This isn't a recent tale, but it is long time since I was here.
So how to meet people, 1. Get a 86kg Dog de Bordeaux, 2. Buy a K9 harness, 3. Attach lead to harness, 4. Take excessively large dog for a walk.
Well, my dog (1 of 2) love's people, especially little people. Because a lot of big people don't particularly trust my slobbery beast, he always wears a muzzle, I don't like it, because it gives the impression that he is aggressive, when really he's just a big teddy bear, that happens to be his name Bear.
Well I thought I'd take him for a walk, it started to rain so although he doesn't mind the rain, I was not impressed, it was cool but sunny when I left the house, and I'd dressed accordingly.
On the way home, one of the local latch key dog' appeared at the corner, well Bear thought play time. Off he went, unfortunately he was still on the lead, if you've ever seen the YouTube clip of the lady with a great Dane, well you can imagine, Bear at full pelt, me holding the lead, yes, man can fly!
Bear eventually realised that I made a pretty good anker, along with a few choice words.
The cuffuffle attracted the attention of the local home owners, who came to my assistance, but not before Bear had taken up sentry duty by sitting on my chest.
Well, a bit of a pickle, Bear in guard mode, and people trying to help.
Eventually a brave soul took the lead off me and Bear reluctantly gave up his guard duty, he was lead away to a yard, so as to keep him safe. The yard had seven foot walls.
All seemed to be calm and an ambulance was called, as my arm appeared to have developed an extra bend above the elbow. Next thing someone shouted "the dogs out!" Bear had cleared the seven foot wall (Hooch would have been proud) and he resumed sentry duty, sitting on my chest again.
The braveheart stepped up, took his lead and suggested taking him home. Good idea, wait, dog number two was home, well braveheart fancied his chances, so Bear went home, and braveheart returned in one piece.
Eventually the ambulance arrived, morphine and entinox later I boarded the ambulance, I had to explain about the stroke and subsequent diagnosis, explaining the dignosis I have, does not mean I'm a head case (well not completely), so off we went to hospital.
The handover from the crew was amusing, and the A&E consultant, when he stopped laughing, sent me for x-rays, yep I'd broken my humurus, and as a Brucey bonus had dislocated my shoulder, requiring surgery.
I negotiate parole to go home and arrange care for the dogs, to return for the surgery the next morning.
I was collected by hospital transport the next morning, I arrived on the ward, booked in, fancy stockings and all in record time, signed the consent, down to theatre.
I awoke two hours later, nice neat scar, and a hunk of metal holding my arm together. I had a steady stream of people visit, no one i knew, they just wanted to see the idiot who got beaten by a 86kg dog.
I was home that night, the dogs returned the next day. And life was almost back to normal.
Why how to meet people? Well due to this chain of events, I met more people over the duration of this in two days, than I have met in four years of living at my current address.
No animals were injured in the making of this post.
Happy Christmas