My partner had a stroke on Sunday and I found him in his cottage on the floor naked, vomit on the side of his face and freezing cold. I'm haunted by knowing that he was like that for hours, alone not knowing when anyone would help him, if they would be in time. He can't speak to share his feelings. Its tearing me apart to know he suffered alone for so long before I found him.
Hi Seraphina. I'm so sorry to hear about this. It must have been such a scary experience. I hope that our community will be able to give you advice and share their experiences. Stroke affects people in different ways, but there are people here who can help.
If you'd like to talk to someone about your experience over the phone, please do call the Stroke Helpline. It is open Monday, Thursday and Friday 9.00am to 5.00pm, Tuesday and Wednesday 8.00am to 6.00pm and Saturday 10.00am to 1.00pm. The Helpline number is 0303 30 33 100. They can also offer you support and guidance.
Andrew
Thank you so much Andrew.
Seraphina
Hi Seraphina - I've only just seen your post. I'm so sorry for your situation, I can't imagine the torment you must both be suffering. BUT, you did find him, and now he's safe, and you will be there for him. Even if he can't communicate right now, he will value your presence and reassurance.
Please let us know how you get on - people on this site will know what you are going through and will be able to offer advice. Sending you good wishes xxx
Thank you so much. I have since found out that he can remember when he had his stroke and it was nearly 24hours before I found him. He is communicating now it is still hard work for us both but he is coming on really well considering. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post.
Hi Seraphina - thank you for the update. Please make sure you allow him plenty of rest, it's vital that his brain has time to re-wire itself, it can't do that if attention is taken away. It's a balancing act, finding the time to rest, but desperately wanting to do as much as possible when you're having a good day. Just encourage patience! If you read some of the amazing stories on this site you will gain confidence, and belief that things will improve, people have come back from very bad places and made good recoveries, stay positive. If you have time, I found it helpful to keep a short daily log of events (or sometimes non-events), which I've frequently looked back at, and it's then that you notice progression. When you're just plodding on day-to-day it can feel like being on a tread-mill, but then suddenly you realise that something different has occurred and another step on the journey has been achieved. My husband often complained that he wasn't making any progress, but of course we can't see inside the brain to judge how hard it is try to put things right - progress isn't always immediately visible, but it is happening. Google "Letter from your brain" - it's very emotional, but gives a wonderful insight into what is happening inside the brain. Best wishes xx
Hi thank you I will take a look at “letter from your brain”. I have always told Karl that it isn’t all his responsibility to learn how to communicate better, it’s also my responsibilty to learn how to listen to him better too. He is coming on really well considering how far he has had to come from. I tell him every day that he has come so far. I understand that for him he hasn’t as he is comparing to himself prior to the stroke but he can accept it some extend and feel encouraged.
He is very instinctual about when to push himself and when to rest, for which I am very grateful as he spent a long time pushing himself too hard before. He is naturally pacing himself more. Hopefully he will be home next week. xx
"Letter from your brain" is excellent. I use it to explain to people how I feel. It inspired my to start my own blog, which I use to record some memories from my past as well as writing about the events I currently experience. I have found this quite therapeutic.
I'm ever so fortunate on two counts: firstly I had a TIA rather than a full stroke, and secondly I had my mini-stroke while my wife was at home, and she was able to phone 999. The lucky bit is that she had decided only minutes earlier not to go and visit her sister, otherwise I would have been alone, and God knows what could have happened.
Counting my blessings.
Hi Seraphina - thank you for your positive post. You're absolutely correct that we have to learn about the features of our partners' new personality, and how to engage with them as fully as possible. My husband has a few 'tells' (which he doesn't know about), and I use these to alert myself to when he is struggling, often before he knows it himself. I think we become body language aware, and notice the small details that tell us when to back off, when to encourage and when to have fun. Keeping a daily really helped because my husband never believed he was making progress until he saw it in black & white! Make sure you get enough rest - both of you - life is always better when SS are well rested. Look forward to hearing about Karl's continued progress ? xx