope your recovery goes in the right direction.
Regards Sue
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Good Morning @TootieB
Yes I absolutely did mourn my losses post stroke, as above here, we all do and did, there’s a huge readjustment to out new selves that we transition through, but for many of us we come through it and are grateful for what we do have.
One of my favourite films ever is “Arrival” a story of time travelling aliens that come to earth to share their gift with us in order that we can help them in the future, there’s a subplot in the film where the lead character daydreams about a daughter she has yet to have, in effect time travelling, the daughter she has has a rare condition that will elad to her death at an early age, but she still chooses to have her, in fact she knows all of this and only shares what she knows with her partner after her daughter is born.
But here’s the point, the premise is, if we had a choice to love someone for one more day, month or year, knowing that in the end they would be gone. Would we take that moment ? or would we not and never have it to share with them. She chooses to have her daughter for as long as she can, even though she knows it won’t be forever, the lead character chooses her daughters Arrival, as more important than her departure…
…and so it is for many of us, despite our losses and our mourning for our former selves, the anguish and pain, trauma and readjustment that brings us, would we choose to not have tomorrow, or do we choose to take the tomorrow that is given to us as we find it now.
I know the answer for me and for lots of us here, even with the memory of our former glorious selves, is that we’ll take it. and we’ll make the best of it with what we have and smile at it, because given the chance to spend one more day here, exactly where we belong and are supposed to be, despite our circumstances, we’ll take it.
and…mindfulness and meditation are both important tools to help us to accept our new state and settle our minds as we do so, I read it here a lot, do this, it will help…and it does, but absolutely with both it is a practice, something that must be worked at and slowly mastered like learning to play the guitar, the more we pratcice the better we become and the more benefit we can feel from it, so if you’re doing either, stick at it, the buddha blossom moment comes and when it does you’ll know and likely feel your peace with yourself and your place in the world.
All the very best to you, Alan. X
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@TootieB I too am grieving the old me, I also noticed changes in me .I found my tastes buds have changed a lot. But I am slowly beginning to love the new me. Good luck in your recovery
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This is why i love this group no judging nothing sounds silly nhst pure support, thank you all. I appreciate all the replies nd suggestions, im not alone as it feels at time xx
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My experience has been that looking forward to what i can do has been a better approach for us (my wife, kids & I) than dwelling on what wooda-shooda-coulda that we cant change
May be not easy for some and we all face different challenges but i suggest it as an aim if one can 
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@TootieB As everyone else says , this is somthing I definitely recognise. I used to love running as a way of de-stressing from life, getting outside and keeping in shape. That was taken away from me , and 12kg have joined me from the lack of activity !!
I try to focus on how luckily I have been (which is extremely lucky compared to most people who have suffered a stroke !!) and all the good things there re in life still to be enjoyed.
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@KeithP63 i used to be a runner too & I do miss it. Was a great way of destressing & winding down. I have accepted running is a very long way off if ever but still miss it. I fill my time with other stuff now & like you try to focus on how fortunate I have been compared to some.
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@Mrs5K @KeithP63 me too I managed about 3 to 4 miles every other day and kept my weight down. though I’m much better 22 months post stroke walking and manage about 4 miles a week even if it’s just 20 min bursts. I’ve managed to get 10 lbs off but need another 10lb before I’ll be happy. Keep going Keith and Ann you will get there.
Ann you need lots of cake and feel good food to put some weight on. Keith just keep moving and don’t settle for chocolate and sweet stuff, I’ve cut out potatoes and carbs and it’s helped. My bestest wishes Loraine xx
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@SimonInEdinburgh whilst I agree with looking forward, as nothing we do can change or undo past events, I think we all occasionally have a moment or two of wishful thinking and the odd pang of nostalgia for what we could do with ease and without thought pre stroke, we’re only human after all 
Each milestone and little bit of progress moving forward is something to be treasured.
Best wishes
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I have been hemiplegic for sixteen years and still I feel the frustration. However, I also am glad, if surprised, to have been spared.
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