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hello. I am new here. My husband had a basal ganglion stroke non haemorrhagic some six weeks ago.  We were taken to our local hospital where a stroke nurse was waiting and she carried out the tests and got him a ct scan somall well and good. It was early in the morning by then so at 2am they put him in a ward to await an MRI.  This ward was supposedly short stay and was at best chaotic and at worst a nightmare.  My husband dialysis three times a week and it took six days to get the MRI through sheer incompetence.  He was laying in bed for that time and now is very weak.  We went to a local rehab centre which promised the earth and delivered noting.  We were only there for five days when he contracted pneumonia.  We are now at a point where I would like him home but he cannot as yet stand and transfer.  I have lots of equipment here which I have put in the living room as I need to have everything at hand. He is 87 this week and therefore I feel that he should be home as although he is now in a good hospital I feel that he is deteriorating and losing interest    The reason for this post is that I am absolutely terrified that I will not be able to look after him   I can do all of the TLC and I want desperately to do that but it is the moving and handling which frightens me   Is this a normal reaction?  Advice please 

 

 

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Dear Florence

So sorry to hear of your husbands stroke. And the hopeless treatment that followed.

Yes of course you are frightened by the prospect of becoming a carer under circumstances that you might not manage.

You say he is now in a decent hospital. The last thing to do is have him home before he is ready to come home. Most of us have quite a dip in our wellbeing when we first get home, so dont rush things. When he can transfer unaided, and get to the toilet unaided then  is the time to consider if it is best for him to come home.

My release from hospital was early, but I could transfer etc and even make myself a cup of tea. (btw it was part of the hospital physio to get me to make a simple breakfast)My bungalow is pretty ideal, with the toilet immediately next to our bedroom. And I was improving day by day. So wife agreed and we then got home visits 5 days a week for six weeks. Those home visits by nurses, doctors, physios and counsellors were brilliant.

Once you agree to have him home you are commited, you cant send him back if things dont work out.

Please note that it is only your husband who can get himself better, help is useful but its up to us, the stroke survivors, to effect recoery.

If he has pneumonia on top of this then I dont know how he will cope.

My wife can not move me at all and I am pretty small at eleven stone. I need to move myself. Sure it is great if she will put my socks on, but thats at my request. Its up to me to motivate myself.

I do hope he gets over the pneumonia and then starts to motivate his own recovery. I learnt to walk again and now I get up step ladders, drive my car and dig the garden. Its horribly slow but I can do those things. And my marriage remains sound.

Florence, I do wish you all the best and am sure you and hubby will make the right choices. Never loose sight that he needs your help, so its no good exhausting yourself. You need to be strong in all senses of the word.

Colin

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hello Florence I’m sorry to hear about your husband 

all the fears you feel about caring for your husband are natural, I look after my partner now and as he still cannot transfer unaided so I do it all

please accept all the help you get offered and do not try and take too much on yourself.

i know I thought I could do it all but have realised I can’t and I’m finding it hard

look after yourself first then just be there for your husband in a way with out hurting yourself x