We’re here to offer inspiration and help others. We have a lot to offer.
And, of course, we must remember to help ourselves, firstly.
Then we can really get going, and make a difference to the world.
ciao, Roland
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@Hollie hi & welcome to the forum. It must be very difficult to see & hear lots of stories of progress when it’s not like that for your husband. Everyone recovers differently & in a different timeframe & for some recovery is extremely slow or just doesn’t happen to the level we’d like.
There is always hope but more importantly it’s about finding acceptance for where you’re at and making the best of it. Sounds easy but is anything but.
If I had one piece of advice it would be not to compare your husbands recovery to others but try & find the positives in what he can achieve; however small that may seem.
Sending my best wishes to you both.
Ann xx
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You’ve just described me to “T”, have you been rummaging around in my head while I was asleep 
Hospitals are a very emotional place to be in at the best of times. And, as a stroke patient or the carer of one in there, you have to remember that every other patient around you has their own story behind what’s influencing their progress positively or negatively. And the main influencing factor is the extent of the damage to their brain. So you can’t really compare yourself to be patient in the next bed.
As a strokee, you are your own surgeon operating to repair the damage done by your stroke. The doctors, nurses and physios are only there to assist and monitor, give food and medicine and catch you when you fall 
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When I was in hospital, pretty much immobile, I saw the world pass by. There were lots of folk each with their own way of dealing with things. My method, not through choice I add, was to just lie there.
A guy in the bed opposite me struggled, not coping well, then died.
Another guy, pretty much disabled, struggled and wriggled to get off the bed apparently unaware that he would just end up on the floor in a heap.
A very interesting character, who could, unlike me, walk about, used to move into action in the middle of the night. He would swiftly collect together chairs, tables, anything movable and heap it all on top of his bed. The next step in his fiendish plan was to set off the fire alarm. Much running about, shouts and calls ensued before he was carted off to the ‘naughty boy’s room’.
I achieved this rather dodgy promotion to become one of the ‘naughty boys’ with the award of a stay in isolation when I contracted Norovirus and succeeded in projectile vomiting over a passing nurse.
There were no elephants in the room but plenty of noteworthy and memorable occurrences.
(Incidentally, knowing some people like the medical stuff :
Norovirus is a very contagious virus that causes vomiting and diarrhea . Anyone can get infected and sick with Norovirus which is sometimes called the “stomach flu” or “stomach bug”)
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Quote of the day:
My experience tells me to be prepared for this to happen, to accept it as part of where you are, to embrace it and maybe gain something each time, despite what others say, or even temporary discomfort, pain or bruising.
You have a choice, warm, comfy, cotton wool, or hard lessons, won in an uncompromising world.
Having said that, it is is important to be kind to yourself and even to go so far as to have a giggle every so often.
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I was thinking in terms of that very first time you try to get out of bed, before your broken mind has fully registered your legs are not going to hold you up 
After that, then I’m with you 
Because then you know what your body’s incapable of your brain is better prepared for the hard fall.
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I have had some very big bruises, grazes and very sore spots, I have worried my wife to death, only a couple of hours ago in the hallway I got distracted and did a huge wobble arms and legs flailing about almost going over, watched all the time by her, then managed to get properly upright again. I do worry her to death, but bless her, she doesn’t try to stop me. Each time, is horrendous but each time a little progress. At one time that would have definitely been me on the floor unable to get up, now I am far more able to recover from becoming unstable. As I say, practice makes perfect.
Best and safest thing would be to keep me in a padded cell for a few years, maybe?
Hmmmph !!
I must go make tomato soup, will be back later.
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Have a look at:
ALetterFromYourBrain.pdf (braininjurymn.org)
and be kind to your brain - it is doing it’s best.
Janet
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@Bobbi a promotion to one of the naughty boys…i’d never have believed it of you i know there’s some serious stuff in your post nut it did make me chuckle. You have a way with words.
I hope @HHilary has recovered from your attpt to fly this afternoon 
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I am definitely guilty of thinking they are there to fix me and put me back exactly as I was. They cannot, anymore than I can. But together, we can build a better me, regardless of the different abilities I have today versus the ones I had before. I am finally understanding that after all this time.
And yes, I have been talking to you in dreamland. I am learning from you because you are such a beautiful soul.
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I’m tagging you in this reply so hopefully you will get an email and you should have done anyway but keep talking to us please!!
K 
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Welcome @Hollie & husband,
Sure 9 months is a long time with little progress but your husband should never give up!
I’m fortunate to have regained walking and movement of my arm within a few weeks but I still don’t have any feeling in my dominant hand fingertips. I still try every day to use my hand and even two and a half years post stroke can notice tiny improvements so haven’t given up hope of getting further improvements.
Everyone’s recovery is different but the key thing is not just giving up. I know it’s easier to say when much of the obvious physical things look to be almost ‘normal’ but believe me I feel anything but (compared to pre stroke).
I really hope your husband starts to see some signs of improvement soon to convince him that it’s worth the effort to keep trying.
It does seem wholly unfair that recovery rates vary but the sad fact is that they do. The thing I’m convinced of is that small improvements are almost certainly still happening so surely it is worth it to keep trying? If you asked a paralysed person would they keep working at physio if there was a 0.001% chance they could walk again don’t you think pretty much all of them would keep trying?
I’m so sorry if this doesn’t come across in the way that it is meant but I really really wish you and your husband all the best and hope he gets some signs to that the effort is worth it.
Good luck 
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I don’t know if this will give you any hope for the future of your husband but in another of @Bobbi’s replies, I saved from last May, well worth a read
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It’s sometimes just the little things – not the big things. The fact that you can catch yourself and not go down is real progress. Very proud of you.
Do you like to go outside and walk? Walking outdoors can liven us up. Well, it’s probably too cold for you now.
I love tomato soup, by the way! What are you having with it?
Take good care.
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Thanks @Matthew1798 I only just saw this post.
A day or two before Christmas after commenting that the falls seem to have come to an end I slid off the bed and ended up stranded on the floor again. Still had to struggle to get up, always the same.
I haven’t been getting outside and need to make an effort in that direction.
My tomato soup is delicious, nearly as delicious as the cheese toasty, pan fried, that Hilary makes to go with it.
We do like our food.
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Hi all 
This thread arose during my ‘absence’. I’ve just seen it due to it being bumped by bobby’s posting about sliding off the bed and having excellent tomato soup with cheese toasties
The original poster of the topic has not been back since a couple of days after joining - but may well get a notification now and return ?
There is much that I relate to amongst all your contributions - thank you.
One of the thoughts that I return to many times when reading posts is that we all have rates of progress.
Rate of progress is different for different aspects of our recovery whether it be emotional, muscle control, return of sensations, upper or lower limb etc etc
Also we each have a different sensitivity to what knocks us off course; a slight tummy bug maybe just that or maybe the trigger for debilitating fatigue again and 2ndry or 3ary impacts .
Progress runs in fits and starts and goes backwards too 
Worse one has to have faith, has to learn to persevere when no progress is visible because like the baby analogy above - progress is going on invisibly until enough components of reached a state where they combine and the capability is revealed.
It needs faith that is not provided by the therapy professionals IME
When all this is considered then the far-too-common medical statements about “you can only make progress in 6 months”, “you’ve reached the plateau no point in trying anymore” and the great truth about ”use it or lose it" - well then I’m depressed on behalf of others. Because it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy .
I thought as I read
and
Highlight the real elephant - it’s the emotional and psychological acceptance of one’s situation and then the benchmarking of ones capabilities and then the work without evidence and just faith until some progress as being seen, and then the resilience to overcome the setbacks…
And it’s this last paragraph that this community paints grey or punctures to deflate or perhaps it should be paint pink? by providing examples not of the rate of progress but of the inevitability of effort being repaid in capability growth
Thank you all for providing me with support by encouraging when progress with absent and celebrating when milestone were visible over the past year… and in anticipation of it continuing next year
Ciao
Simon
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I’m happy that you didn’t have any serious issues from your fall.
You might want to try getting some fresh air.
I am glad you’re liking your food. That is very important.
I love tomato soap, by the way.
Take good care of yourself, Bobbi. I know how hard things can get.
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The first major hurdle is to survive the stroke.
I’ve seen people in hospital with me unable to achieve that, surrounded by grieving relatives. Obviously much loved but unable to keep hold on life.
Then there are those kept alive, on drips, fed by tube only able to grunt and moan, unable to move themselves, a distressing sight, yet cared for with great diligence around the clock. Relatives, shocked and helpless are witness to this with no assurance of what will be the outcome.
Things are not so dire but still pretty awful for others and their nearest and dearest. There are those also who seem to escape almost unscathed.
Stroke whether severe or not is a traumatic event with consequences that last for a long time. We deal with it as best we may, without guarantees but with hope for some sort of future.
To some extent, although it might not right all the wrongs, state of mind will affect the sort of journey we will experience. If that sounds a little trite I apologise and do recognise that sympathy has a place in all this.
These mountains to climb, obstacles to overcome etc etc are best shared. This forum is one place I value as a point of exchange for what we have to say.
I have a meal my wife and carer has put before me. Life must go on and I will finish here to consume what she has prepared for me.
Thank you for reading through what I have had to say
keep on keepin’ on
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Yes, you need to keep on keepin’ on. That’s what you do, as long as you can. You’re doing just that.
Happy New Year 2024! All the best to you!
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@Matthew1798 and to all the others who pass by here
the same good wishes for a Happy and Fulfilling New Year 2024 to all of you.
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