My partner of 22 years had a major stroke in November 2019, resulting in paralysis of the entire right side & loss of speech. With therapies he can now walk aided for a couple of metres & has gained a little of his speech.
We were not only partners but worked together as musicians so when the stroke hit we both lost our home, our job, & I became a full time carer.
I’ve tried so very hard to just get on with it, but this year my feelings have changed. I Def feel more like a carer now & when my partner hints at anything romantic it just makes me feel weird. I love him but I think the last 3 years have changed the way I love him. I feel mean thinking this but I just don’t want a sexual relationship with him anymore. I feel more like best friends.
It’s just the 2 of us, no help from family, & it’s becoming harder to cope - especially as I also lost my father suddenly & unexpectedly in July, & I’m struggling with my own health.
Has anyone else felt like this or am I being selfish?
@Puggy you are definitely not being selfish, stroke changes a relationship and it can be heartbreaking to go through those changes.
Both of you have been through so much.
As you have your own health issues, perhaps it’s time to get your partner an assessment to see if you can get carers in to assist, that will give you a little more time to recharge your own batteries.
Wishing you both all the very best. Take care
@Puggy sorry to hear you’re feeling lost. You’re not being selfish at all. Stroke is a life changing event not just for the individual who’s had the stroke but for those closest to them too. Over the last 3 years you’ve spent loads of time caring for your partner & this inevitably impacts your relationship. As @Mahoney says maybe its time to see if you can get some help with your partners care so you can have some much needed time to focus on you a bit.
I know it’s difficult but are you able to explain to your partner how you’re feeling?
Best wishes to you both.
Hi , Im Tony . Having read your letter , i empathise with you .Im 2 and a 1/2 years since my stroke and the only thing i would say is , have you told your man how you feel ? If so . how could you possibly be selfish . 22 years is a fair amount of time so you obviously know each other well . I do know from my own head that honesty for me would be easy to cope with and deal with whats happening . R.I.P to your Dad , and sorry fro your loss . Tony
That’s a difficult one. You’ve both been through so much. It’s not helped by you being together 24/7 either.
Maybe a relationship councillor could help??