Help and info would be soo great

[Jo.cook1983]

My mother has had two strokes, first in 2015 and the second this year 2018, unlike the first stroke which she was able to recover really well from this recent stroke affected her speech greatly, also cognition issues. I found since this stroke as it was the damaging has made her a shell of her former self, she struggles to believe she will ever speak again. I feel she has made progress, she has had a certain amount of help from speech therapists, I keep telling her she has and that she needs to believe in herself but she has gone into a depression which I am struggling to bring her out of, I find she is easily reduced to tears and one morning she stood in the bathroom in tears and when I finally got it out of her what has upset her she heartbreakingly said "I can't speak! I can't speak!". My dad has also sunk into a depression, he wants he's wife back but he feels he's lost her, they are due to be celerating 50 years the end of this month but he doesn't feel happy about it he just feels unhappy and frustrated, it's really sad to see him like this.

I would just love to receive any support, help, advice, info, anything would be greatly appreciated. I am a mum to a 2 year old carer to both parents it ain't easy dividing my time but I don't want my mum feeling left out like I can't do anything for her, I really want to help my mum get back to herself again. I love her to bits and am desperately sad to see her in such a state of sadness and loss.

 

Thank you  

[Colin]

Dear Jo

So sorry to learn of your Mums stroke. Things must be very hard for you.

Every stroke is different and that includes Mums first stroke differing from her second one. 

My speech was dificult for a few months. There were two issues. Firstlly, my brain could not process the information. It was agony for me to take in words, work out a reply, putt hat in to order then try to speak the words. It is a huge effort. Secondly I had facial muscles that werent working freely, so it was slow and hard to form the words.

Things improved and I could speak a bit after six months. Not the conversations aI had pre stroke, but at lleast I could communicate. Things have just got better and better. I am now 39 months and still the improvements are coming, and noticeable. I can now sing (not a pretty sound, but thats not the stroke!) and its so nice to be able to sing a few songs.

It is wonderful to have your support. However, you cant mend your Mum, she has to do that herself. This is a fundamental of stroke recovery, we have to want recovery and we have to do it ourselves. No way can anyone else do it.

Stroke does often bring waves of depression. As I had clinical depression decades ago, I could recognize the depression waves and I fought them off. Day after day after day. No way was I going through that again. The best weapon is a smile. False, forced, fake or real, any smile works wonders. 

Before stroke I never cried. Well that changed and tears kept flowing. After two years it eased and now I am OK except I cant face a funeral. The tears are my brain reacting and there is nothing I could do to stop it. This is not unusual.

Mum would benefit if she could get to a stroke group. Only another SS really understands. When I found my local group it was like being wrapped in a warm blanket.

Finally, Mum Dad and child all need you. So you need to look after yourself. You cant do it all alone. Maybe the local stroke group will have times for carers. 

Do say hello to Mum from me. Things will improve. You are not alone, lots of us are here for you.

 

Colin

[Jo.cook1983]

Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean a lot, its reassuring and great to hear how much you have improved and that my mum could improve too. I will look for a local group and I will have her read your message so she can see for herself that she can get better and there is so much great support