Lost confidence

Hi all,its day 255 since my stroke.I’ve spoken on numerous issues of which I’m experiencing but I was a very confident person but I find now I struggle to mix with ppl.Walking into a shop/pub/restaurant or just busy place is very difficult for me. I’m very lucky to have a very lovely supportive wife,who tells me not to worry as I’m doing fine.I get frustrated because I know its my speech issues [apraxia]which some days are not to bad,other days I’ve no control over my tongue………Take care all

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@philrug hopefully your confidence will grow whilst it’s difficult please don’t let your world shrink. On days when you’re feeling up for it go out and about as much as you can, even if it’s only for an hour.

On the bad days, enjoy spending time with your lovely supportive wife.

It can be slow progress coming back from stroke however each day can reap rewards.

Stay strong, keep pushing onwards.

Best wishes

@philrug it’s very difficult but keep doing all those things. It will get easier each time. We often notice our frustrations far more than others do so try not to focus on them when you’re out.

Keep going. You’re doing well.

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Know how you feel, I used to love going out before my stroke but hate it now as feel too self conscious and I’m worried about choking , hope things improve for you soon take care :+1:

it’s normal to lose confidence - at least I have definitely done. I have been lucky and have no obvious disability but am so fumbly and sort of indecisive - I also seem to overthink things now - perhaps it’s just having more time to think. I’m sure that things will improve.

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Hello @philrug. I get what you are saying. I don’t have a speech problem as such but often struggle to find words or follow a train of thought. My appearance is altered, I have to wear a patch over one lens of my glasses and I didn’t wear glasses before. I feel very self conscious. I was invited out with a group of old work friends last night, some of which have kept in touch, some have not. I have only seen 3 of them face to face and there was about 16 going. I really nearly bottled it but am so glad I didn’t. The crucial point is they are lovely people. They accepted me, changed but the same, treated me normally, and I actually enjoyed it. They appeared just really pleased I am still here and able to see them. That was my first night out in 19 months with people other than family. If we don’t give it a go we risk further isolating ourselves. Have faith in others. Some have better abilities to know how to be and some do not but maybe it’s up to us to show them by making ourselves available? I wanted to share that experience in the hope that it helps your confidence. All the best, Julia x

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Thanks for sharing @JuliaH so glad you had fun with old colleagues. Keep going hugs :hugs: Loraine

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My views might be in the minority (of one?) but I rather feel those that are unaccepting have the problem not me.

I also find folk are curious and interested and sympathetic and many have a “there but for the grace of …go I”. Many also have experience of stroke in family or friends

As a life long introvert I do find socializing threatening & exhausting. I guess I have strategies for deflecting

I can understand that acquired stress from stroke & social circles is a thing so I’d advise finding your own deflecting strategies.

I guess there is a big difference between strangers, acquaintances, friends and family.

For the 1st two - If you’ll excuse the summary it’s the “f*** 'em then” summary on departure and the "not looking back (& not caring 2mins afer)

For the last two I think any bad vibes need some quiet but assertive checking of perceptions on all sides and gentle questioning & discussing if indicated before some possible hard conclusions (?)

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I am new so dont know if this will work! I find being with other people stressful and wondered if being involved in a stroke peer support group would help.

@braid1563 welcome to the forum. Sorry you’ve had a stroke. Hope you are getting on ok?

A stroke peer support group may well help you. The stroke association website has details of local groups and they also have an online activities group which you can join. If you message on the email address below they can register you to join the online activities if it is something you’re interested in.


Best wishes.


Hi @braid1563 sorry you’ve had a stroke but I’m sure you will find help and reassurance here. I agree with @Mrs5K but would also recommend having a look at the groups section of the forum. We have a group called ZOGthat has Zoom meetings 3 times a week which are a nice gentle way to interact with some of us. They are normally smallish groups of 4 to 8 people.

Hi @philrug, I think your reaction is very common (I certainly felt that way early days) but agree with others here that you should try if you can to engage. I completely agree with @SimonInEdinburgh that it is their problem, not yours!

People really don’t understand the non physical bits of stroke. Maybe if you said to them “if my face was all scared up from a car crash would you understand I have a brain injury?”

You could also consider getting a badge to say you’ve had a stroke if you get fed up explaining. I still say it though if someone looks at me funny when I’m struggling to pack my rucksack in a shop :grin:.

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Thank you for your welcome. I think i might link up with one group for a meeting and see how it goes. Ill also try the online group. Im quite isolated, live in a village with my dog (not able to walk him yet but hopefully soon. Diana

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Zog sounds good. I’m a bit wary of zoom generally as reception and my technical abilities are poor. I live in a village. But i might give it a try. Thanks for your welcome to the group. Something new for me. Diana

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I don’t mix with people since my stroke 4 years ago. I live with my husband and my dog and I’m happy just being home. Before my stroke I was working full time and enjoyed my work friends. Since then I’m very self conscience because I’m not the same person. Im unbalanced, use a cane, can only walk short distances, and can’t do steps. I need to nap more and have gained a lot of weight. Mostly because I can’t do anything. I also have several other health issues since my stroke that I don’t talk about. My whole life style has changed. Today was my birthday. Im 74 years old. I love to read and watch movies. But I am a recluse, and I’m ok with it. I hope you continue to improve and can enjoy your life in whatever way you’re comfortable.

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@LMS1 happy birthday :partying_face: nothing wrong with being on your own. I’m the same except for my 3 grandchildren and daughters.

I have taken up painting by numbers which is great for hand and eye coordination. Can you find a hobby, jigsaws, cooking and even if you are sat down there are exercises you can do from this position to get you going and diets too. Good luck.

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Sitting exercises

These gentle sitting exercises can be done at home and will help improve your mobility and prevent falls.

Do not worry if you have not done much exercise for a while, these seated exercises are gentle and easy to follow.

For these exercises, choose a solid, stable chair that does not have wheels.

You should be able to sit with your feet flat on the floor and knees bent at right angles. Avoid chairs with arms, as these will restrict your movement.

Wear loose, comfortable clothing and keep some water handy.

Build up slowly and aim to gradually increase the repetitions of each exercise over time.

Try to do these exercises at least twice a week and combine them with the other routines in this series:

Chest stretch

Chest stretch

This stretch is good for posture.

A. Sit upright and away from the back of the chair. Pull your shoulders back and down. Extend your arms out to the side.

B. Gently push your chest forward and up until you feel a stretch across your chest.

Hold for 5 to 10 seconds and repeat 5 times.

Upper-body twist

Upper-body twist

This stretch will develop and maintain flexibility in the upper back.

A. Sit upright with your feet flat on the floor, cross your arms and reach for your shoulders.

B. Without moving your hips, turn your upper body to the left as far as is comfortable. Hold for 5 seconds.

C. Repeat on the right side.

Do 5 times on each side.

Hip marching

Hip marching

This exercise will strengthen hips and thighs, and improve flexibility.

A. Sit upright and do not lean on the back of the chair. Hold on to the sides of the chair.

B. Lift your left leg with your knee bent as far as is comfortable. Place your foot down with control.

C. Repeat with the opposite leg.

Do 5 lifts with each leg.

Ankle stretch

Ankle stretch

This stretch will improve ankle flexibility and lower the risk of developing a blood clot.

A. Sit upright, hold on to the side of the chair and straighten your left leg with your foot off the floor.

B. With your leg straight and raised, point your toes away from you.

C. Point your toes back towards you.

Try 2 sets of 5 stretches with each foot.

Arm raises

Arm raises

This exercise builds shoulder strength.

A. Sit upright with your arms by your sides.

B. With palms forwards, raise both arms out and to the side, and up as far as is comfortable.

C. Return to the starting position.

Keep your shoulders down and arms straight throughout. Breathe out as you raise your arms and breathe in as you lower them. Repeat 5 times.

Neck rotation

Neck rotation

This stretch is good for improving neck mobility and flexibility.

A. Sit upright with your shoulders down. Look straight ahead.

B. Slowly turn your head towards your left shoulder as far as is comfortable. Hold for 5 seconds and return to the starting position.

C. Repeat on the right.

Do 3 rotations on each side.

Neck stretch

Neck stretch

This stretch is good for loosening tight neck muscles.

A. Sitting upright, look straight ahead and hold your left shoulder down with your right hand.

B. Slowly tilt your head to the right while holding your shoulder down.

C. Repeat on the opposite side.

Hold each stretch for 5 seconds and repeat 3 times on each side.

More in Strength and flexibility exercises

Page last reviewed: 6 January 2021
Next review due: 6 January 2024

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@LMS1 just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. :partying_face: