Placement

I posted on here about my mother’s stroke October 1 st 2020 .it been a tough journey, mum was place on EMI unit but did not have any dementia . I raised concerns regarding mums safety and wellbeing it was making my mother extremely anxious, the noise and many unwanted visitors in my mother’s room .
Fighting the professional is very challenging, i started asking the health board last May if i could move my mother to a home closer to me and a small general nursing home.
The home my mum was in was 80 beds , it was sold to another company its on its 3rd manager in 12 months, staff changes agency staff and lack of , the place was far to busy to have such a poorly lady who was my mother, completely dence down the left side double Incontinent no sitting balance and brain damage mainly fluctuating , believing she was able bodied and our dead family members are alive.
We have had issues with covid so moving has been a problem and the so called professional who said memory lane unit is the right place for mum
I could see this situation was effecting mum she was having anxiety attacks breathing issues chest infection which weren’t getting delt with stright away i was constantly as­king should mum see a doctor,
i decided to start again and i asked for a review i found a lovely care home 35 min from my home a lovely manager unlike the one where mum was placed .
Mum has never had the call bell so would have to shout out for help and often get ignored, i would have daily phone calls from Mum asking me to phone the home because she needed help which i always did and i said could you please see to mum , i had a 7 min voice mail where mum begged every person in the home to help her , it was heartbreaking, i have shared that recording with the health board.
like i said the unit was far to busy for mums needs , she was mainly bedridden and never left her room she didn’t want to interact with the dementia residents, they were frightening.
Mum was seen on the 2nd March by a psychiatrist who was amazing he could see mum was stressing because of memory lane and finally i had a professional who agreed she should be in a quieter location and it was effecting mum health.
I had made 2 formal complaint to the manager regarding a Nurse and a night carer , they were very cruel to my mother, i also complained about safeguarding ie residents in her room and no call bell, this all got brushed under the carpet.
1 st May we had the CHC review, the manager of the nursing home was awful she made mum out to be a monster and i thought what nursing home would have mum after these comments, which were so untrue, she said my mother behaved inappropriately towards staff they had to go in mums room in pairs, i have never witnessed that , even the head carer’s laughed when I mentioned this, they had a true connection with mum and i would be sad to not have them in mums life.
After the meeting i started putting a email together to the health board, saying what untrue comments the manager portrayed i invited them to meet my mother and see how she does not belong on memory lane and how ill she’s becoming, i told them i wanted my mum moved, i sent this email Monday 4 th May whilst on my 3 hour round trip of seeing mum ,
Poor mum hadn’t been so good chest infection low potassium and swollen stroke side ,
Poor mum started having a anxiety attack and needed to get outside for air , this was the first time since arriving 12 months ago that she had gone outside, poor mum looked awful after 30 minutes she was able to breathe and was looking better, we got mum back to her room Tracy the head carer had a wonderful connection with mum she settled mum down, Monday is a doctors day at the home so he popped to see mum , he reccomend keeping mum on the antibiotics and seem fairly happy with mum.
I drove home 4 hours later 6-30 pm i had mum on the phone saying she was very tired and a pain in her kidney, i told mum to tell the night nurse and i said have a sleep mum its been a bad day for you , il talk to you later .
7 -30 pm the night nurse phoned me she was very distraught saying mum had another attack and was in the recovery position and waiting for paramedics, my head was exploding, i could here all the noise in mum’s room i was screaming im coming mum , the night nurse was telling mum i was on my way .
It took 1 hour and 20 min , i never made it mum died of a heart attack i stayed with mum she looked very peaceful, mum knew she was dieing she said stuff that day and even phoned my daughter that night and told her.
I am totally lost without mum she was my life , shes free thank god in her mind body and memory lane.
I am now organising mum funeral which is the last thing I can do regarding mum .

I am challenging the home and have made complaints to CIW and the company , i involved our MP
4 days before mums death i will still fight for mum and others , i truly believe someone who has brain damage and mainly mum was 90 % lucid and mums memory was incredible it was the 10 % jumbled regarding our dead family members .
Why the hell put someone like this on a dementia unit, i truly believe the stress of every day life was such a tournament for my mother and caused the heart to fail.
I could add and write so much more but there’s no point.

Ive lost my mum and im empty i just wished i got her in to the nursing home that would of been better for mum’s wellbeing,
The stroke is more than enough to suffer let alone the worse placement ever :broken_heart::broken_heart:

Good morning @Deana_Fisher. I’m so sorry you and your mum had to go through this. It has clearly been very traumatic for you. It is hard when you lose faith in those which are allegedly providing care. You tried to do your best for your mum in very difficult circumstances. Are you getting any help with trying to process what happened? I would try and speak to your GP. You need to try and find some peace and closure. Wishing you the strength to get there, Julia

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@Deana_Fisher firstly I will say nice to welcome you back but it’s not really under the circumstances. I also echo what @JuliaH has said. I’m absolutely appalled at your mums treatment in the home it’s a total disgrace. I’m so sorry your mum, you and your family have had to endure everything you have and I’m saying a prayer and sending you a hug and hope. There’s not much anyone can say except I’m very sorry to read your very sad story about your mum who you love very much. Keep fighting the home you could change it for other patients. I’m so sad for you. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. I hope your family have the best send off for your mum and her legacy will live on in you and your siblings and grandchildren. Sending you a big hug :hugs: and love. I hope you can feel some peace for her :hibiscus:

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I am so so sorry to hear about all that. It must have been so awful for you and your Mum. What a horrible world we live in. The only thing I can say to you, is at least she is at peace now, but you have to come to terms with it. The healing process will be slow for you, but keep remembering the happy times, this is what will get you through. You are in my thoughts. Jane.

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so sad. I hope that your mum is at peace now and that your campaigning helps others in the so called “care” of homes like that0

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@Deana_Fisher my sincere and heartfelt condolences on the loss of your mum, it’s heartbreaking at any time and in any circumstances to lose your mum.

Add on top the events leading up to this and what your mum had to endure (and yourself from a different perspective) were utterly appalling. Try to take a little comfort from her now being at peace, no words can take away the pain you’ll be feeling at this moment.

Speak to your GP to see if you can get counselling to help you process.

Sending you big hugs :hugs: take care

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@Deana_Fisher I am so very sad to read your post it must be a very difficult time for you and your family. I know nothing you do can change what has happened with your mum but you might just be able to improve things for others. I really hope you can find some peace knowing your mum is no longer suffering. Sending you much love and hugs. Take care of yourself :hugs::hugs::heart::heart:

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I said goodbye to my beautiful mother yesterday, i now i have to learn to live without out her .

We raise £400 for the stroke association,

I wish you all well and thank you for your support !

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@Deana_Fisher Wishing you all the strength and courage you need for the journey ahead, losing a loved one is so, so sad and it takes time to come to terms with the loss of not having them with you moving forward.

Your mum will always be in your heart, you will always carry the love you shared for each other, remember all the good times and cherish the memories of your time and life together.

Love and big hugs :hugs:

@Deana_Fisher Oh Deana I’m so sorry. Your mum will live on through you. You are her legacy. What a beautiful looking farewell. I’ll say a prayer for her tonight. I wish you lots of strength and sending a big hug :hugs: look after yourself x Loraine

@Deana_Fisher condolences to you on the loss of your mum. Looks like you gave her the best send off. She may not be with you in person but will live on in your memories and thoughts.
Sending you lots of love at this difficult time.
Ann xx :heart::heart: