Reaching Out

I wish I could cry, I have got to the stage now where I am completely numb.

As long as I keep busy I can keep a smiling face, I say the comforting words when he is having a tantrum or a cry. I stand back and let him get on with things when he needs to do it himself, I help when he can’t.

When I am not caring, or not working, or looking after everything I just sit and stare at nothing, I feel nothing. I don’t sleep properly, I don’t eat properly I know I should take better care of myself as there is no one else to look after him but I just don’t care about me any more.

Sorry having a bad time of it at the moment.

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Afternoon Nelly , when was the stroke ? It’s a double whammy for the Survivor and and the main carer it’s great you have come here for support and hopefully folks from both sides will offer support but firstly I’d say talk to a close friend or relative for comfort Our your GP. It will get better this awfull time will pass. I don’t know your details but similar posts to yours I’ve seen before. I’m a SS and know my wife had a tough time but two years on life is getting back to normal . Check your nearest Stroke Support group they have carers meetings where you can find the best support. Rant and rave here this is what this forum is for. Thinking of you and look after yourself

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@NellyC sorry you’re feeling that way. Carers do an amazing job & it often gets over looked. You’re just as important & should take time out for yourself too. Maybe some friends could take you out for a bit. Treat yourself to something nice. Perhaps, as @Pds has said you could join a carers group.

Sending you lots of love & best wishes.

Ann x

As a SS i put my wife throught the ringer. It wasnt because I didnt love her, it was because I had brain damage and couldnt do better. She never gave up on me,even when she thought she couldnt do it anymore. Now. 16 months later, Im now more cognitive of what she went through for me and im eternally grateful. Our marriage is incredible. Just 2 people who are so
devoted to each other. Its a beautiful thing. Im sure its hard to imagine but it can happen to you too. Dont be too hard on yourself. Your doing a good job. Asking for help is not failing, it actually shows your tenacity. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.


@NellyC you are not a failure, your just physically and mentally knackered. my husband was the same after a period of time it get’s better. I still have to nag him to wash and take pride in his appearance, then he reminds me that I am a nagging husband. But it dies get better. I now help to look after him as he has his own health issues. We joke that we are 2 middle age men falling apart :rofl: :rofl:, whilst the world is too. We don’t have family close by, get no financial support although I am on ESA benefits gp is rubbish. But still have each other.


@NellyC it shows how much you love him by putting his needs before your own, that said, you’ll burn yourself out, you really need to pace yourself, it’s so tough on loved ones who have taken on the role of carer.

Perhaps you should have a needs assessment undertaken for him and have outside care assistance come in a couple of times per day to take some of the responsibility off your shoulders.

Have a friend or family member sit with him and take some time to yourself, go out have a coffee and a chat with friends, you need to factor in ‘me time’ on a regular basis.

Look after yourself, take care, sending big hugs :hugs::hugs:, remember you’re important too

Thank you all for your responses. It feels like it has been such a long journey. He had his first stroke about 18 months ago and with support from OT & Physio he made a good recovery (from where he started), he was able to walk a little and do some things for himself; things were looking a little brighter and we started making plans, adapting the house so he could get about. He has now started having mini strokes and keeps losing functionality with each one. All the plans are on hold and everything is just about getting through the day. He tries so hard to be positive but it is impossible for him.