Lost confidence

Hi all,its day 255 since my stroke.I’ve spoken on numerous issues of which I’m experiencing but I was a very confident person but I find now I struggle to mix with ppl.Walking into a shop/pub/restaurant or just busy place is very difficult for me. I’m very lucky to have a very lovely supportive wife,who tells me not to worry as I’m doing fine.I get frustrated because I know its my speech issues [apraxia]which some days are not to bad,other days I’ve no control over my tongue………Take care all

1 Like

@philrug hopefully your confidence will grow whilst it’s difficult please don’t let your world shrink. On days when you’re feeling up for it go out and about as much as you can, even if it’s only for an hour.

On the bad days, enjoy spending time with your lovely supportive wife.

It can be slow progress coming back from stroke however each day can reap rewards.

Stay strong, keep pushing onwards.

Best wishes

@philrug it’s very difficult but keep doing all those things. It will get easier each time. We often notice our frustrations far more than others do so try not to focus on them when you’re out.

Keep going. You’re doing well.

1 Like

Know how you feel, I used to love going out before my stroke but hate it now as feel too self conscious and I’m worried about choking , hope things improve for you soon take care :+1:

it’s normal to lose confidence - at least I have definitely done. I have been lucky and have no obvious disability but am so fumbly and sort of indecisive - I also seem to overthink things now - perhaps it’s just having more time to think. I’m sure that things will improve.

1 Like

Hello @philrug. I get what you are saying. I don’t have a speech problem as such but often struggle to find words or follow a train of thought. My appearance is altered, I have to wear a patch over one lens of my glasses and I didn’t wear glasses before. I feel very self conscious. I was invited out with a group of old work friends last night, some of which have kept in touch, some have not. I have only seen 3 of them face to face and there was about 16 going. I really nearly bottled it but am so glad I didn’t. The crucial point is they are lovely people. They accepted me, changed but the same, treated me normally, and I actually enjoyed it. They appeared just really pleased I am still here and able to see them. That was my first night out in 19 months with people other than family. If we don’t give it a go we risk further isolating ourselves. Have faith in others. Some have better abilities to know how to be and some do not but maybe it’s up to us to show them by making ourselves available? I wanted to share that experience in the hope that it helps your confidence. All the best, Julia x

1 Like

My views might be in the minority (of one?) but I rather feel those that are unaccepting have the problem not me.

I also find folk are curious and interested and sympathetic and many have a “there but for the grace of …go I”. Many also have experience of stroke in family or friends

As a life long introvert I do find socializing threatening & exhausting. I guess I have strategies for deflecting

I can understand that acquired stress from stroke & social circles is a thing so I’d advise finding your own deflecting strategies.

I guess there is a big difference between strangers, acquaintances, friends and family.

For the 1st two - If you’ll excuse the summary it’s the “f*** 'em then” summary on departure and the "not looking back (& not caring 2mins afer)

For the last two I think any bad vibes need some quiet but assertive checking of perceptions on all sides and gentle questioning & discussing if indicated before some possible hard conclusions (?)

1 Like

I am new so dont know if this will work! I find being with other people stressful and wondered if being involved in a stroke peer support group would help.

@braid1563 welcome to the forum. Sorry you’ve had a stroke. Hope you are getting on ok?

A stroke peer support group may well help you. The stroke association website has details of local groups and they also have an online activities group which you can join. If you message on the email address below they can register you to join the online activities if it is something you’re interested in.


Best wishes.


Hi @braid1563 sorry you’ve had a stroke but I’m sure you will find help and reassurance here. I agree with @Mrs5K but would also recommend having a look at the groups section of the forum. We have a group called ZOGthat has Zoom meetings 3 times a week which are a nice gentle way to interact with some of us. They are normally smallish groups of 4 to 8 people.

Hi @philrug, I think your reaction is very common (I certainly felt that way early days) but agree with others here that you should try if you can to engage. I completely agree with @SimonInEdinburgh that it is their problem, not yours!

People really don’t understand the non physical bits of stroke. Maybe if you said to them “if my face was all scared up from a car crash would you understand I have a brain injury?”

You could also consider getting a badge to say you’ve had a stroke if you get fed up explaining. I still say it though if someone looks at me funny when I’m struggling to pack my rucksack in a shop :grin:.

1 Like

Thank you for your welcome. I think i might link up with one group for a meeting and see how it goes. Ill also try the online group. Im quite isolated, live in a village with my dog (not able to walk him yet but hopefully soon. Diana

1 Like

Zog sounds good. I’m a bit wary of zoom generally as reception and my technical abilities are poor. I live in a village. But i might give it a try. Thanks for your welcome to the group. Something new for me. Diana

1 Like

I don’t mix with people since my stroke 4 years ago. I live with my husband and my dog and I’m happy just being home. Before my stroke I was working full time and enjoyed my work friends. Since then I’m very self conscience because I’m not the same person. Im unbalanced, use a cane, can only walk short distances, and can’t do steps. I need to nap more and have gained a lot of weight. Mostly because I can’t do anything. I also have several other health issues since my stroke that I don’t talk about. My whole life style has changed. Today was my birthday. Im 74 years old. I love to read and watch movies. But I am a recluse, and I’m ok with it. I hope you continue to improve and can enjoy your life in whatever way you’re comfortable.

1 Like

@LMS1 just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. :partying_face: