Hi @Eboni
Hello
As everyone above has said welcome and you are not alone.
The first few weeks / months are going to be a proper fog I’m afraid.
So sorry you’re on this journey. I am 10 months in from 3 ischemic strokes and it is hard for my friends and family and me!!. but there are good and bad days!
Keep talking to us and I hope you will find lots of empathy and understanding on here.
Kieran
Here is a picture of a polar bear to cheer you up!! As per @BakersBunny !!
K 
Those words speak to me. This is not what we are meant for. So what purpose do we now serve? That’s the riddle we must uncover. Find a reason for living, and slowly work on recovery. That’s our purpose ; to recover. It will please God, yourself, and hopefully someone else who cares about you.
Good luck, Roland
Eboni: so sorry to see your struggle and we welcome you, a community that shares this awful thing we have to deal with, and our sharing can bring hope and support. I can’t imagine doing what you are dealing with alone. You are so articulate and descriptive. You seem to have cognitive strength and that is so important. How far along are you? Can you tell us what side was affected and if you have some movement? Share some more details if you can. We are listening, wishing you the best, and I am praying for you.
@Eboni sorry to read of your struggles. Life post stroke is difficult but I think all of us would say that given time & patience things improve.
The Stroke Association offer a Here For You aervice where you can talk to somone in a similar situation to yourself. See link.
Do you have any friends or family who can offer some support?
Reach out on here for advice and support if you need it.
Sending my very best wishes.
Ann x
Eboni you are now amongst us, who want to share your struggle.
I tried to reply to you, Eboni, but right now, I just can’t. Much like calling your GP. Seems so easy, but it isn’t at the time. I will reply soon, but please stick around to get some of the support you need. We do care, and we do understand.
Shwmae @Eboni, in the depths of the mind fug it can feel as you have expressed very well, in moments as you have described, I spent a lot of time focussing on the smallest of pleasures, and often sought reprieve from senses like touch, sound and smell. I am to believe that doing this is a grounding technique. From the get go, post stroke, I rediscovered aromatherapy and music. My partner says that I pamper myself more than most of her female friends. This pampering I do is to soothe my mind, and settle periods of anxiety and fear.
Hi Eboni
Sorry you are feeling like this I can totally relate to how you feel. I do get out of my bed every day but if I had my own way and lived on my own I would hibernate.
I have finally made an appointment to go and see my doctor about my anxiety it has taken me 8 months to build the courage to do this. You will get there i promise.
People tell me I need to be kinder to myself and stop putting so much pressure on myself.
I am sending you a big hug take one day at a time and mark every achievement wether it be with a bar of chocolate, cake or a glass of wine xx
Big hugs I know the feeling two years today since my stroke my sleeps all over the place … it’s difficult every day just got to be positive or keep trying…
I don’t understand how we are abandoned like that. Either of us. It’s sink silently culture. It’s like professionals see it as a non event. It will pass go home. Thank you for acknowledging because I just feel like I’m a burden and of leave of my senses/mad. I’m lost in space. The world has spit me out. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m a grown woman with life experience/solutions. I have absolutely none for this level or situation. Seems like there is none but sink silence shoooo sleep suffer
Don’t listen. Those voices in your head…they are nonexistent. They are a burden, They are worthless. They want you to be as useless as they are. You are not mad in the mind, but you should be angry, with the voices, with the world that doesn’t know what to do with you, so they just leave you, rather than try to figure it out and to help.
I don’t know how many of us have had to make phone calls and inquiries online to find the help we need, or stumble onto it in some other way, but I have been one. I also do not know most of the helpful information regarding benefits for help in the UK. I am in the US and am more familiar here.
I also don’t know how long it has been for you. Two years for me. Things seem to be beginning to come together much more at this point, but not to the point of getting back to a job, or driving. To a place where I can be up and moving, but rest when I need. I can do some chores or plan a bit. I can enjoy my life now where I didn’t much in the first year.
Please don’t let those thoughts lie to you. You are worthy and useful and there is a reason you are still here, in whatever condition you are in. I don’t know what your condition or your purpose is, but I suspect you will find it as you recover. You write a bit like a beat poet. Your words have touched me because you could say exactly how I felt when I wasn’t able to get words out to describe. Perhaps you are here to remind me how far I have come, because I often forget what I can do, in the midst of what I currently struggle with.
Thank you for being here, Eboni.
Hi Eboni
Good that you reached out to this community.
Most of us have been where you are now and remember what it was like.
Being alone to deal with it is an extra burden .
I am 14 years down the road since 30th october 2009 when I had a small stroke which changed my life forever.
The first two years were especially difficult with feelings similar to yours and like you I was alone to deal with them.
I can remember the “sink or swim” conversation that I had with myself.
You will move on and I wish you luck .
There is always support from this community.
thanks for sharing, it is inspiring and gives hope to noobies on the scene like me. I’m sure I’m not the only one who values what you have to say.
Keep on keepin’ on
Hi Eboni your post was so saddening and heartbreaking I just want to give you a big hug wherever you are 
and what you’ve written is exactly how I felt and I’m sure most of us on here!!!
Also it’s so devastating it can’t really be said the way you feel put into words!
But I’ve been having a phone call every week we started 8 weeks ago from the stroke association give them an email they will put you in touch with someone like yourself or with someone similar who has been through what you’re experiencing and you can chat for a little while every week it’s was helpful to me and I hope they can help you too? It’s worth a try!!!
Take care 
Hi I feel for you as we all do on here so you are in the best company no one understands like us who have all had strokes
Mine was in Feb this year and I felt same as you I live alone and I was brought home with the knowledge that ot and physios will be there within couple of days
I was left for 6 weeks until ot came to see me .
I was very anxious, and depressed just staying in bed resting
So I decided that only me can help myself so I talked to my dr and physios and decided on a plan I now work one day a week at st roccos charity shop and I love it
But when 8 get tired I have to rest otherwise I start feeling dizzy and headachy
Im just telling you this to encourage you that there is a good life to lead after stroke although it’s different I call it my new life
So onwards and upwards sending love
Hello DeAnn
What a lovely response you did for me. I loved it! I didn’t know what a beat poet was so I googled it. Thats an amazing compliment you gave me. I am struggling like we & many of us are. Is it denial maybe? I look normal I guess. I unwittingly grew a new facade I think. I don’t like to show any ‘vulnerability’ because it always got me picked on from nursery school to workplace, including outdoors etc. Be scared and do it anyway club.com. My left hand arm shoulder and bicep took a hit when I collapsed. My brain is fried and tangled and disorganised. I feel perplexed every time I have to speak. I can’t tolerate mishaps and I’m now a mishap. My verbal communication with others makes me frustrated. I don’t understand others and others don’t underdtand me. I watch and repeat watch shows because I’m compelled to fully understand everything because I have always understood complex and distressing information. Now even watching Emmerdale is too complex and I have to repeat watch every episode several times.
There’s something to look forward to, then.
I’m coming up to 14 months. Pitfalls all the way !
ciao, Roland
Be kind to yourself x
Hi @Eboni
I’m sure your eloquent expression of the new realities that stroke causes touch us all but it seems you’ve had the worst of many (all?) of us 
I’ve little to add to the sentiments of @DeAnn @KGB @Strings @Moonie66 et al - you’ll find some of on zoom on Thursdays (and other times) see Zoom meet ups for details in local timezone
Ciao
Simon