Recently I have been struggling to control my short term temper. but on a daily basis so short long term. This does not please JP.
I normally chill quite quickly and I acknowledge if I have been out of order to say eg JP for those of you who know that he is my housemate, best friend and semi-carer.
He has his own life and I can’t expect him to everything I want him to do when I want it always. But I do. We live together and have done for 7 years and our lives are intertwined in many ways. Eg a rental agreement.
But a tiny thing can happen - someone tells me to calm down then that riles me more!!
Then I shout and go a bit crazy and that raises my BP that I’m trying to keep down.
It’s that circle.
I do try breathing and meditation and chilled films and music and chatting with people and that does help but I would like to know if anyone else has just these uncontrolable shouting episodes which are not nice for me or anyone near me!!!
I realise I just do not have time to think about other people’s opinions - especially when I know I’m right. JP does apologise to me too.
Sounds like a problem, and one that you’ve taken the first step to resolving by describing and recognising.
Given you have some strategies even if they don’t sound as if they’re working yet then perhaps it’s best taken to a professional counsellor?
Lea and I used to have disagreements where neither of us was willing to I accept that we were wrong so we had a code word for mutually agreed both walking away without conceding which was HedgePigs - haven’t used it for years though
Yep been there in early days, knew I was annoying but couldn’t control it for a while. Luckily lived out in sticks so my swearing and ranting didn’t annoy neighbours . So trained myself to rant and swear Quietly where no one could hear. Because of visual problems use to let rip when I knocked stuff over or collided with things. But learned to bite lip and bottle it.After eighteen months (?) only the occasional freak out but no serious swearing. Just ‘ flipping Heck’ now and again . Coming up three years now and hopefully it’s a thing of past.
Perfect example just now - JP is cooking supper - pork, chips, beans, mushrooms and I though he was doing peas and he;'s not and that’s fine but I just got annoyed so walked away but that’s ok!! He’s cooking and I don’t need peas!
My code word for JP when I’m getting a but much is a simple ‘shussh’ quitely.
Yes, I was looking for a headphone balanced cable in my box of cables, when I found it (really doing my back in) I threw a broken stand (which had fallen on my big toe) onto the floorboards, with rage and made a horrible dent in the floor. Today I’m calmer. The Tai-Chi wound me up because I couldn’t complete it. Even the careers found it too much!!
At the root of getting upset is lately realising I’m not going to bounce back any time soon. Still a long way to go.
At first my anger was horrendous because no one could understand what I needed or wanted, then I was angry when people mistreated me in hospital. I suppose I learned to reign back when it occurred to me how awful they were going to treat me if I mouthed off. I still get angry and annoyed much more easily than pre-strokes, but it is with my daughters and grandson who I love dearly, so my anger or annoyance means it is time to go to my room or outside where they are not present. Then I will realize beans are just peas that don’t taste as good. Or in my case, that at least there is nasty pizza to eat…I could be starving.
A lot of us are not bouncing back anytime soon. And that is OKAY. It’s okay to not be okay. We can manage as we are in the moment. We just keep going forward. I am sad from grief, but I try to find a little happiness somewhere every day. It’s hard, though.
I did an hour’s worth of hip rotation today. It helped me feel better. It was something Everything you do that is good – be proud about it. You accomplished something, no matter how small.
You accomplished something in finding the cable. You did it! I know you hurt your back and got angry, but you still did it.
Be gentle with yourself. Don’t overdo it - that’s not going to help. I built myself up to 1 hour of hip rotation over time. Start small. The important thing in qigong and Tai Chai is “connecting” ,not how much we exert ourselves. It’s all about how well you connect. I know that from Master Mingtong Gu.
@KGB @pando In the Book “Stronger After Stroke” the author says anger can be a good weapon when you fight this awful thing that has befallen us. Use it to work harder, exercise more, research and plan more; to beat it! Of course we let out our tempers and frustration on others, even those we love. We have hair trigger emotions…but love yourself and take good care of your body, watch the blood pressure and stress levels. Journal, talk it out, pray, be honest with yourself. Cry when you feel like it. Sometimes crying can quench the fire.
for your words of wisdom
Yes, I’ve read that book. I’m not the type who ever loses his calm… but I did last week, a bit, because of frustration with my limited set of abilities, something I must get a little angry about ( otherwise I would never put up the fight to break free )
Roland: sometimes I’ll sit in my easy chair with my “Hand Putty” and squeeze it hard, hard, when angry.
It helps a little. When I can get outside and alone, I get the chance to yell or scream; only when there is no one around. I and I’ll bet you, am so angry that I can’t play my beloved instrument as I used to.
Patience is so hard to come by, but so necessary.
Derek / Kieran, Yes I think that’s the author ; I have it on my kindle
It was an okay book. I learnt about BDNF from it.
I don’t agree with all of it; specifically, the unaffected side imitating the affected side.
My Chinese Dr agrees with me but I could be totally wrong, of course. Time will tell.
I do some Qigong, it quickly calms me down.
Today I did an exercise routine on the floor ; feels like a new chapter