Please i am looking for advice and i think so this forum will be the best place for people to understand what i am going through.
My question is this, can i leave job and can still survive? i have mortgage to pay and my two boys live with me. one just started his apprenticeship and one is getting ready for gcse. i am 44 years old. has a stroke when i was 40, after stroke i just had a week in hospital and week at home. stroke has made me visually impaired. Lost my lines straight away. i thought one or two year will be difficult but this constant fatigue is falling me and this muscle pain.
i have all kinds of tests, mri and ct scan. There is nothing left which can have not been tested. So there is no cure for me.
i have been very brave, very bold, after my stroke i become more caution as i don’t want to leave my job. i started pushing myself to be more cheerful and more pleasant, dressing sharp and all. then covid came which was a good break for me, i was ok. Then i was looking forward to come back to work. Now i have completed a year after joining back. i have concluded i can’t work here anymore. Sitting here for 8 hours takes away all the energy and patience.
Please advise me what kind of help I can get. If I leave my job can get help from universal credit to support me. i will find a job maybe part time. Kind of job where I feel content. As now does not matter how much we will earn, we will live hand to mouth circle as living cost has gone beyond bearing. i think so the recovery i had while being on furlough has drained out and i am crumbling once again.
Please let me know if unfortunately anyone else has been through this. Please share your experience.
@nadya it’s do difficult juggling work & home life post stroke. I can’t answer your question per se as it really does depend on your financial circumstances, family circumstances, savings etc. Give Citizens Advice a call as they can advise. You may also have a benefits adviser at your local council.
A couple of things to think about maybe?
Not sure where you work but have you looked at medical retirement?
Has your employer put adjustments in place to help you? Have you had an occupational health assessment done?
Would a bit more time off work help?
Have you considered part time?
Just leaving work may make you ineligible for benefits straight away as you’ve left of your own accord.
Your health is more important than work & many people manage (hand to mouth maybe) when they’re no longer able to work. Make sure you get lots of advice before you make such a big decision. You do need a life outside work too though.
Hi Nadya it’s a difficult position to be in and I feel your struggle, fatigue can wear one down.
I’m not in your position as my family are grown and left the nest, it’s just me and my hubby. Try contacting the Citizens Advice to ask what you may be eligible to claim, they have a good website to get you started Here
There’s the .Gov website Here or try this one Here
A lot will depend on your circumstances, savings etc but you may be able to claim PIP, ESA or Universal Credit .
Best wishes, I hope everything works out for you, take care
thank you very much, for reading and explaining everything in detail.
no i never had an occupational health assessment.
Yes, this scares me. If i leave the job, i might become ineligible for benefits, as leaving on your own accord can give them a very wrong picture about me.
Yes, i have been living hand to mouth as far as i can remember with my two boys. but i always worked as i hate to be at home by myself. it is depressing.
yes i will seek as much advice i can before i decide.
thank you x
i did try to explore yesterday but still very confuse.
i think so speaking with gp and hr at work can help me.
seriously i am scared as already things are bit difficult, as for everyone else.
but i am thankful for each and everyone here for their kind words.
yes i should. but i am just scared i need someone to listen to me. stupid thing is this HR department is under my boss’s wife. i am scared if i talked to her she will tell him everything.
i don’t want to disturb my children’s and my life.
sometimes i think so i should drag myself for little more but then i get scared what good it will do to me.
@nadya you have to put your health first, I know finances come into play for us all, however taking a few weeks sick leave may help you put things in perspective and give you a chance to investigate what benefits you will be entitled to if you choose not to work.
Nothing you say to HR should be held against you by your manager. Obviously if you take sick leave, he will be informed you’re not fit to work at present, but you don’t need to divulge everything to HR about any future plans/thoughts you have at the very beginning, just take a little time if you’re battling with mental health issues and fatigue.
Wow reading your story I felt the tears welling up I so wish this country was more humane I wonder why we spend our lives working and paying taxes and national insurance people should know help will be available in these circumstances lol
Hi !!! The only advice I can confidently give you is to visit your doctor and ask him / her for a sympathetic letter explaining your situation and if possible the letter should explain that in the doctors professional opinion “you may never be well again to return to your normal place of work” or words to that effect.
I say this because that is EXACTLY what I did after my stroke. Why should you do this ?? Simply because that letter will, in a court of law, over ride ANY other evidence offered up by the DWP stating you’re “fit for work”. They say this so as to
avoid making any benefit payments to you. Best of luck. And lastly and I cannot state this enough, challenge ANY refusal to pay you state benefits in court of law.
Thank you very much everyone. Means a lot to me.
i was listening to LBC other day and on the programme someone called describing he is disabled and how DWP and Universal credit is making is life hell. He is on wheelchair and can’t work to meet his needs.
He explained how badly he has been suffering and how difficult is for him to pay all the bills and food. He was giving away his dog & cat, as he can’t afford them anymore.
it really scares me… and stopped thinking about leaving work.
but again my worst enemy, which is migraine, came back to remind me,
I came to work and left after one hour as a migraine was making me awful sick. This was yesterday i am here again. But with very fizzy and heavy head.
i have finished all my work with in two hours and there is nothing else to do now.
as my little one said to me some years back while i was crying with the pain. mom because you don’t bleed, people can’t understand your pain.
But i am taking all the above mentioned advice. i will write to HR to inform me what they can offer me second i will ask my GP to explain what can be done.
I think so everyone around me scare with this thought that i am the one who runs the house and supporting my boys they don’t want to see my house breaking if i leave the job and also how living cost and how Government disturbing all the elderly with pensions …
i am being chicken i don’t want to take any step and regret afterwards. Which will disturb my children’s life badly.
thank you once againg everyone, sending you all lots of prayers. God bless you all x
@nadya glad you are taking some steps at work to try & improve things. It’s very scary thinking about making life changing decisions. Hopefully work can do something to help you. Your health is really important & sounds like it’s suffering a bit. Please look after yourself. Things have a habit of working out one way or another. It’s just a but stressful getting there sometimes.
Wishing you lots of luck xxxx
Dear Nadya - following my stroke at the end of 2018 it has taken me 3 years to get back to working - now as an self-employed Consultant - but I did get excellent support & advice from the team at SIRONA CARE & HEALTH - They have many locations and adult support services - they have a good web-site or you can call 0300 124 5490 - I had several home visits / consultations aimed at helping me to’return to work - at no cost to me - definitely worth trying in your circumstances -
Thanks a lot dear. i will try as I can tell i am not coping well.
is just i am exhausted and this constant pain is draining me out.
and above of all i am scared to leave work and even show them what i am going through as i am scared.
I will go to see osteopath tomorrow. if only i can get rid of this constant pain and tiredness i don’t need to leave work.
All i can tell is this is not me at all. i was a very strong person. Nothing could break me. But now i am always in tears.
You are right it is very scary to make the life changing decisions. I still have not taken any steps. Spoke with GP and she increased the dosage of nerve relaxant i tired for a week but i was continuously yawning at work and feeling more tired. So i came back to my old dosage. at least i stay nearly human with that.
My eldest one who is almost 20years old thinks he lives in bednbreakfast, i am letting him enjoy that and little one helps me a bit. Yesterday after work and then house work, dinner and washing all i needed to someone make me a nice cup of tea.
my left leg gets in awful pain when i stand in the kitchen for long but right now my right arm is in unexplainable pain…
So in this kind of condition i don’t understand what to do. Cut down my hours…how as i am already suffering financially…leaving the job will bring me on the road…and it will take away all i have build with pennies…
whatever is happening in this world and how people are suffering for some warm place and food makes me scared as me and my children are through a lot. it was difficult for me to hide the abusive marriage from young minds.
my dad yesterday got cleared from his cancer still got some percentage but better i just scared if i take any wrong decision he would not b able to see me suffer, as already he is helping one of my sister.
i am sorry for typing all this …is just i am scared i am tired and exhausted…
i am glad everyone here can understand what type of pain and execration and worries i am talking about.
Oh @nadya you really are going through it & right now it probably seems like you’ll not get through it. You will though as things usually work out somehow. Try talking to the Citizens Advice or the people that @chrissue1 have mentioned. There may be help out there for you that you dont know about. Try & get your kids to help a bit more to ease some of the pressure.
I’m pleased to hear your dad got cleared from his cancer yesterday. That must be a big weight of all your minds.
Look after yourself.
Sending best wishes