Hi every one, im busy getting ready for work n i feel like crying. I cant stand it. I just dont want to go. I feel like i could just stay in bed all day. Im strugaling lately. I mean its never easy but i cant stand it. Having to pretend all day.
Hi I know how you feel, the emotions are so over whelming after a stroke. I feel really down today so I have phoned in sick, like you I get fed up pretending all is ok, it's not " I have had a stroke". People say all the time " you have been lucky you have come out of it good" I know that bit hey it happened thats enough. Hope you managed to get to work as I said I know that feeling well. Chin up and smile we have made it to another day.
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I'm not sure what type of work you do but do they have a quiet place where you can go if things get overwhelming? Somewhere away from everything and everybody just peace and quiet to gather yourself back together after a breather. Also go out at lunchtime if you can to get away from the building. I aren't going to say I know how you feel because I don't. I'm retired and can't imagine having to pull myself together on bad days to do a day's work so I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Try to stay positive and take each day as it comes x
Thanx Jennyl, im here. Pretending again. I hate it cant wait to get home. Lucky u phoning in sick hehe. Im always scared that if i have any time off i might get in to troble. My boss is lovely but there is only so much time i can have off. I was off last wk for a day so dont want to push it. Hope u r feeling brighter soon. Role on 1.30. Xx
Thank u. Iv been asking since i came back to wk in january 2018 for my own office and im still waiting. I could try asking again but i think i will probably get the same responce. Also the woman i work with has been awfull since i got back. I would go as fare as to say iv been bullied on srvaral ocassions. She is a bit better now. I just dont want to b here. Xx
Hopefully that will improve with time when she gets used to the new you! I mean that in a nice way - we are all new people after a stroke and, in time, you will get to like the new person you are and not yearn for the person you used to be. It took me a while. I hated the new me but now I quite like her. We get along OK together now! People will start to accept the new you and if they don't stuff 'em! That's what I think! If you do get bullied at work, there are procedures for dealing with it in larger companies. My husband's work has an anonymous hotline to report the person and they get discreetly monitored by management.
Thank u for your advice. I just wish it would all just go away some times. I dont think im there yet with liking the new me. Hopefully like u say i will get there. It has been a yr and a half though and im only 37. Thank u for listening. X
Dear Christopher
I promise you that things improve over time. Slow, then very slow then even slower. But things do improve.
I am three years and eight months and I still cant identify my inner self. Yesterday I was very active and proud of what I had done. Today I am paying the price.
I havent found much joy with new friends and thats because I am changing all the time.
I have new friends who had strokes and they are such a boon. And my cat still loves me !
Colin
Ah glad you made it in to work, that's an achievement in its self you should feel proud of your self. I have a very understanding company and very supportive, I was off for 9 months when I had my stroke last July. I do hope your down days get less but they do just creep up on you, Last night I was in tears about various things 1 being having had a stroke and to top it a big filling broke, all that I had gone through with the stroke and crying over a filling lol. I guess it is harder for you to show your feelings being a man ( I dont mean that condsending) we always taught our son who is nearly 40 it's not a shame for a man to cry but I guess it is easier for women to talk, we do a lot of that lol. The down days will get less. How long ago did you have your stroke and what type did you have if you dont mind me asking. I find this sight a great help talking to mind like people who know exactly how we are feeling. Keep on going to work and be proud of yourself for getting there. Take care Jenny
Hi jenny, im a woman hehe ( my name is Ayisha. I dont no how to change it on here i just set it up really quickly). My stroke was in october 2017 n you will have to forgive me for not knowing the correct tearm, i had a clot ( think dont no coz i didnt want to know i just wanted it to go away). Im home from work now just had a lovely bath and got pjs on. It just gets to much some times and my family are great but unless you have been there you dont have a clue. I think as well coz i look fine, i had no left over efects as it was caught really early ( my husband was home n saved my life) every one thinks im ok. The only problems i have are the way i feel and my memory some times. Thank you for listening. X
Hi colin, its just so hard when no one around you has a clue what it is like. Im home now had a lovely bath n sitting infront of tv. I feel bit better but it all just starts again tomorrow. Thank u for being so kind. Its Ayisha by the way, set up quickly n used my sons name n now i cant change it hehe).
Dear Ayisha
Only another SS understands.
Part of the problem is that we generally look disgustingly well ! I believe some of our medication gives our skin a good appearance.
Another part is that the average person can not maintain an interest for more than six weeks. Nearly every illness lasts less than six weeks. But our disability takes years to get as good as we can be.
I find it hard to grasp that there are so many of us (?A million plus?) yet stroke is so badly understood.
If we had a leg amputated then we would get more appropriate treatment. But we have had a bit of our brain amputated and no one can see that.
Can I assure you that the slow slow slow recovery does eventually give us improvement. You will not go back to how you were before the stroke. But yu will have a lot of improvement. I cant imagine how awful it must be to return to the workplace. And be amongst judgemental peope who havent a clue what you are going through.
I know I am ridiculously priviledged because I have a very decent income without working. But I do a tiny voluntary job for just a few hours a month and that slays me. I also make tea and coffee for a handful of local groups. And I clear the tables and wash up. I dont find this easy but i am getting better at it and I feel that I am being useful.
Do keep smiling. It helps.
Do keep positive, us positive ones get the better recoveries
And you are never alone. Lots of us are here for you.
Best wishes
Colin
Thank you colin. That was so lovely and well done you for the amazing work you are doing. Im off to work again ( i do feel a little bit better today. Still rather be at home though). Thank you for your kind words. Ayisha