Hello everyone my names Sarah, I’m 36 years old and it’s been a cruel, tough, incredibly emotional and frustrating 18 months since my stroke.
Im still only engaged (it’s only been 17 years but who’s counting) to my soul mate and mum to our 2 boys aged 13 & 15, it’s my 1st time posting so wanted to introduce myself, it’s a shame we are all meeting here under this awful umbrella but it’s pretty lonely out here and I want in from the rain .
I just needed to vent because I know you will completely understand.
I’ve been suffering really bad over the last 2-3 weeks with depression and my anxiety that I’ve had since my stroke is certainly not helping but do you find sometimes the little things can feel like really big things? I’m probably completely overreacting because of how I’m feeling right now but today for instance something I do every day I messed up today randomly, it was something so silly but I had a meltdown over the bathroom sink and it wasn’t a pretty sight, this is all over toothpaste!! I put it on my toothbrush and looked at it almost waiting for it to do something because my brain just went blank, there was nothing there and then I thought aha and turned the brush on… toothpaste everywhere but my mouth, I know its amusing but at the time it was just another bloody thing to add to the list.
I guess it doesn’t get much easier does it? Stroke survivors of 5 years+ do you still do random things?
I have done so many crazy things and most of it is damn common sense, I’ve just lost that whole bit and it’s tough!
welcome Sarah and very sorry that you have had a stroke. I’m only 9 months in to this but yes, I still do very strange things some times. I remember looking at the dishwasher for ages thinking “what is that large, white, electric box that washes the dishes called?” and I still am beaten in doing jigsaws by my 4 year old grandaughter. It must be so hard for you to be there for your boys when your brain doesn’t quite get it right all the time, but it is said to be very plastic and will repair itself, and they will learn so many skills by being with you on the journey.
It’s so frustrating isn’t it and yep I’ve done that too, just stood looking at something searching so hard to remember what it’s called, it’s just insane xx
Hello and welcome @Chivers. Sorry you are here but vent away. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I have had many a meltdown, things have been thrown away, huffed at, cried at, scratched my head at- why have I come in this room with this in my hand? etc. I am only 11 months in but I suspect this is something I will need to coexist with. You have alot on your plate, especially with responsibilities, it is no small task. Take care and forgive yourself, Julia
@Chivers Hi Sarah & welcome to the group. Sorry you’ve had a stroke. You have a lot to deal with having to look after children on top of recovering from your stroke. I think we can all relate to your toothpaste moment. I too have done the same with the toothpaste & had many a shower from my water flosser. Sometimes I giggle other times I sob. I know I find things that I used to do without thinking about it a lot more difficult now. You’re not on your own there. All those things we took for granted hey. I guess that gives us an advantage over others as we now appreciate everything whereas they don’t.
Try not to beat yourself up. Just remember the healthiest of people do silly things sometimes.
Best wishes
Ann xxx
Hi @Chivers, welcome, good to have you aboard but obviously sorry you’ve had a stroke. I totally get where you’re coming from as I’m sure most of us on here can relate. I often get frustrated/angry over silly things that used to be so easy & straight forward. However as time goes on I’m becoming less demanding of myself and (like @Mrs5K said) often pause and then just chuckle to myself.
Please feel free to vent on here, it can be really helpful & makes a change from bending your partner’s ear.
Sometimes you’ve just got to laugh at yourself though the occasional outburst is perfectly understandable.
Nice to hear from you.
Good luck with your continued recovery.
Mark
Shwmae @Chivers, welcome to the forum, hopefully you can find some solace in posting and our posts. Sorry that you’ve joined our club but we are all survivors doing what we can to pull through, so I hope you find some support here. I am a year and a half post stroke. One day my partner brought down, two flights of stairs, a heavy load of dirty laundry. She said, I’ve taken it halfway, can you take it the rest (to the laundry). So, what did I do? In my confusion, I took it all the way back up two flights of stairs thinking it was clean stuff she had just brought back from the laundry. An example of a muddled mind trying to piece together patterns and the bigger picture.
Hello Chivers, I hear what you are saying. I am 5 years+ since first stroke and yes I have those blank moments and think ‘what am I doing’. I do have a vent - usually at myself.
Then I get on and learn from my experience. The next time some random thing happens I think to myself ‘I have been here before - ride it out until my brain reboots and carry on’.
hi Sarah
i like you have moments like that. it is part of stroke survival. I get very easily distracted , meant to be wrapping some birthday presents up, but started laptop up and writing this instead, before I know it the morning has gone and I have not achieved anything. just think o yourself today is another day and you are alive
Hi Sarah like you 18 months And do strange odd things at times so I’d also be interested in old timers posting their experiences,I usually can laugh it off and have understanding partner.This spring needed to sow couple of cucumber seed but sowed whole packet, potted plants all over place brain slips a cog now and again. Venting on here now and again helps and when I can after a melt down have a good swear somewhere private
After 40 odd years of doing things differently, banging my head of doors etc., and losing things that I’ve just put down, I look at the positive side of things and also there are some funny moments too - yes-I know it’s hard at the moment to think of it like that, but you will build up positivity, strength and know what your own limits are when it comes to working, etc. I used to get extremely frustrated and angry at myself and now I think, tomorrow I will have ‘reset’ and some memories from the day before will be lost but I will be determined to have another great day and make more memories, some of which I will remember. Take care, cuddle the family - but make sure it’s yours and you’re not in the next door neighbours! Seriously, this group is here for everyone and everyone here can help with knowledge of their own and what has helped them, so always come back if you need to chat;-) Bert aka John
Hi Sarah yes some days grim , recently moved home and still got few boxes to unpack, partner still undecided final positions of furniture so find its frustrating and maddening when like magic things are rearranged but I’m sure it’s good for nogging recovery coming to grips with it. Yesterday not scanning left swept full tub of Greek yoghurt airborne to spatter over kitchen, not done anything like that for over a year but took a few deep breaths and kept cool. Partner at Eastbourne watching tennis, so knew I had time to clear up. Kept my head had a couple of rests and cleared mess and made fruit salad. Pretty pleased with myself and gave myself pat on back. Year ago this would not have been a laughing matter but last night had a chuckle, old boy did well Pds
Hi Sarah @Chivers I’m just over 3 years post stroke and when I look back it has got a lot easier, you just don’t realise it has as you’re always pushing to be the person you once was. I still have days of what the hell am I doing? I create a job trying to do a job in the early days it would cause a meltdown but now, well 99% of the time causes me to chastise myself and laugh it off. Life has not ended, it is more challenging and exhausting but it’s still there for us to make the best of. I didn’t realise how down I had become until a song came on the radio in the car and I started to belt it out and when it finished I realised I hadn’t done that in ages it’s the little things. Be prepared have those cleaning wipes at the ready failing that back to a manual toothbrush. All the very best give yourself a well deserved break Natalie.
This has resonated with me. My hubby & I were in a nasty car accident a number of years ago & I got quite down after it. It was only when I started singing along to a song on the radio that I suddenly realised I must have turned a corner as I too hadn’t sung along for months even though I am a big music person. I have just realised I haven’t sung along to music since my stroke either. There’s my next target…watch out everyone cover your ears
Sarah it’s been 8 months for me since my stroke I feel like I’m starting all over again I just don’t know what to do where to go how do I make sure it doesn’t happen again dealing with this all alone for me doesn’t help … it’s really difficult the rest of life with the stroke on top it for me I hope and pray things get better for you
What you say is so recognisable, Chivers. This is definitely the place though to vent and to share things with those who will understand from their own experience. Little things that don’t really mean much but can set you off into a nosedive. A recent one, making a cup of tea, was pleased with myself for getting all the right things ready, lining them up, and then pouring the boiling water straight into the tea caddy. Had to throw most of it away. It IS funny but it can be damn difficult to find it funny at the time, and all the memories of other stupid things I have done come crowding back in again to add their bit to the misery.
I don’t know whether this is any help. One bit of advice I do try to remember when this sort of thing happens. Remind yourself that for everything that ever happens, absolutely everything however large or small, it will eventually end up as something that happened to someone a long, long time ago.
Hi @Chivers oh I’ve had done many crazy things and had lots of meltdowns all over really silly things, it’s very frustrating especially as family don’t usually get it. I found this forum really helped me when I realised others were in the same boat.
Hi HardKnock19 hope your keeping well, I’m 18 months on road to recovery such as it is, was told at hospital was should make a good recovery, ok things could be better but I’m still here. Have mood swings and down days but day by day coming to terms with it. Accept, Adapt and adjust we’re told accepting is the big one for me and I expect for us all, but think I’ve conquered the fear of being smitten again. Eating only healthy stuff, exercise and plenty of rest and sleep.let us know how your doing, keep in touch
Hi Sarah, it is still very early days into your recovery , I am almost 4 years post stroke and I still experience memory lapse, and the odd meltdown, but recovery is ongoing and it does improve, I wish you all the very best in your recovery , keep on going , stay strong , and remember you are not alone , we are all survivors x
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brain slips a cog now and again. Venting on here now and again helps and when I can after a melt down have a good swear somewhere private
Pds
in the early days it would cause a meltdown but now, well 99% of the time causes me to chastise myself and laugh it off. Life has not ended, it is more challenging and exhausting but it’s still there for us to make the best of. I didn’t realise how down I had become until a song came on the radio in the car and I started to belt it out and when it finished I realised I hadn’t done that in ages it’s the little things. Be prepared have those cleaning wipes at the ready 
