yea im feeling alot better about things today been chatting and trying to engage,which is a big thing for post stroke me
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Hi @Justin. Please know that you are not alone. All of us in this group will be able to relate to how you feel and what you’re experiencing. Reaching out to others that have experienced stroke is such a positive and powerful tool for healing and moving forward through this incredibly challenging experience. I know that just being in this group has helped saved me from a breakdown. Everything will be ok. You are going to be ok. Take one day at a time, one hour at a time and keep talking about how you feel. Rant, cry, scream at the sea. Everything will be ok x
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Thank you Joanne,I will do my best.Im in a better place already,I think I’d just decided noone understood so stopped talking to people about things and just having an outlet where people don’t treat your fears and feelings as silly has really helped
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Hi Justin sometimes I am little bit tired and frustrated with my previous tias
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Hi @Justin . I’ve come late to this. But I understand, sympathise and feel for you. I, too, have had problems with anger. My relations with my - previously extremely close - wife and family have grown increasingly strained due to this. My wife and I are talking to a psychologist/therapist, and my children are also taking part. We have been close to the brink, and we are not through it yet. So I both feel for you and understand. Of little help to you, perhaps, but I am relieved that your message tells me that I am not alone and that my frustration, fits of temper and emotion are not just a problem for me. Anger, frustration and “being difficult” needs to be recognised as one of the consequences of strokes. I wanted to tell you that and that you are not alone. I have a family that has said they still love me but find me impossible to live with. What began, then, as therapy to “fix” the relationship has increasingly turned into therapy to help me deal with life. Life after stroke is not easy. I look the same. My physiological damage is both minor and invisible. My right arm and leg are weaker - although because I was very fit before, the physiotherapists say they are stronger than many people who have not had neurological damage. My sight is affected on the right, but that is again invisible. I have developed epilepsy as a result of the Covid and strokes. And there is deep, deep frustration at what I have lost - I am not allowed to drive or cycle because of my loss of vision. I was a scuba diving instructor and keen diver to depths of up to 50 metres. I have had to stop. I am not allowed to work, and have also been told not to be take up to many voluntary roles as they are likely to prompt more fits. I cannot look after my grandchildren on my own in case I have a fit. I cannot enjoy a couple of pints with my mates because of the drugs I am on - for the rest of my life. I get tired and have to rest often. My vision is worse… You get it. I could continue. But, and this is I hope my message to you, I remind myself that I am here. I am alive. I can spend time with my friends. I can enjoy films and tv programmes, I can read, if slowly. I can enjoy my food. I am learning to see my life as half full rather than half empty. And, as Elton sings, I’m still standing… I’d be more than happy to talk, although you may have enough support already. And I would also look for counselling/therapy from a trained practitioner. Do not be afraid to seek help. Would your family also take part, even if estranged? Hang in there. You are not alone. We are here for you…
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Thank you lea there’s a hell of a lot of similarities in what you’re saying to how I am ,have left it late but I’m finally getting councelling and got my first session next week.Sadly my wife has found herself a new man so it’s come too late to save my marriage but at least I can try and help myself get better.I have found this site so helpful,so many lovely kind people.Id lost faith in people but now I’m seeing there are many good people left
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And yea anytime you wanna chat you can message me mate,you can vent and get rid of any anger in a safe place
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Hi @Justin , just echoing what a lot of people have already said above , really. I recognise a lot of the feelings that you are describing. I had a TIA just over a year ago and was extremely lucky to have no on-going , permanent physical issues - but I just felt that something ‘wasn’t right’ . People kept telling me how well I looked, but I just wanted to shout that I wasn’t well and was angry at the fact that having worked hard for all my life and just got to the point where I could retire and enjoy the fruits of all that hard work - I’d had that enjoyment taken away from me.
My lovely wife suggested I get some counselling (something that was very alien to me and to how I would normally deal with problems). But, of course, my wife was spot on and I now have weekly sessions with a counsellor and through that have gained back a lot of my excitement about what lies ahead of me in life and a lot of my sense of self worth, the loss of which I now realise was at the core of my ‘not feeling right’ after my stroke. I’ve also learned to be a bit more self forgiving - having a stroke is a major event and it’s not a ‘weakness’ to feel scared, unsure about life, unsure about yourself etc. afterwards.
So I would just re-iterate what everyone’s has said above …
A) you are not alone and the way you are / have been feeling is common to people who have had a stroke.
B) find some way of talking through your feelings , face to face with someone , be that a local support group, counsellor etc.
C) feel proud of yourself that you are still here and fighting to get through this really tough part in your life.
Best wishes, mate , I really hope things start to turn around for you.
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Thank you Keith,just got my referral for councelling accepted so will be having my first session in ten days. I’m actually feeling excited to be able to start working on my feelings and emotions as I have ignored them for too long and as a consequence my life has become very isolated. I’m also a little frightened because through spending the last seven months virtually alone I’m worried about how I’m gonna be able to cope around new people,hopefully my personality comes back and I can start to feel like I’ve got something to say that interests others.As I find I’ve become less and less of a talker and more of someone who sits and nods.
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Well just got off the phone with the therapist at icope,and because of my speech,I’m now getting face to face instead of spending half an hour stuttering away on phone for maybe two sentences.I can’t believe how happy something so silly has made me.No stressing for hours before the call worrying if I’m gonna be able to get my points across in the allotted time and wasting time constantly feeling the need to apologise.Heres to the start of hopefully a new calmer more contented me
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Hi again @Justin - The very first thing I said to my counsellor was that ‘I no longer feel like me’ and slowly came to realise that my self esteem was at an all time low. My counsellor helped me hugely in getting me to address my feelings, emotions and actually get back to liking myself again - I now spend more time talking to myself than I do her (thankfully not out loud ). I also learned that it’s OK to feel down, angry, frustrated etc. and that I’m not showing ‘weakness’ by needing help to get through this.
As I said - best of luck , I’m rooting for you (but to put that into context , I’m a Welsh Rugby and Arsenal football supporter - so having me rooting for you may not be that much of a help !!)
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Another Arsenal fan good on ya,yea looking forward to getting started and self esteem is probably behind alot of my anger and depression.Havent really felt of any use since the stroke,found alot of people around thinking I’m being lazy and not putting in the effort they would like me to because I look and move like I’m "Normal"but inside I’m still struggling and I’ve become afraid to mention it because I don’t want people tutting and telling me to get on with it.Fingers crossed this will be the start of me understanding more about my fears and being able to overcome them
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@Justin it sounds like things are moving in the right direction for you now. I’m so pleased you’re getting thecsupport you need. Good luck with it all.
Ann x
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Thank you,fingers crossed😁
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Can you make an appointment with your GP, And explain your problems, your GP should refer you for treatment.
I am sorry you have become estranged from your wife and kids.
Have you tried talking to them and explain how you feel.
If you can’t talk to them because they won’t listen, try writing a letter to them explaining how you feel
thank you jonty,im starting councelling with icope in a week or so been and joined a new GP who seems to be very much on the ball so fingers crossed things are looking up.As for my wife i just found out shes seeing someone now so thats a dead duck,my children will come round eventually.The hardest thing is the physical distance between us as im 100 miles away and simply cant afford to be getting cabs and trains constantly,unless my lottery numbers come up my new reality is im not gonna be in their lives like im use to being so gotta find a way to be ok with that
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Hi Justin I have not been through the same as you but am not going back to my job I have been struggling emotionally so I have signed up to online counselling with IESO which is free also citizens advice seems to be the main thing I am waiting for them to contact me as I have no clue where I go from here you have admitted you’re struggling and wanting help that’s a major step
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Thank you jul,sorry to hear your struggling too,I self refered to icope and they’ve been brilliant and quick,because I can sometimes struggle with my speech they’ve organized face to face for me,…it’s been about two weeks from self referral to first appointment.Maybe they might be worth looking at.I also can’t go back to my job as I was publican and don’t think that lifestyle is conducive with my recovery no idea what my future work life will be but just gonna work on my head for now and worry about work when I’m in a better place.
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Icope is also free,it’s NHS run
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