Stroke of Luck.
You seem to think I have a lot
Of something I just haven’t got.
The stuff of me before the flood,
That made my banks of memory mud,
And breached the damn of no return;
The damned of much new stuff to learn!
How to eat and how to talk,
Raise my arm and try to walk,
How to logically explain
I’ll never be the same again,
Since the time when I awoke
From the timely luck of stroke.
Hawne.
New Year.2022.
Welcome to our forum and for your poem. After my big stroke six years ago I wrote a poem every day for a year. It was part therapy and part explaining my feelings to others. You are in the very early days of recovery so keep working those limbs and improvement will come. You are a survivor.
Hello Lorraine, I had my Ischemic stroke on the operating table sixteen months ago.
I’d been admitted to ICU as an emergency with Acute Necrotising Pancreatitis caused by Sepsis. It was dreadful; came out of nowhere and I was dying!
The Covid team and a brilliant surgeon worked on me. I was put in an induced coma for ten days, on a respirator, tracheotomy, catheterized, colostomy, cannulas, all sorts of drainage tubes etc…
I had four operations over eight days. They had to leave my abdominal cavity open and I existed in an ice tent.
On a subsequent operation when removing part of my Pancreas, my body went into an extreme trauma and I had the stroke. It was a clot that they were able to clear quickly and I survived.
I then developed diabetes.
When I eventually came out of the coma my right side was very, very weak, I couldn’t raise my arms or legs and could only lie very still on my back. My speech was O.K.
With the brilliant care of the medical staff they got me on my feet again.
I stayed in hospital for six months; my recovery prognosis is two to three years. I’ve had two relapses so far but things are improving.
I can walk with a stick and I no longer need to inject insulin.
My biggest problem is stroke fatigue. This renders me useless!
Sometimes I crumple onto the ground, other times I fall head first into my dinner!
I can’t remember much sometimes, then at other times it’s there as clear as day.
My fatigue comes in cycles coupled with depression and anxiety so I save my interesting jobs for the good times and give in to the not so good times! It helps not to associate the things I enjoy with feeling down and very fatigued.
So, that’s it in a nut shell.
I was actually saved by my stroke. It would have happened anyway; it just happened to be when I was in the operating theatre with the most fantastic N.H.S. medic’s I’ve ever known - they are like family to me.
I’m off to the stroke clinic tomorrow for a checkup. I don’t drive at the moment so my wonderful wife will take me.
Now there’s another person who deserves much praise!
That’s for another time.
Hi @Hawne , welcome. Sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough time of it. Stroke and then some! I wish you well with your recovery.
I’m sure you have lots to deal with but I certainly understand how difficult the fatigue is. It seems to be one of the more difficult parts to cope with and can be totally debilitating. Probably also the part that non ss’s can’t relate to.
I am 7 months into my recovery and still finding fatigue annoyingly unpredictable. One day I’m fine and the next wiped out.
I’m sure you will find lots of helpful advice on here.
All the best.
Mark
Hi Hawne,
Great love this, thank you
Amanda
This poem is very true about stroke it also shows that the Brian can recoverLOL
Things can get better. I had a stroke in 201 9 2 days after my 68th birthday a blood clot stuck in my brain. Full left side paralysis, leg, arm, face & mouth. Total shut down after passing out. Left side paramedian pontine infarct.
My wife called the ambulance who took me into the hyper intensive unit, where I was given the clot busting drug.
I write this whilst waiting for our return flight to Leeds from Alicante.
I can do most things but not as quickly as before. I was back in the gym & pool within 3 weeks & driving within the month.
I was very fit & have recovered most of my abilities.
Hi Hawne just read your poem while sitting on bench in cloister of local Buddhist monastery. Thank you for posting that don’t know about other folk but found it described my situation spot on. I wish you well on your journey of recovery a grateful Pds
Thanks,
Here are some more words.
Analysis Paralysis.
I had this catastrophic illness,
No one thought that I’d pull through.
Before it I had known distress,
But didn’t know what I should do.
Things were slowing down so much,
Bits dropping off and getting lost,
I’d lost my mojo - lost my touch,
All I could do was count the cost.
Then it happened, something popped,
Too much of life is what I’d got,
My guts gave up and time just stopped;
Everything began to rot.
Then someone took a knife to me,
Cut it out and drained the sump,
He killed the man I used to be,
And put my rubbish on the dump.
Since that time, when I reflect
On who I was and how I died,
That blade had such a sharp effect,
I wonder who was on my side?
If I could recommend a cure,
For a catastrophic state,
There’s one thing I am very sure;
Stop thinking before it’s too late.
Stay safe.
Hawne.
I love your poetry, makes me think 
You must be some sort of super-human Hawne;-)
What you went through - and came out the other end - was so tough, but you’re still HERE! That’s the main thing isn’t it? You and your wife take care, best wishes, Bert
Hello Hawne, thank you for sharing your story, so positive & full of determination.
My husband also suffered his stroke & cardiac arrest at the Royal Brompton hospital, whilst they had a camera in his arteries. Also the best place to have a stroke. That was last August. Sadly my husband is still in hospital & bed bound unable to do anything for himself. He can’t talk as he has a trachy tube in. The Dr’s still don’t know how much recovery he will make. I visit him in hospital every day & I have a lot of hope that he will come home. I miss him very much.
I love reading everybody’s experience, as like a lot of people I didn’t know anything about the consequences of a stroke.
Hello Roland, being hospitalised is no joke, even if the care is great.
When the trachi comes out it makes a huge difference, emotionally and physically. There might be some discomfort to start with but it will be worth it. Do everything that the physios, speech and nutrition therapists say, and practise swallowing, forming words, chewing…anything they tell you to do - keep at it but in little bits at a time, don’t tire or it will become a chore and then you resent it.
The other thing that helped me was slowly moving my limbs with controlled breathing, almost like a movie slowed down!
It eventually becomes like a reflex and it happens automatically. My surgeon said I wiggled my feet in my sleep!
Things do really improve but you have to realise that progress is in the bodies time, not your wishes!
Adjustments to the way things were are gone! It’s about the way things are now.I didn’t help me to think about how I used to be and how I could do things; that type of thinking just got in my way. I decided to enjoy learning new ways and pacing myself. Lots of chats with my wife about this really helped us both; it still does. In fact when I was eventually discharged from hospital ( still was re learning to walk ) we renewed our wedding vows and exchanged new rings as a thank you for giving us a new life together in a new way of going on.
And it is great!
Remember: Courage is not the absence of fear but the conquest of it!
It doesn’t have to hurt to get better.
Hi Roland,
I am so glad the forum helps. I guess its really hard to keep coping for you both daily, the recovery stories on hear and how they cope is now really part of recovery for me. There are so many lovely people and practical advice from people in the same boat. I really hope that things get better for you.
Amanda
Hi @prlblue,
You seem to have had an amazing recovery from your stroke.
It’s great to see this. Of course we are all different and recover at different rates etc. but it is really nice when there are examples like this.
So very pleased for you.
Enjoy!
ManjI.
Hi @Hawne ,
This is such a fantastic post. You offer truly inspiarational and realistic advice. Are you by any chance a life coach or something?
Please keep sharing your experiences. I am sure they are very helpful to all 
Thank you.
ManjiB
