It’s so important to realise that, it will make such a difference to the journey. Grab every chance to communicate and to share.
That feeling of loneliness can be soul destroying.
Fragrance oils - never thought of them. I’ve got some squirrelled away somewhere with a burner.
Another project for me.
Thanks Roland.
Thank everyone for your responses. They have helped me a lot and I understand better that he is still very much in the early healing phase and it’s right for him to just rest. I suppose there is the natural tendency to want to do something, help in some way, but for now he just needs rest.
Thank you for you kind words and support.
@Poppy1
There’s nothing wrong with wishing you could do something about it, but it’s not a weight to carry around.
He will rest then he’ll get dissatisfied and try to get things done, it’ll wear him out and he’ll have to rest again. He will probably have to cope with frustration, anger and fear, which will also be draining, but he will appreciate your love and maybe you can find something you can laugh about together which will lighten the load for both of you.
Other times it will not be so straight forward, but as time goes by you can make it better.
I wish you all the best as does everyone here, of that I am sure.
Keep on keepin’ on
@Poppy1 just wanted to say hi & welcome. Sorry your dad has had a stroke. Hopefully you’ll get plenty of support here.
I echo what others have said re your dad needing plenty of rest right now. I was only discussing with my hubby today how i wasn’t allowed any visitors when i had my stroke (covid) & whilst it would have been lovely to see people I probably benefitted from not seeing them as I could rest. I did have lots of magazines dropped off for me but all i did was turn the pages over. Nothing went in at all.
I think I only had about 10 mins of physio a day in hospital. But to be fair i couldn’t have done any more. Fatigue was a massive issue for me. It’s important for your dad to get some physio but equally not to overdo it. It’s one big balancing act & takes ages to work out the right balance for you.
You could just leave a couple of magazines for him in case he does become tempted & I’m sure they’ll come in later if he doesn’t want them right now.
Look after yourself too. It’s equally as hard gor the family & you’ll be focussing so hard on your dad you’ll likely neglect yourself.
Sending you & your dad my best wishes.
Ann x
Personally speaking, I think the carers have the hardest time of all in the beginning. Because they are always on the outside looking in and don’t understand what the heck is going on inside our stroke brains or what a stroke entails…the doctors don’t fully understand either. But there’s an awful lot of major repair work going on in there and it can’t be rushed…bit like the road works we see everywhere 
Aside from the physical disabilities, I couldn’t speak, couldn’t write, could use my phone let alone a radio or tv. I tried to send a text to my sister to let her know I was fine. Apparently I did, just about, manage to send her a dot (a full stop) She was over the moon with that, because I was trying to communicate, she just didn’t know what but she’d take a dot any day 
It was a lot of hard work and tears of frustration though!
Don’t ever forget though, just because he can’t communicate, is just staring off into space or got his eyes closed, doesn’t mean he is not fully conscious and alert to his surroundings and what is being said! A nurse made that stupid mistake on my ward…just the once 
I’m 61 and nearly 3yrs post stroke now, I walk, talk…after a fashion, go to the gym, drive, all independently now. I do have slight Aphasia but I am now understandable 
It is true, @Bobbi , that more elderly people often times don’t get as much attention as younger people. We were told this flat-out when my mother had her stroke at 70. They said that older people are not as likely to make progress after their strokes. Well, my mother ended up walking like a normal person after 6-8 months. Her balance and reflexes were fantastic, too. My Dad and I worked with her every day. My mother was apathetic, which didn’t always help things. I will say, though, that some of my mother’s improvements were spontaneous and sporadic, but she really did work hard to get her walking back. Her arm came back to about 100%, and her hand was 80% recovered, except for some weakness and a little tingling in her fingers.
I am saying all the above, to make the point that there is no way of knowing exactly how well someone will recover after a stroke. The machine-like predictions of physios and doctors are often very wrong. They basically said that my mother would probably never walk again. How wrong they were! In fact, she walked as well as any other 71-year old (even better with great balance).
But, as you all know, my mother’s emotional state declined terribly over time. She also became irrational in the second year after her stroke. They never talked to us about emotional issues, etc. Therapy was all physical and speech disabilities, which she really had neither of after 6-8 months (slight weakness issues with hand).
@Matthew1798
I agree that there is more to be learned about stroke and disability, far more than the little that is already known.
Support can make a difference but we are very much in a trial and error situation with no guarantees of which is a good direction to take.
You pays your money and takes your chance.
It’s always good to share and I value your opinion and experience.
Keep on keepin’ on
Yes, stroke recovery is very unpredictable - like the weather. You do the best you know how at the moment. That’s what we did with my mother.
Her amazing physical recovery was never really celebrated because her emotional mind was in such decay. Oh well…it is all trial and error, as you say. All you can do is just go forward.
Best of luck in your continued recovery.
Thank you all for the really kind and helpful replies.
I am just coming home from a tough visit to the hospital. He has made some great improvements in the last few days, starting to get some feeling and movement back on his right side and he’s able to speak in full sentences, but he’s now more conscious and is getting very distressed which is so hard to see. I’m trying to reassure him and tell him about his progress but he’s very confused and a lot of what he says doesn’t make sense.
The doctors always want to manage expectations, which I do understand but we all need hope too.
It’s really early days I know but it’s so hard to see him in such distress.
Hi Poppy1, so sorry to hear about your Dad.
@EmeraldEyes is spot on with her comments and I can relate to all that she has written.
Looking back my first year was hell but it does improve and get easier, dont push him and let him go at his own pace. Wishing your Dad a speedy recovery👍🏻
@Poppy1 it’s really though to see those we love upset & ill and not being able to do anything for them. Stroke recovery is very much about patience and time & there will be good and bad days. In time a new normal will emerge & you’ll both adapt to this new normal.
Throughout it all though please make aure you take time to look after yourself. It’s really important. Don’t be afraid to accept help offered too.
Wishing you all the best.
Ann
@Bobbi i remember my physio saying to me that they only know about 10% of how the brain works so yes i think there is so much of stroke recovery is still a mystery…
Sorry to diverge from the subject of this thread, but I’d like to add that I believe the true experts on the subject of stroke are those directly affected by it.
Also, if my experience is true, we tend to imagine that someone will be along with all the answers. Maybe that is a direction which will likely lead to disappointment.
I could write so much more.
Keep on keepin’ on
Yes, the true experts are those who’ve had strokes, as well as their carers. Ask them!
Many things we were told after my mother had a brain bleed stroke were 100% wrong. We found out through experiencing it.
Take good care.
You too, Matthew. I think we just have to find our own way, but supporting one another does help a lot, which is why, as far as I am concerned this Forum and those who use it has been a big part of my life since the stroke. Its good to be able to say how you feel but also, just as much, good to see how others are getting along.
Thank you for asking. He has made some good progress in the last week. It’s amazing to see the change each day. He has been quite distressed but I think he is understanding what has happened a little better now and we are getting better at working out what he is trying to say or ask us.
How is your mum?
I’m glad your Dad is making progress. I agree that as Mum has become more aware of what has happened it seems to have thrown her for six. She can’t believe that she has had a stroke, that happens to ‘other’ people.
Mum is doing pretty good at home. It’s a period of adjustment for sure and it’s early days, so we are all finding our feet and what works best, but I am sure we will get there eventually, wherever ‘there’ ends up being.
We had the stroke nurse visit today who will be with us for at least 6 weeks - she was brilliant - spent lots of time with us all, talking about Mum, Dad and me and how the process affects us all. She will be our focal point of contact during this next stage and it feels comforting to know that. I am honestly surprised just how excellent the support has been thus far.
I hope your Dad continues to make good progress - great that you’re finding ways to communicate with him, I am sure that helps him feel less frustrated.
Look after you too, I know everyone says that but it’s so important x
