I'm nearly a year since my stroke and I thought things would get better but all I hear are negatives my site deterated and can only see directly infront but my head constantly moves like I'm watching tennis and then I get lost in the conversation cause I have to look at each person indervidualy people ie family still treat me like I'm not there talk over me all the time I have no memory of my life before my stroke only getting to grips with my family don't know how to be a mum or a wife I feel empty lonely and very alone wish they would say up soon be back to normal you know what that person gone this is who I am now yea I'm lucky to be alive but am I really
A year is not that long for stroke recovery. Certainly lots improves for two years and thats not the end of all improvement.
You do not return to "normal". The old Lyndsay has gone. A new Lyndsay is forming. So there is no normal to work around.
Please start thinking a lot about what you can do.
You were indeed chosen to live when many do not. You do not have to be religious to grasp that you were chosen to live for a purpose.
Your poor brain does not cope with multiple conversations, so try not force yourself into that. When you brain is ready then you will know what you can do.
I do like my stroke diary. A couple of lines every day and then I can see what has improved. I can get in to my new world.
Thats severe that all memories are lost. I lost just a few months.
As the months tick by I am getting in to my new life. I cant do what I used to do, but so waht. My new life beckons and I need to work on that.
Do smile a lot.
Be positive all the time.
Colin
Iv got no identity don't know who I am watching films of my 2 children and it's like watching total strangers they call me mum but I feel nothing I don't remember given g birth to them my husband says he loves me but what's love I feel like a prisoner in this house which I done even recognise I'm not allowed out on my own as I wouldn't get home what is there to smile about I can't do anything round house I just sit n look out window sorry feeling really rubbish
Lyndsay
Lindsay, a year is a very short time and you are currently in a dark place. I am three years post stroke and the first year was the worst. I found being in company quite difficult and conversations were hard to follow. I felt alone, was very wonky on my feet and I often broke things. My partner would not let me out alone, but I am allowed a short morning walk with a phone in my pocket.
I see my first year post Stroke as a daily battle just to get round the house, do the odd task and get up and down stairs. But I fought on, inch by inch, day by day.....and it got better. It isn’t perfect and I had a bit of a down day yesterday. When I told my partner I was feeling down, he said, ‘But you’re not dead’. And he is right. Today I have tried to focus on each task in hand and do them mindfully. The day has been quite good.
I also value what I have. I am lucky to have a nice home and a lovely garden. I get great pleasure out of looking at the garden and the birds that visit it. I do hope you will get to enjoy things again. Your children and your husband need you. Look after yourself.
Lyndsay have you talked to your doctor about how your feeling?? One year like Colin has said isn't a long time, dad is a year next month from his first one he has the issues around communication, he thankfully gets on very well with the family dr so does talk to her. One day at a time don't beat yourself up. Xxx we are all hear for a chat, advice or moan ......
smiling does not have to be natural. a fake or false or forced smile will do.
this isnt just a crack pot idea, to smile yu use a lot of muscles and that sends messages to your poor damaged brain.
likewise being positivr sems to self heal yur brain.
please get yourself determined not to fall in to dpression. stroke does send waves of depression ad if you let that side win then your recoery will be lots slower.
part of the benefit of this forum is being able to let off steam, to others who actually understand what you are going thru. only another ss can understand
colin
That's awful. I really feel for you. As Karen said, if you haven't, you should go back to your doctor. You need care and support to build your new life. Have you looked to see if there are local support groups you can reach? It's so hard to find the mental energy to start the ball rolling when you're so depressed, but you shouldn't have to go through this without more support. I hope you do find a way to make life worth living. Big hugs xx
Hi Lyndsay,
As usual, our members have some really good advice here.
You can also contact the Stroke Helpline on 0303 3033 100 or email helpline@stroke.org.uk
Opening times:
- Monday, Thursday and Friday: 9am-5pm
- Tuesday and Wednesday: 8am-6pm
- Saturday: 10am-1pm
- Sunday: closed
I hope you can find support
Lara