How quickly they forget

Relationships
#1

I didn’t think i would have to post a topic like this, but here it is…

I’ve been to work for 4 hours and the hubby picked me up as usual, once back home he says “we’ll have a cuppa, then go out “, I said I didn’t really want to go anywhere as I’m tired, his response “you’ve only been there 4 hours “.

Yes, I agree I’d only been at work for a few hours, however taking into account, getting up, showering, pulling myself together, eating breakfast and actually getting to work can be a monumental task in itself, before the 4 hours work! :woman_facepalming:

He says, I’ve been waiting for you to get back so we can do something together as I’ve been here by myself all morning… so I’m left feeling like the bad guy because I’m tired and don’t want to do anything but collapse on the sofa.

Don’t get me wrong he’s very supportive, but in this instance, not so much.

It just goes to show stroke impacts on relationships in many differing ways. It’s such a simple thing spending time together, but fatigue gets in the way on so many levels.

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#2

@Mahoney i fully understand. I think people even our partners/husbands/ wives think if we are acting normal like going back to work they think we can slip back into our normal role. Please don’t push yourself 4 hours working plus the work up to it as you get up and be organised is exhausting as it is. I hope he understands. Remember small steps still and take care of yourself when you know you need a rest. Wishing you luck and sending understanding thoughts and positivity Loraine :hugs:

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#3

Hi @Mahoney , I totally get where you’re coming from. It is so difficult for others to understand how much effort it takes even to do relatively small things. As you say just showering and getting dressed for work (as opposed to just chucking on some slobbers for round the house.

I’m sure he meant well and thought you would enjoy it but might have been nice to ask if you fancied it rather than assuming.

Us as can be a finickety lot! Maybe show him some of the posts about fatigue and how it seems to severely affect most of us.

I did a full day in the office on Wednesday and fortunately had Thursday off which was a godsend as I was wiped out.

Fatigue really seems one of the hardest parts to deal with and also one of the hardest for others to comprehend (Pre stroke I would have been unsympathetic).

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#4

In total sympathy with you. Know how you feel. 2 years post stroke and my husband, says, well it was 2 years ago, you should be fine now!!!
Keep your chin up.
Jane.

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#5

Stroke is understood very little generally. You get the impression from partners and others that ‘you could try harder’ when you already know your own limits. I think this is because most illnesses and body malfunctions can be cured. Stroke is a brain injury and affects us all in different ways. Fortunately, I am retired and our time is our own. However, my midday nap is essential, so I have to time other activities accordingly.

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#6

Hi @Mahoney - I agree with everything that has already been said. My partner was (and remains) very supportive but he doesn’t always understand how I feel. Even someone who has seen what you’ve been through (and worried about you) can occasionally overlook the long lasting impact of a stroke.
I suppose it’s the same for any health condition; I confess I don’t have an in-depth understanding of the health condition which led to him being classified as clinically extremely vulnerable in Covid terms. Really, only other stroke survivors can fully appreciate what we go through.

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#7

Thanks everyone for your support, I know he (hubby) wasn’t deliberately trying to be insensitive.

I’ll put it down to a momentary slip on his behalf :joy::joy: I suppose it’s difficult to put yourself in someone else’s shoes all the time, he’s human after all and we all make mistakes, he just wanted to have a nice afternoon out with me, the timing was just off.

Tomorrow’s another day.

Best wishes to you all :wink: take care

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#8

Mahoney–I totally understand. People look at you and only see the outside. Not having experienced a stroke, they have no concept of how exhausted one can feel “on the inside”. I have to repeatedly explain and reinforce the idea to my family, "I may look fine on the outside, but my brain is working so hard to enable me to do what I do, that I tire very easily and can’t do as much as I used to. Before the stroke I could “carry on” even though tired, but now I just have to stop and rest when I’m tired. :slightly_smiling_face:Jeanne

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#9

Hi everyone. I do so agree with all that has been said. I also have to cope with the problems of old age now at eighty three! Lilian

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#10

Hi Lilian, I once read that we should refer to age as levels, at level 83 you’d be classed as an expert and experienced, age is just a number :wink:
Take care, big hugs :hugs:

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#11

@l_platt hi Lilian age is just a number. You have a wealth and history of experience. Keep improving and great to talk to you. Best wishes Loraine :blush:

#12

Hi Mahoney. What a lovely thought. I am certainly experienced but definitely not expert! How are you getting on? I read all of your posts. I am making progress after my second stroke. I can walk around thirty yards with my rollator now, more each day. I am being given the help and support I did not have before because of covid, a fact missed in results of the pandemic. Thank you for the hugs. Lilian

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#13

Dear Loraine. Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your encouragement.Lilian

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#14

@l_platt ahhhh Lillian your an inspiration to us all. Keep going sending positivity and love :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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#15

Hi Lilian, I’m doing well, apart from fatigue, which we all know can strike at any time of day.

That’s fantastic news, I’m so pleased you’re making progress, walking further each day and getting help and support, it will speed up your rehabilitation :+1::grinning::grinning:

I love a hug :hugs: and giving them. Best wishes

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#16

Lillian-- You’re not 83. You’re 18 with 65 years of experience. :wink: Jeanne

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#17

Hi Jeanne . Thank you for your comment. It made my husband and me smile. Lilian

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#18

Hi Mahoney,
How are you doing. Just wanted to check in and see if you shared with hubbie how your feeling.
My hubbie went through some awful stages when I came home from hospital. So odd for him as he is so placid - angry. Then he got totally dominant for decisions and plans. Then plain depression. I did not realise how much this had frightened him. He was forgetting to do things and just going round in circles. I chatted to my lovely speech therapist and he went through it with me and explained it can be really tough, especially if you are in hospital and cant be seen by your partner. I started to talk about about how he was feeling and kept talking and he did start to get that he had an awful shock, stop being hard on himself and relax, were here and we will cope. He is nearly back to his old self. So if hubbie is dominating or guilt tripping, talk to him. The poor old partners have to cope in the beginning so much, then we take some responsibly and ownership of what we need, it must be emotionally hard. Let me know how you go.
Amanda

#19

Hi Amanda @Amandaso, thanks for checking in on me, I really do appreciate that.

Hubby is fine, we have talked about it and whilst he does occasionally forget the impact the stroke has on my capabilities and endurance, he is very supportive. It was out of character for him but he simply wanted to spend time with me out of the house.

I agree, it is so emotionally difficult for partners, the initial shock followed by coming to terms with being married to a ‘different’ person, it’s a lot to adjust to.

Best wishes

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#20

Hi Mahoney,
I am glad you talked, He sounds so like my other half, the softest and most caring with only occasional bouts of being a man :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
Amanda