Hello I’m shirley new to this forum I am trying to find out how people who care for someone whose had a stroke do u have times where u are emotional I am going through this now how do u deal with it please
Hi @Dougal
Shirley - Hello!!
Welcome to the stroke survivor and carer community!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE - we will help and support each other
The first few weeks / months can be a proper fog I’m afraid for you and your loved one.
Are you caring for a family member?
It is perfectly normal to feel emotional! I cry at bargain hunt when they get a golden gavel!!! You’ll find lots of tips and tricks on here to help you quote but I find that just having a look through posts on here often cheers me up.
I just want to say welcome and have a look at this if you feel up to it:
So sorry you’re on this journey. I am 10 months in from 3 ischemic strokes and it is hard for my friends and family and me!!. but there are good and bad days!
Keep talking to us
Kieran
Here is a picture of a polar bear to cheer you up!!
K
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Hi Shirley,
Welcome to the forum. You’ll find the members here a helpful and supportive bunch. Check out the Caring for someone category where you can find others with similar lived experience.
You can always call our helpline too on 0303 3033 100 and get friendly support and information.
Wishing you all the best.
Clement
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Hi Shirley, sorry you have had to join us but Welcome. We are a merry band of stroke survivors and carers of varying ages and who have suffered many different types of stroke. There is always someone here to lend an ear and to offer words of wisdom and support and advice.
I would echo the advice already given and would advise you to reach out whenever you feel the need.
I would highly recommend joining a stroke survivors support group if you have one local to you, I suffered a hemorrhagic stroke in 2017 which paralysed my left side and my husband is my carer. It is tough for both of us in different ways and we both found attending a support group very helpful and informative in many ways. Speaking to someone who is also on this long tough road to recovery is so helpful in many ways.
What you are going through is a frightening experience for both of you and it is perfectly normal to feel this way. Unfortunately stroke affects the whole family.
Be kind to yourself and to each other and above all else be patient, stroke recovery is a long, tough road.
We look forward to hearing from you when you feel ready to join our chats.
Regards Sue
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Thankyou Kieran it’s good to know I’m not alone not quite so emotional today I care for my hubby it’s hard seeing the change in him he isn’t the man I married 11.5 years ago that adds to the emotional bit. Also he is terminal he has COPD as well as other ailments
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@Dougal Hi Shirley and welcome to the forum though I’m sorry you are needing to join us.
It is very natural and necessary to be so emotional at this time, this is a shock for both of you and emotions are bound to be high. And you have double the dose as he is also terminal. You just go ahead and talk and cry as much as you want to on here, that’s what we are all here for. Its actually good for you, I recon that’s why we have this pesky emotion, to relieve the pressure inside and reduce the risk of us blowing a gasket basically!
I’m so sorry to here your hubby is terminal though, that’s got to be so hard on you. How old are you both…not that I’m a nosy bint 
Just trying to keep you talking if you need it. 
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@Dougal welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear your husband is terminal. It must becso hard for you both. Please reach out when you need to. It’s ok to be emotional too - you are going through a lot.
Sending my very best wishes.
Ann xx
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Hello My husband aged78 had a haemorrhagic stroke 18 months ago. He was in acute stroke wards for 12 weeks followed by rehab so in hospital for a total of 7 months. He can walk very slowly to & from the loo but sits in wheelchair most of the time. He has a hospital bed to help him sit up and needs help washing showering & getting dressed.
He is cognitively OK but still has some problems swallowing.
I am 79 have MS & arthritis - I need a right hip replacement - it is very painful & I am having trouble keeping in my feet - and I have no choice given my husbands lack of mobilty. The hip replacement would mean a difficult recovery as it is on my MS affected side & tge surgeon has advised me the new joint would be at risk of dislocating.
So I am dealing with preparing all meals, correspondance - he has never mastered using a mobile phone or tablet - organising gardening, house repairs etc. I am also trying to motivate him to do the recommended exercises but worst aspect is that my husband has lost his ability to communicate on an emotional level - I feel he treats me as one of his carers or a nurse. The normal rapport between husband & wife is no longer there and I am in tears quite a lot of the time. He just seems detached after 55 years of marriage.
He is housebound as I cannot manage him in a wheelchair & he is not able to get in & out of the car. This means we can’t go anywhere together and I have difficulty going out on my own in case I fall which would mean we would both be in trouble. I have fallen in the house 6 times this year. Before his stroke he was my unofficial
It is difficult to see any happy days ahead. We have a daughter who lives an hour away but she chooses to be estranged from us so no help there.
My MS means I suffer from fatigue & along with my painful hip each day is a struggle. I feel guilty when I get frustrated & angry as having the stroke has been such a shock for my husband who was a fit 77 year old swimming 2times each week and walking our dog - who has had to be fostered - 4 times a day. It is hard to see him struggle to cope with this new challenging life although unlike me he rarely complains.
I am sorry to be full of complaints but lately I have been feeling overwhelmed particularly emotionally.
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Omg you poor things u are going through most awful time I am assuming u have help come in to help both of you with everything. I look after my hubby he is 58 had 2 strokes in last 2 months but also has terminal COPD which is very hard I get very tearful more so the last few weeks i no what u mean re relationship disappearing we have the same problem hubby also has diabetes type 2 high blood pressure depression so he is very poorly oops forgot arthritis as well. I wish u all the luck. X
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Thank you Dougal - I am so glad to have found the forum as I have no one to share my distress & frustration about the emotional difficulties a spouse can encounter because of the stroke. Just to know someone else understands is very helpful
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Your very welcome I am also isolated cause I live out in the sticks buses not regular don’t drive and don’t like relying on other people thank goodness for online shopping as in food shop. Please msg me if u want a chat anytime ok xx
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May the great polar bear in the sky god bless uber eats!!! But I do live in London…
K 
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You are going through so much.
I have not spoken to my actual parents - my mother and father - who live 20 mins away or 7 in a car- for a while (3 yrs) and when I had my series of strokes and they knew they did not contact me. I am in touch with aunts etc and some family but it really hurts so I getcha @TheGyles
I don’t know if it will ever resolve
I hope it will but if it doesn’t so what.
It’s them not you or me.
We are special and we really are!!
Talk to me anytime
K
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Hi @TheGyles and welcome to the forum, you’ve certainly come to the right place for support and understanding 
I’m a stroke survivor, I had 2 TIA’s nearly 3yrs ago and I can certainly relate. Emotionally, I was numb after the stroke too, but it did gradually return in that first year or so…though some emotions I could do without 
It could be the medications or it could be the brain’s way of preventing any further stress or trauma while it fights to heal and recover what it can. Unfortunately it can take a long and the rate recovery depends also on the severity of the stroke.
As MSGAdmin advised @Dougal, you too could all call the helpline
Check out the Caring for someone category where you can find others with similar lived experience.
You can always call our helpline too on 0303 3033 100 and get friendly support and information.
You could also get in touch with AgeUK to getting help with your situation.
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@TheGyles Hi & welcome to the forum. Sorry your husband has had a stroke but hopefully you’ll get plenty of advice & support here.
You are going through an awful lot. Do you have any carers coming in to help with your hysband? If not, perhaps see if you can get some help. You need to look after yourself as well as your husband so any help, however little, would help.
Emotions are often affected after stroke but there is always hope that they will improve over time. Have a look at this leaflet which may help explain it a bit.
My GP surgery run events for carers. Maybe you have something similar where you are that you can tap into.
Call the Stroke Association helpline too. You can get lots of advice from them.
Srnding my very best wishes.
Ann x
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My husband has been home now for 17 days, and yes, it’s hard to reconcile the person he appears to be now with the one I’ve lived with for 44 years.
I’ve realised over these days that although his speech is impaired, he’s doubly incontinent and scared silly of trying to stand he actually is, inside, the man I married. I can tell from his facial expressions whether he his happy, or whether he thinks I’ve lost the plot, and when he actually gets cross enough his speech appears to come back. Yes, I have told him he’s a fraud and if he can speak loud enough to tell me off he can speak loud enough to ask where the remote is.
I’m writing this to let you know that OK, the physical person you married 11.5 years ago may not be there, but you will find that he’s most likely the same person inside, and please talk to him as if he is. Don’t talk for him, and please, when he is trying to do something, even if it’s extremely difficult, let him ask for help. It’s very hard, but it’ll help him believe in himself.
You, as the carer, wife, lover and whatever else you were to him, are going to have an uphill journey, but we can all stand with you, and we’re all going through the same journey together. Sadly whilst transport drivers are on strike the journeys seem to take a lot longer, but we’ll all get there in the end.
Shelbo
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LOL
I don’t know if you’ve seen 40 things… ?
My wife @BakersBunny used to run a SA carers online group till they closed it - she’ll restart it in the new year but if you folk want to chat via zoom the link is https://bit.ly/StrokeCarersCafe
@Dougal @Shelbo @TheGyles and any other carers
Feel free to coordinate (eg by private message) your selfs or via Lea(BB) or me - if you wish
Ciao
Simon
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No, I hadn’t seen it, and thank you for pointing me in that direction. Mainly it’s common sense. I’ll have to work on the rest.
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still need someone to talk to asd i am low
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I’m gonna be on zoom in 10 minutes
I guess others will be there, but that may or may not prove to be true.
You’ll be able to talk -You seemed to say that you knew how to zoom but just click on the link say no to the downloads if it asks you yes to the “view in browser” or continue in browser.
It’s an offer of someone to talk to
Ciao
Simon
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