Pretty cheesed off because I've now got to search for part 4 of Bruge stroke story - I found it this morning now it's escaped!! Unfortunately I didn't have time to read it before setting off for school 
so a-hunting I will go
Dear Jo
We are both singing from the same song sheet. I really worry that some SS have made desperate pleas and then not seen the replies. Those of us who are far down the recovery road should give all the support we can muster to those who are struggling with the early days. The NHS can not provide the help we need, so we should be helping others.
Aphasia is one of the bits that make stroke such a miserable affliction. Hearing other ahasia sufferers puts things in to perspective.
Autocorrect is indeed wonderfull. I read things I have written in the past three years and shudder at the errors. I just dont see them at the time.
I read two pages at prayers this morning. And feel a great achievement. So my reading is coming along and my speech is not all bad. But generally my brain still cant keep up !
All of a sudden I am floundering. I have to do so little in a day to avoid the floundering. But ever so slowly it is improving.
Must go and get my sleep. Sleep is so important.
Colin
Today was my 5th morning back at work (working remotely from home), I've done a few hours of admin every other morning since last Wednesday which was 4 months to the day since my stroke.
So many 'welcome back' emails. I've avoided answering my work phone, I can't face that many conversations. I'm exhausted today. I want things to go back to normal but I know the first trip to the office (whenever that will be) will be full of the 'you look so well' comments & I don't want those. Shall I just print out a picture of my huge brain surgery scar, with some explanation about it being a brain injury? Am I being sarcastic? Yes I am. I feel so miserable today.
Your colleagues may also be finding it difficult, not sure what to say or how to treat you. They won't want to upset you. Human nature. But they almost certainly care about you.
What matters is that you are back, and taking steps forward. I can't promise you it will be easy, or quick, but persevere. Tell people what you have been through, how you are coping (if that's the right word), and most importantly how you are feeling. Knowing that will make it easier for them too.
I had a mini-stroke four years ago and was back in work 3 months later. I tried to pretend everything was back to normal, but in hindsight it was a bit of an act. Maybe I didn't want to accept that I was not 100% back to 'normal'.
Even now, I struggle at times: forgetting names, getting words mixed up and being very tired at the end of the day. My colleagues have been terrific, but my stubborn pride prevented me from asking for help.
Good luck with your journey.
Hi Colin lovely to see that you still spend time helping people on this site
i had my stroke just over 2 years ago and your advice and smile advice was one of the things that helped me
i haven’t used this forum much since it changed, as I find it confusing and difficult to use
i was feeling a bit low tonight and logged in
the first post I saw was you and it cheered me up to see that you are still around and helping
thanks and I hope you are doing well
Hi Adrian - I know that SS find it frustrating & often infuriating that friends/colleagues/family make comments such as "You're looking well, you don't look like you've had a stroke" etc I've turned this over in mind on numerous occasions, and I really don't know what the answer is. I think I've mentioned before, and echo your own comment, that people are trying to be encouraging and to be well meaning. It would be pretty devastating if they suggested that you didn't look well enough to be out/working/driving etc!!
I think there was once a TV soap programme who had an actor portaying a character who had suffered a stroke, and the actor had coincidentally suffered a stroke in real life. I think he was in a wheelchair and quite impaired in speech and mobility. I wonder whether this is this public's impression of a SS, and anyone who doesn't fit that impression is therefore viewed as "not looking like you've had a stroke"? It all comes down to education - when my husband suffered his stroke, I had NO idea what to expect. As I sat in A&E watching the medical staff carry out tests and scans, I wondered what the outcome would be, what adaptations I'd need to make to the house, would I have to give up work etc. We only find out about the spectrum of stroke through our own experiences, or maybe things we see in the media. I wonder if Andrew Marr would fit the category of "you don't look like you've had a stroke"?
So, time for me to stop!! I think we have to do as much educating as we can, we have shown lots of people a copy of the MRI scan, showing the 'dead' area of brain. I think this visual prompt is quite powerful because it shows the hidden nature of stroke, and often has the desired impact. It doesn't work in every situation of course, but maybe it's a start?
Wishing everyone a happy Saturday 
Hi Joy,
Colin is definitely a great contributor to this site, and like you, his comments have helped me hugely during the last year.
This site is awkward to navigate, but there are some good stories around to give you inspiration and to help you get through the tough days. If it doesn't drive you too crazy have a browse, it helps to put things in perspective and to know you're not alone.
Hope today is a better day 
Thanks Nic
yes today is a lot better
well honestly a a bit better lol, but moving forward as they say
yes I must remember to log on more frequently as it did make me feel less alone on a bad day
Thanks for your kind thoughts and I hope you are having good days?
Hi Joy, sometimes we have to be glad for a bit better rather than massively better!! As long as better is in there somewhere we're going in the right direction. My husband seems quite tired and wobbly today, he walked around the supermarket like a Thunderbird puppet!! Bit of a liability with the trolley!! But he's had a good rest this afternoon and seems brighter. I've threatened him with watching "Strictly Come Dancing" and then a quick waltz around the sitting room, that's got to be worth a 10!!
Take care, keep looking forward xx
Dear Joy
Thank you for your kind words. My hat size has increased in proportion.
This forum is indeed difficult to fathom. One little thing I discovered a few days ago...Bottom left of page often has "Return to original discussion" in blue. Click on that and it opens up the current string.
We can still get "low" despite two years of recovery, nearing three years for me. In fact I think some of the consequences are just as bad now as they were a few years back. I know I am so different from pre stroke and I struggle to fit in with that. I have taken on a very small voluntary job. Pre stroke I would have eaten this job alive in minutes, but now I am really struggling with the tasks.
I have always wondered why I survived a stroke and what life has in store, but no answers as yet. A tatty, mangy, cold and starving cat adopted us 26th September 2017. We have never had a pet. Well he is now part of the furniture. And he now has a silky coat and shelter whenever he wants. And as much food as is good for him. We adore him. He is called Sooty Oscarthemagnificent. He is huge, more a small panther than a large cat. But he is so gentle. Never scratched nor bitten us. He would hide behind me whenever he felt insecure, but now he doesnt need to do that.
Looking after a cat is something I can do. As I never go out for very long, I make a good owner. He is curled up on a chair in the conservatory right now. Warm and dry on this wet and windy day.
So what has happened to you this year ? Are you getting on with people or work ?
Best wishes
Colin
I love reading your posts you say it like it is but in such a wonderful way that makes me smile.
Looking forward to Strictly 2019 staring NicABella and hubby. Have a good evening xx
Hi, I am new to this site and I just need to offload. My Dad had a stroke 14 months ago. A fit, healthy 70 year old. Overnight our lives changed BUT he is still here. My mum cannot cope and still hasn't accepted the impact it has had on Dad. She believes he will walk again but i dont think this is the case. I am very supportive and help as much as i can but her negativity is affecting him which of course upsets me. He is currently in hospital after falling and hitting his head and also suffering mini seizures. 14 months ago I lost a little bit of my Mum and Dad and I too are suffering. Thank you for listening.
My dad's currently in hospital with a mini stroke. I am an only child and feel useless as I live on my own and cannot get anymore time off work :( My mum died of cancer as well so sorry to be pessimistic.
Dear Ceri
So sorry to hear of Dads stroke.
Sounds as though he had masive damage. Nevertheless, improvement/recovery does follow and its never too late for further improvement. So never give up. It is always the stroke survivor who will effect recovery. No one else can make him any better, just himself. Support etc is a great boost but its all down to Dad.
Exactly as you say, life changed in a few moments. The change is permanent. Dad is not going to return to his old self. But he becomes a new Dad. And new Dad can have new merits. Whether he walks or not.
Mum is gripped by two (and probably more) unacceptable things, When around Dad she must be positive. New Dad is forming, he has survived so positive is essential. Accepting the shock is a big issue. I didnt grasp the level of shock, so a counsellor saw me weekly for six weeks and then I redirected on to a better forward path. Post trauma shock is very real and a right pain.
Mum needs time away from Dad. An hour or three every day and then the odd day or at aleast the odd half day. Needs a lot of thought and it has to perhaps start with Dad telling her to buzz off for a few hours.
Hope you can follow this site, many of us SS struggle with it.
Be positive. Smile. You are not alone.
Colin
PS I am one year older than Dad and have seen a lot of recovery, even if it is so slow.
Dear Penguins
Sorry to hear of your family illness. It must be so very hard on you.
If you read this site, please have in mind that we are full strokes and not many mini (TIA)strokes. TIAs do not leave permanent damage whereas a full stroke does. So Dad should recover fully and be back to his old self. And that should be within a couple of months or sooner. So dont get alarmed by all our stories of taking years to effect recovery and never being the same again. TIAs are transient, they go away. Medical care is necessary to avoid further problems. TIAs can be a warning.
Colin
Hi Ceri -- it's all very sad, and indeed you are all grieving. It took me a while to work this out in my own situation, it's weird when your loved one is physically there with you, but you know something is missing. Initially I think I was so wrapped up in caring etc, I didn't really analyse my own feelings. Everyone on this site will tell you that your feelings are common to all, doesn't lessen the intensity, but know that you're not alone.
The important thing - if you can - is to try to find something positive to focus on. It may be the tiniest thing, but it needs to raise a smile. I have tried really hard to generate something silly or funny out of everyday situations to smile at. I also kept a daily log of 'stuff' that had happened - this was prompted by the OT suggesting I kept a food diary of my husband's intake, as he was losing weight, had no appetite etc. He could make one brazil nut last a whole day!! The log developed into a record of things we/he had done, and even now I sometimes look back to see the progress he has made. Don't despair, some days the log was so repetitive I could have done 'copy & paste', but then suddenly you notice a few changes.
Others on this site will advocate exercises for the legs, even though currently Dad is not walking, he needs to keep the possibility open, and continuing to manually work the legs/muscles will optimise his chances. If you can locate stories on this site (it's a bit cumbersome), look out for posts by Colin, John Jeff Maynard, Antony N, Tony, Deigh - to name but a few - as they regularly and generously share their stories, warts and all. Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry, all will give you hope and motivation.
Support and understanding is so important, it's such a frightening and miserable journey at times, I don't know what I would have done without the support from this site. So hang in there, hopefully you will have some replies soon. Best wishes to you all
Well said Nic. Carer to carer is good.
Can I add that the smile does not have to be happy nor funny. A false, fake or forced smile does the job. There are medical reasons why a smile will benefit, my medical friends explained to me, so a minimum 4 smiles a day works wonders.
Would Dad write his own diary ? I have mine from two weeks onwards and it is a useful tool. Exactly as Nic says, you see progress. Slow slow slow but its progress.
I drive, garden and get up a step ladder. I started paralysed. Now all the digits and limbs work and best of all I can turn my head. Its down to me for further progress.
Mum should go to a stroke group, carers session. and Dad might like to attend the stroke survivors sessions. Nothing quite like being with similar sufferers. And for Dad, only another SS really understands what he is going through.
Its chucking it down here. My grass might at last overcome the brown patches. Unless the weeds get there first.
Colin
Also lots of the wet stuff here in Norfolk - no blackberrying today, just stay at home and find something to smile about - coffee & donuts anyone??
xx
Hi Nic
Thank you for your message, I really didn’t think anyone would reply, but just writing it down and putting it out there helps. It’s funny you should mention a diary as I have written a few things down in the past only to help me, again get it out my mindset. I try so hard to support Dad, Mum and being a wife to a wonderful supportive husband and a Mum sometimes just sometimes I start to feel as though I am drowning.
I just wish Mum would accept the situation and understand Dad will not be able to do what he used to do but that he can still do a lot but with help. I know it’s hard work for her, I really do. We have to make the most of what we have,we never know what’s round the corner.
Thank you again Nic ?
There's usually a good response, lots of people use the site. It's good to know you're not alone. It can be very scary to suddenly realise that the person you rely on isn't going to be able to do the things they did previously, so I can imagine your mum is struggling with that knowledge. My husband decided that he wanted to work on his cognitive abilities, as he has a company to run, with lots of people depending on him. So he made that his priority, and then worked on the physical recovery. Maybe your mum could help by working on cognitive tasks with your Dad? I used the package left by the OT to start with and then just went from there.
Do you have a copy of your Dad's MRI scan? It's a good way of acknowledging the internal damage to the brain, being able to visualise the area that needs to repair can sometimes help us to understand why our loved one isn't functioning in the way they used to.
Make sure you all have plenty of rest - in your Dad's case his brain needs rest time to enable it to repair, your Mum needs a break and a distraction, and you need time to be with your family. Easy to say, not always easy to achieve - I used to try to get tasks done whilst my husband rested, but now I just take a break as well and I never feel guilty!!
Take care x