Why did this happen to me

Thank you, Im so glad I found you all,people react in different ways,some speak to me loudly as though I am deaf,others talk to me through my husband,and Ive had one friend...?...who ran away! its not catching! x

Lots of prayers to your way xx a friend who left you never meant to be your friend. Start making new friends. No need to be alone share and shine. 

Thank you for your reply,the "paddling" is a little difficult at times.I was thrown back and had a "grounghog day" when a "well meaning" physio from my doctors surgery suggested I make a will,and a power of attorney statement! what! Im on the mend arent I! took me right back to the day of my stroke and the Doctor in the stroke unit telling me if I didnt quickly have a thrombosis intravienous treatment I could die,and that the treatment had its own risks,I need to get over that first,before making a will x

Hi Colin,

just thought Id give you an update on my journey..I have most use of my right arm/leg back now,speech is improving,still a little hesitant at times,stroke team signed me off,nothing more they can do,the downside is,I am still petrified that I may have another stroke,I still cry a lot,and cant seem to "comprehend" if that is the right word,my brain sometimes cant cope with just little things,still taking the medication of course,Hubby bought me a puppy thinking this would help,but I need his help with her as I just seem to get jittery at times,is this normal? am I expecting too much from myself,hope you are ok,thanks for lending me your ear!

Dear Eileen

Nice to hear from you.

Do keep moving all your muscles and all your joints. I stupidly did not do this and now I am paying the price for it.

I found that my speech came back without any effort on my part. However I do live with a wife and so it was common for me to speak. Its really good to hear that your right limbs are moving.

It isnt so nice when we are signed off and find that we are in fact cut adrift when we actually need lots more support. 

A fear of another stroke is probably your instinct. Your brain did not like the stroke and so it is insistent that you avoid another one. This comes through as fear and is not helpful. If things do not improve then please get some counselling. We need stroke specialist counsellors.

On a more concious level, you are taking preventative medicine. Resting. Exercising sensibly and eating sensible food. Keeping our BP pulse and so on at good levels. So we are much less likely to have a stroke than anyone else.

If we were due to depart this life then we would have gone at the time of the stroke. We have been chosen to survive. That makes us special and I believe we are saved for a reason. So lets do the best we can. Take this second chance and smile smile and smile. Be positive.

The emotioinality is a pain. Being male I dont cry. Well I do now. It eases over the months.

Yes I too have little things that I cant cope with. And indeed bigger things as well. I have found that rest is the only real cure. We must avoid overdoing things. Even though no one can say exactly what "overdo" is.

Are you jittery trying to cope with the puppy ? Or are you jittery over many things.

A cat adopted me some time after stroke. He helps me so much. I do not get jittery looking after him and he has made my life worthwhile. Never had a pet before and he doesnt mind that I had a stroke. He treats me for what I am and no humans can manage that. He is consistent and applies no stress. He asks for food, he asks me to open doors. And cuddling him is therapeutic excellence. I love my cat so much. And when the wife is away he is a living thing in our home.

You ask if your jitters are normal. Well I think I can safely say that many or most of us get the jitters. However it is not normal. We lost normal the moment stroking got us. We are never returning to normal. We are however improving and will achieve a new level of being. Old Eileen is gone. New Eileen is making her journey back to life.  

You probably do expect too much. Your amazing brain will continually remind you that it needs rest and more rest. Water and more water. And no stress.

Best wishes

Colin

 

 

thank you Colin,you are like a wise old sage...I do worry that I get a bit sharp with the puppy without realising it.I have days when I just sleep.It seems to me in my case anyway that my GP doesnt do any follow up,if you want a Doctors appointment its in 3 weeks time,I have a telephone appointment next week, but what if you just need to talk to her inbetween, just hey,you can expect these things after a stroke,not even how are you managing your new meds.The jitters continue...just to make you titter a little, I went into Morrisons the other day and just walked out with a trolly ful of shopping...one of the staff saw me,and gentle steered m e back to the check out,she knows Ive had a stroke so knew I wasnt shoplifting,...what do you say "opps sorry,my brain wasnt engaged" I do still worry about myself,I know the new Eileen is waiting,but I think Im scared to let her loose! Thank you for repling, your wife must have a lot of patience,I see my husband crease his brow more than once! take care, Eileen

Dear Eileen

Not sure that I am wise. Pre stroke yes but not now. Not sure about the sage. Most people dont relate to me. Old...well yes I am old and I feel about 15 years older then I am.

Try to be kind and not be sharp with the puppy. He will respond with masses of love, which is what we need post stroke. And hopefully he will snuggle up and slow you down. Perhaps a cat is better at this, but a dog has other merits. Your puppy accepts you as you are.

GPs do not fit in with stroke. It is awful that we have no after support. There is probably a local stroke group and I would urge you to attand. The SA run many, but SA do not cover my area at all. We have a voluntary group and they are wonderful. Please try to find yours. The GP surgery will have info (the staff not the GP). Your local church will have contacts. Your hospital will have info.

The SA may well help, I hear good things about the SA.

I had done a few shops but one day I got to the check out at my local supermarket, a co op, and I didnt know what to do. I couldnt work out any of the process. So I told the cashier I didnt know what to do. She was so nice. Staff came to put my shopping on the counter, and take it out the other end. And take me to my car. The cashier explained what I had to do. When I next went to the co op, the lady on the check out came over to me (shes not supposed to leave her station) and checked I was OK> The staff will do everything and they do state that they are dementia etc friendly. I say I have had brain damage and that my brain just doesnt work.

I am afraid that my missus does not understand what is going on. She cant accept the new Colin is here and she expects the old Colin to do what old Colin always did. 

But things are better than they were. I now get days when there is no pain. No emotional break downs and i have stopped trying to be old Colin. Forgive me if this is a repeat, but I am an FCA. Earned loads of money, had loads of staff at some periods. Now I have a 3 hour a month voluntary job looking after a memorial wall. And I make tea and coffee at some small local events. And I wait on tables. This is new Colin. So totally different from tax and pensions !

I have found that I have to be precise and specific with my GP. So I see the nurse about medication, and ears. And I pay for yoga and I would pay for counselling if I neeed it. The good old days of NHS are gone. And we have to live with that. 

I am alone this week, wife is staying with son in London. This is hard but good. I can sort out my own thoughts and do things at my pace. So now I will go and cook my supper.

Please smile a lot

Please be positive

Lots of us are here for you

Colin

 

Thanks Colin,yesterday was a melt down day,my brain said no way today,Im getting better with the puppy.she loves to be cuddled and that helps,she licks my face when I cry for no reason,perhaps she likes the salty tears,I cant seem to have any patience,a lady I know who has had a stroke which has left her slightly disabled, proceeded to tell me that I hadnt had a stroke....obviously doctors and hospital just told me that for something to say,she seemed to think it was her right to be obnoxious to me,as I was only in hospital for a week were she was in for 2 months,I told her "believe me I dont need to prove to you wether I have had a stroke" I had to walk away before my tongue got ahead of my brain and said something I would regret.

My husband has gone sea fishing today with his cronies,first time I have been left "unattended" felt a little vunerable to be truthful,I ll survive Im sure, Take care 

Dear Eileen

I started a reply then managed to delete it. I hate it when that happens !

The lady you know: Should be shot at dawn. What a disgraceful thing to say to you. And she, havind had a stroke, should know better.

For various reasons it is good to have your diagnosis to hand. That is shown on your discharge letter from hospital. I hadnt thought about the need to show the details to a nasty lady, but its useful for many other things.

The emotionality is a stroke thing and it does ease and fade away. I sobbedfor thirty minutes when I dropped the tea tray. No logic. But it happens.

Lack of patience is another cross for us to bear. I think its because we have to try so hard to deal with anything, that we lose our cool when thers dont help.

Its good that you have a day at home alone. It will help you sort ut your misbehaving brain. My wife goes away for a few days every month and I benefit from this a lot. And so does she.

Your puppy will identify when all is not well. Animals are far better at his sort of thing than us humans. I have just had an hour with my huge cat sitting on my lap. He can only get his front paws and his head on me. But it is therapeutic and calming. I love my cat a lot.

Be positive. Smile. Lots of us are here for you.

Colin

Of course you will improve sweetheart♥️

10% of stroke victims make a complete recovery and most of us get back to normal pretty quickly,just do your exercises from the physios and please stay positive!

Hi Colin,

hope your Christmas was good,Ive had this virus thing for a good 7 days,tried to have a couple of vodka and lemonades Christmas day ,nut was so ill the next day I thought Id had another stroke,speech went, leg no power...think Ill give it a miss from now on.

Saw the stroke doctor for the 3 month check, he said all was well,no follow up needed,found that strang.. 2 days later he phoned to say they had found I have atrail affibrillation.and changed my medication to a warfein type drug. still no word of follow up,just go to your GP,so I did and it was she who explained what it was and probably also caused by the angiogram,sorry my spelling is a bit oopsy, feel like a walking time bomb to be truthful. hope to speak soon

Pre stroke I enjoyed most spirits, wines and beers. But having worked in the industry I was aware of problems and kept my intake steady. Also made a big point of having one month each year without a drop. I now abstain for lent rather tahn a calendar month.

Since stroke I have found that a moderate drink, perhaps three glasses of wine in any one day, leaves me feeling awful and yes all the post stroke symptoms magnify during these spells.

Please be assured that this horrid time does ease. Things do improve and soon you will stop the more severe effects. We do need to work at it and its all down to us. Doctors and others might support us but its us that have to effect the recovery.

I always thought of 2020 as a future space age. But here we are living in to 2020. 

HAppy new year.

Colin

 

Hi Colin.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU, NOW DECIDED TO LEAVE THE BOOZE ALONE! really dont like the after effects,hope this new year brings us all we wish for,patience to deal with what we have wrong,and maybe just one lucky win on the lottery, Eileen

Thank you Eileen

And a happy new year to you too. 2020 wow. 

Booze does indeed react differently after stroke. I assume mainly due to the medication. I am OK with one or two units, but on christmas day I had 5 or 6 and I suffered. So nothing on boxing day !

Bless you

Colin

 

Spent countless hours playing solitaire and “naming” the cards as they turned up. Played UNO as well, and got familiar with flash cards simple addition and subtraction for starters, multiplication and division followed. Keep up the good work and ‘play hard’!

Dear Nanny Eileen,

I survived my stroke 10 years ago. I can remember feeling very scared to go to sleep, and didnt want to sleep in my bed where the stroke happened.

I hope you are now taking the preventative medication. This will really help. Try to sleep when you can and feel like it.

Things will get better it is a slow process. Try not to be hard on yourself.

Thank you.since the stroke I have now been diagnosed with atrail fib.I cant seem to pick myself up,there are days when I cant seem to get it together,I cry a lot too,I still wake up making sure Im still alive,every day is a bonus,and everyone says how well I ve done.but a lot is in my head Im sure you know what I mean

Dear Eileen

Please smile several times a day. It helps lighten your mood. Please note down all the things that you can do rather than the things you can not.

Emotionality is a common post stroke problem. Crying is regular. A minority laugh inappropriately, but this does show its the stroke messing with our emotions. You girls cope with this crying better than us boys ! It does ease over the months.

I used to wiggle my toes as soon as I awoke, just to check I hadnt had another stroke. Now I take it for granted that I am alive.

Yes we are chosen to live. So I reckon we are special. And that there is a purpose as to why we lived and others do not.

I think my purpose in life is a willing washer up...this is one of the few jobs I can do at the village hall and church. I can also keep my veg plot ticking over, which is a big effort, but I can do it. And I look after my cat whom I love so much. He adopted me and my missus after the stroke, he accepts me as I am

Colin 

 

Hi Colin,

Thank you again for your always welcome words of wisdom,I do try and smile,especially when I know what I want to say,and it comes out entirely different,most people accept my slurring words and my wobbly walk,because apparently,I look so well.some people say,"oh youve just had one of those mini strokes" come spend a day in my head!the puppy is still as naughty as ever,but she seems to know when Ive had enough.

do I like myself now,I didnt,but Im beginning to accept the old Eileen has left the building! and I cant change it.

I always say thank you to the big man for letting me wake up every morning,and not had another stroke.

You keep well,Im sure you are a wonderful washer up!

Regards Eileen

Lovely post Eileen.

We can not possibly be the same as before. Our brains have changed.

The smiles are for your benefit, not just to show others. I sit and smile several times a day. It fools my body into a sense of heightened wellness.

Yes that wretched "you look fine/you must be better by now" plagues us all. As does the TIA problem. TIAs need care and treatment but they shouldnt be mixed in with us lot.

Thats brilliant that you are starting to like yourself.

Many do not survive, but you have survived so you are special. You have been chosen to live.

I dont think it likely that another stroke will get you. Once you get past omne month you are not vulnerable to a second stroke.

And in any case everthing will improve now we have brexited !