Hi I did write last week. My 69 year old dad had a significant stroke to his right side of his brain which has seriously affected his left side. He was found by his shower and may have been there up to 2 days, worse case scenario. He has been in hospital 2wks 5 days. When I visited him on the Monday he cried seeing me, and was with it, but unable to talk, swallow or move (only moving on his right side) since then it’s like he’s just given up, he’s had pneumonia, then a uti which caused seizures, and now today I have spoken to the doctor, it seems he now has another chest infection brewing. I saw him both past Saturdays, and he doesn’t even know I’m there, he’s pulled his NFT 5 times and is now having fluid through his hand. This week I have been asked to go to a Best interest meeting. They feel like my dad has just given up as I do, as he lost the love of his life to a stroke, after nursing her at home for 2 years. I’m not keen on a peg feed, as I know my dad does not want this, yet his sister says I’m giving up on him and she wants a peg feed. My dad would be mortified at being kept alive via a peg feed as he is. I feel like hiding. I lost my 38 year old sister and my 42 year old brother to Huntington’s last year, both with pneumonia so I am quite negative in what I’m seeing with my dad, yet his sister is clinging to anything… he’s refusing to eat and his meds too… thoughts please
Broneirian–My heart goes out to you. This is so difficult for you. First, I’d go to the Best interest meeting and see what they have to say. The doctors perhaps can give you some information regarding his prognosis that will help in the decision-making. It is amazing how the brain can heal after a stroke. However, rehabilitation takes a lot of hard work and dedication. I wonder if your dad believes he can possibly improve. What have the doctors said? If he can improve, perhaps he is just depressed (a condition that often follows stroke) and maybe the doctors can help with the depression. Ultimately, your Dad, if he is in sound mind, has the final word. Neither you nor his sister can make him want to strive to recover. It’s in his, and God’s hands. You and your Dad will be in my prayers tonight. Jeanne
Broneirian, I’m so sorry it has come to this for you.
I think you already know what’s to be done, you’ve come to terms with it and that’s good. But no decision needs to be made before the meeting so just enjoy the time you do have with him.
Your dad’s sister hasn’t reached that point yet, she’s still at the stage of where’s there’s life there’s hope, naturally she doesn’t want to see her brother go. Sad as it is to say, but your dad could very well take that decision off your hands. He has already made his decision. You are in my thoughts and prayers
@Broneirian my heart goes out to you. A very difficult situation. I wouldn’t make any decision until you’ve been to the best interest meeting. There may be options out there that you’ve not thought of.
Infections are quite common in people who are bed bound. Hopefully they can treat them. I imagine your dad is feeling really rubbish right now & doesn’t feel like he can fight it. Stroke recovery does involve an element of commitment & that’s something only your dad can do. Ultimately if he doesn’t want to you can’t force him.
PEG feed doesn’t always need to be permanent so might be worth considering. Not sure if your dad has capacity or not but if he does it will be his decision I assume.
It will be difficult for his sister too. She may be struggling to process it all.
Thinking of you all. Sending my very best wishes.
@Broneirian please go to the meeting, maybe take his sister too. love n hugs to you at this dreadful time
Bronerian, I’m so very sorry to read about your situation. I was faced with the same considerations and decision a couple of months ago with my beautiful mum. Deep down, I knew that the damage was extreme enough that my mum would have been subject to the kind of care, and quality of life, that she would have been devastated by. I have really struggled with the guilt of having made that decision to transfer mum to end of life care. This is perhaps because, with our situation, the care was terrible and I do worry that I panicked. Your circumstances sound far more considered. That certainly doesn’t make your decision any easier though. I absolutely agree that you must do what you feel is right for your dad, and not your aunt. Reflecting on what you think your dad would want, the outlook for him physically and mentally, and your potential future care scenario. It is truly the hardest decision and I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are doing all you can to get to the point where your dad isn’t suffering. X