Getting older and still not recovered.
What do people do to face the inevitable aging process but with all the trappings of a stroke,
Caring for your partner carer as he or she ages and you become old and a stroke survivor.
I fear not being recovered enough to take up the job of caring for my wife in her old age as she has during my stroke recovery
It is filling me with dreadful anxiety.
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@mrfrederickson it is indeed a quandary, care for older people in general appears to be shrinking in its availability, without adding the SS element.
Whilst I don’t have an answer, a couple of suggestions: perhaps moving to sheltered accommodation could be considered, whilst they don’t offer care per se, accommodations have ‘call pulls’ in all rooms so if assistance is required someone/warden will come to check and call for external assistance if needed. They usually check in on residents at least once per day.
A care package from local authority can be arranged if you/your wife fit the criteria and a carer will call a few times per day to help get one out of bed/back to bed, washed etc.
As a last resort, if either of you really can’t manage, there’s the residential care homes.
Though you may just mean chipping in with simple everyday help such as assistance with cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. my aged mum was my dad’s only caregiver/carer and whilst we (their children) couldn’t assist with everything, everyday as we went to work, we all took on different responsibilities to lend a hand, taxi service for mum who didn’t drive, food shopping, cleaning etc), hopefully you have family that can lend a hand too.
Try not to stress about what hasn’t happened yet as anxiety can become debilitating.
Wishing you all the best
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Wise words and appreciated,
My wife tells me not to worry yet as by all that we know I should be considerably better before she reaches her frailty of old age another 21 years so I should be able to support her in her old age and me, will leverage family in good time so just the period up to my independence that is worrying me
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Hi, I definitely get where you are coming from on this one. I am dependent on my husband and will not be able to live independently. I feel so sad that I wouldn’t be able to look after him if he needed help in later life. I pray that I go first, as I would hate to become a burden to our kids.
As much as I would hate to go into a residential home, I would rather that than be a burden on everyone around me. Certainly something to think about and have a plan in place. Just thinking about it, feels me with dreadful anxiety.
Wishing you well. Regards Sue
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MrFredrickson. I should not stress about what may never be. I am eighty four years old. My husband and I enjoy our lives with no regrets. We make the most of our days. We have just enjoyed the company of four of our great grandchildren for morning coffee in a local cafe. There is still life even in old age for a stroke survivor…
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@mrfrederickson i would try not to worry about what may / may not happen that far into the future. None of us know what we will need in our old age but there are many options available to help should it be needed.
Live in the present and enjoy life as much as you can.
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Yes I am a worrier by nature hence the stroke, we both worry about each other, currently looking after her aging parents which is why I have been overly thinking about when it’s our term, hopefully our kids wil do fo us as we are doing from them
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I now understand why after 7 years in a care home my mother decided to starving herself to death in her home just wanted to be with my dad very sad and in the middle of Covid
Too
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Wise words I wish I had embraced the m earlier, we don’t know what we don’t know
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You’re not that old yet and there’s still a lot of life out there to be living. Bury those thoughts along with your anxiety, make like an ostrich. In other words don’t be taking on the weight of the unknown. You can only live the now, for today, tomorrow, next week.
But you can make a few practical plans for the future…aside from @Mahoney 's suggestions.
If you haven’t already, practical things you could can do in preparation for old age/incapacity/death.
Make sure you wills are in order
Written instructions of accounts
Written list of what bills need paying and when
Written list of all online accounts such as this Stroke one with access to them
Keep all these lists in an envelope somewhere safe where everyone who needs to know will no to find it. And be sure to review and update it periodically
Keep all important documents/medical notes/etc together and in order, kept up to date and in one place for ease of access.
Then get out and try to start living. With any luck these sort of little task may give you some peace of mind to satisfy that anxiety when it needs feeding 
And just as we SS’s are all retraining our brains to do the things we used to take for granted, why not try training your brain out of anxiety; is that possible 
For many years before the Smitting had to think how old am I🤔? Now don’t give it a thought or about future. Strange world I’m in. A wise Sage was asked Why are you so content ? He replied I don’t care about tomorrow, but wisely added
But I keep an eye on my bank account. If only we could all reach that state of contentment
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I feel exactly the same way since my stroke. I sometimes wonder if that’s an emotion that’s somehow been disconnected in my by the stroke. I live for the here and now. And as I’m already in brain retraining mode it gets easier and easier sweep those moments of maudlin back into the drawers of my mind out of site. I only deal with the things I can actually do something about.
All those preparations I listed above, my hubby and I did a few years before my stroke because Alzheimers run in both families so we don’t want to a mess for our children to scrat around with and hunt down.
A good way of being I need to follow your example I’m too much of a worrier sadly, my blood pressure is going up even with medication, the primary cause of my stroke, don’t want another
Blood pressure is a funny old thing, it does the opposite of what I would assume it to do. In that, activity lowers it and inactivity raises it, I just find that weird. But then I’ve never actually looked at the in’s and out’s of it, so to speak 
I don’t know how active you are in your current recovery, but maybe you could increase that it lower the bp. The blood pressure will also be increasing your stress and anxiety, which will further increase the bp and so on. It’s a vicious which had to be broken and you are the only one who can do that.
When I had my first born and struggled to feed him myself, the midwife asked me if I was on a deserted island with this baby and no access to formula milk, what would I do then? Needless to say I made a more concerted effort to feed my baby and he lived to save my life when I was having my stroke!
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My mobility is not brilliant but I can walk badly with a stick doesn’t count as big exercise but I do get on my exercise bike every once in a while but no big impact on nblood pressure, was very fit before the stroke but now rendered a hemipleagic
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Some very good suggestions there. Something I have started but need to crack on & finish 
xx
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Easier said than done, trying harder with every day.
Good luck everyone, we are strong people.
I am caring for my husband who had a serious stroke last year and needs help with just about everything. However, we are making decisions together about making our home work for his changed needs and I know that by making some of these changes, in years to come (maybe not that far off), I too will benefit from some of these changes and they will already be in place thanks to all he is going through. Also, I know that the knowledge I am gathering may make it easier to manage my own difficulties in the future. Share your worries with your wife. She will surely be touched that you are thinking about her future when you have been through so much. Don’t let worries about the future spoil your precious time together now.
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Good summary I have always had her back since the first time we met and will till I depart this life, the stroke has prematurely aged me and showed us that ultimately our current location is not old people friendly, to many slopes and hills, so when her parents have departed and my son has launched we will seek a less aggressive location near a village with good public transportation and access to healthcare, our last house, must have a good garden
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The impact of a stroke on one’s overall life expectancy is never good it shaves a few years off of the full life without the stroke and national average s having not changed one bit means I should reach 80 and my wife 83, which I can live with. But once in the nest recovered point I can be I’m going to live a lot more of life before the end happens, travel dine out see plays, films enjoying family gatherings and celebrate my success in surviving my stroke
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