Do you ever feel you have nothing in common anymore? My outlook has changed so much and I feel like those who were once my best friends now just don’t make the effort, I feel left out and when I’ve mentioned this I always feel like it gets turned on me. I can’t get across how I feel and I feel like they do things with little consideration for my feelings. Is it awful my friend gets married next year and I’m dreading it- I don’t even want to go on the hen do I feel anxious about it already. I feel different with them than I do with other friends who are more compassionate and I really feel like just walking away from it all
I can relate to exactly how you feel. I gave up my nanny job to look after my Mum who had a stroke in June this year. I find it's always me sending the first message and then the conversation fizzles out.
Feel free to add me on here. ?X
I can understand why you wouldn't want to go on a hen do. Maybe you could suggest doing something with just the two of you rather than everyone together. I find being in groups of people very hard work trying to keep up with people's conversations and everything going on around in a busy place. I soon get tired and when I'm tired, I tend to withdraw from the group and go quiet. When this happens, it's easy to get excluded and feel left out. Your compassionate friends are obviously more aware of how you feel and make you feel more 'comfortable' in their company. For me personally, I think I would walk away from the less compassionate friends.
I've always hated hen dos as I don't drink and really don't enjoy being in the company of people who overindulge to extremes as a lot of hen dos do (Is that really English?!) . I also get fed up of having to justify myself to others because I don't drink and them trying to encourage me to try this cocktail and that wine. Why do people find it so hard to understand that I just don't like the taste of alchohol and I'm not a prude or a snob or have a drink problem - to me wine tastes like vinegar and spirits taste like medicine and I just can't stand the taste of the stuff!! Sorry, rant over!
If I don’t text they don’t bother. It got to the point we all got together and they said they don’t text anyone then there’s photos online of stuff I don’t get invited too. I feel a bit wired though because I go out with other friends but we were a group of friends and used to do everything together. Meh x
Totally appreciate it’s your choice. Thankyou for your view x
Dear Sassywak
Yes I continually find that I have nothing in common any more. Coping with friends is a nightmare. Its better with people who I have met post stroke. They at least accept me for who I am now and not who I was.
I dont think humans are wired to accept someone is unwell when they look fine. Big problem. I also dont think humans are able to tolerate illness that goes on more than six weeks. What we really need is to be treated as disabled. But there isnt any prosthetics for brains as yet.
It is only another SS who understands.
My light hearted remedy would be for all of us to move to the Isle of Wight. Or Malta. And then we would all be with like minded folk.
I havent had any pets until last year. A cat adopted us. He doesnt mind that I have SF. He accepts me exactly as I am. I have so much love for that cat.
I dont have any instant answers. I do think that I need to quietly build a new life for myself. And to somehow change on all the ways that I was pre stroke. I am a chartered accountant. Tax and pensions. Well now no way can I do any of that. I have retired and thought I would help those who needed tax and pensions advice. No way. So I wait on tables and make tea and coffee. At least I now feel useful and I am back with the human race.
Good luck
Colin
Thankyou Colin- like minded people are my only saving grace as they seem to accept the things that really matter no matter how small.
ive found a lot of solace speaking on forums and I’ve started some volunteer work I really just can’t be doing with it all- it just seems to be one group of friends ugh I don’t know!! Nevermind eh
I feel the same. My phone book is getting smaller and smaller as people stop contacting me
Hi I think sometimes the problem is that they give up asking how you are or feel because they know that you are unable to say that youre back to normal, which we stroke survivors never will be. I too had quite alot of people who I thought of as friends and when my stroke first happened I got calls and texts every week for the first 6 weeks or so and then they all fizzled out and now I only hear from a few who I have known for many many years and know they will allways be there for me, even when I just want to moan about being tired or unable to do things like I used too. Its only when something like this happens that you find out who youre real friends are.
I don't like hen do's either, there are allways those who go too far and drink too much, I don't like the taste of alcohol, I think the suggestion that you see if you can do something with your friend on your own is a first class idea.
Hope you can sort something. Wendy
It’s like do you really want friends like that though? But you need to bother with ppl for them to bother with you- it’s like a double edged sword
They were amazing when I was in hospital came every week but it’s like now I’m out of that environment I’ve struggled and I’m proud of how much I’ve pushed myself. It’s not hen party’s I don’t like itsvthd ppl I’ll be with and what we’re doing- it’s a festival very busy limited seating I’m just feeling dread already and I’ve said yes to the event on Facebook argh! X
From what you've said, it sounds like your brain is already sending signals that it's not sure it's ready for this yet ... the fact that your already dreading it, the people going aren't in your fav's list, that it will be busy and you may end up having to stand up for long periods. You are proud of how much you have achieved and pushed yourself and quite rightly so but sometimes you have to ask yourself difficult questions. I also wouldn't want to let a friend down when I'd said 'Yes' but only you know whether or not it would be too much for you. As someone else said, when things like strokes happen, you get to find out who your real friends are. Genuine friends would understand if you felt it too much just now and would suggest something that you could do together instead such as going to the beauty salon for a pampering session followed by afternoon tea for example. As these events are usually planned way in advance, you probably have some time yet to think about it but don't let people put you under pressure. Take care x
Thankyou for putting that so well x