6 months after my haemorrhage stroke I am feeling that there is no point!! Am trying to learn to walk again with a brilliant physio! Have to look down all the time to check my foot placement or I go a bit dizzy and anxious! Hence no have constant neck ache!! Progress is so slow feel
lik giving up!! Really low tonight taken to
mu bed to wallow!plus bought a mirror box for my hand and it's doing nothing!! Feeling sorry for myself to my bed to wallow
Jane, please don't give up. Today, my mind went back five years to the months after my haemorrhage stroke. I could do very little, was always tired and wondered if my life was worth living. I am now much improved, but now always look down when I walk and have to be careful when walking. Balance not perfect, but it helps to have a stick.
Dark moments will pass. Light will return.
I know these low times well, I am nine months on and seem to be making slower progress than most people I know who have had the same stroke (cerebellar) but all in good time. Every day aim for a small achievement, five months ago I had to count to three to put on my socks and trousers. I don't need to do that now. However, bed and wallow is no bad thing for some of us, others would disagree and say get out there and do stuff, they are right but easier said than done for some. I wallowed all day in bed today, got up at 3:30 pm and made myself some dinner, had a few glasses of wine, watched some telly for about three hours and then read some of my book. I was having a poorly day, but I accepted that and knew I had to do it rather then pressure myself any other way. My vision was bankrupt, I had nausea as soon as I got up, I felt weak all afternoon, I had to force myself to eat. I got up at 10: 30 am, I was awake for an hour and then slept for two hours after that. Recovery is not a competition, I told myself, I am the tortoise to the other hares. We will get there, albeit, a bit longer but mayhap wiser for it. My symptoms are not resolving as I would like but I notice little 2% increments that can only mean I will get there, and so will you. I have noticed that for some of us, anxiety is our biggest obstacle. I have taken to medication because I personally feel I need it, but still feel frustrated. We must be brave rather than strong, and we don't necessarily need to be patient but we must persevere, and also wallow when we need to. I was never able to just dust myself down and put my chin up, too much a neurotic for that, maybe as an author that's my default, I overthink too much. I have "felt" like giving up, or rather, I have thought about feeling that way. It's natural, but it is a knee jerk reaction to frustration. We will reach a state of homeostasis, by hook or by crook.
Six months after stroke is not a long time. But I know it seems like forever. I was still feeling quite yucky at that point. Just keep working at it. The brain takes time to rewire itself and relearn all these things.Think of how long it takes a baby to learn to see things correctly, to crawl, walk, lift spoon to mouth or talk. Be patient with your brain. I walked with a walker for weeks, then with a cane for months. Then I left the cane behind and began counting steps. 50, then 60 a few days and so on. As I got stronger, I would plateau at times and take weeks at a certain # of steps. Now, 2 3/4 years post-stroke I walk 1 1/4 miles a day--believe it or not! Everyone's recovery is different, but the same in one respect>it's real hard work and it usually takes some time. Have you tried electrical stimulation for your hand?It's like a tens unit. They used it on my hand in the hospital. Are you getting occupational therapy for your hand and arm? Never give up! I have a mantra. I repeat to myself several times a day : "Every day in every way I'm getting better and better!" Remember, you are not alone. I'll remember you in my prayers tonight. Love, Jeanne
If it is any consolation, we all get those times of frustration when nothing goes right. I havn't found any solution to the problem I can offer because I hate losing and I find that after a while the anger in me makes me return to the situation and have another go.
Thank you. I am going to have fes soon I think!! I was very practical so having use of only one hand is driving me nuts!! Want to be able to walk too !iis that greedy?
Thank you! I keep going for my husband sndsons who are annoyingly positive!' Yesterday was a hard day something trivial triggered my low mood! So felt sorry for my self all day! I hate not driving and loss of independence!' X
CEREBELLAR CLUB !
Hi Rups , similar days to mine then ! I totally agree MUST rest in bed , when needed. Could not manage pm ,without sleep . Do you poss over think, more after stroke. I find I now will almost get tunnel vision on & worry pointlessly about something. 2% improvements pleased for you . Good talking David.
Hello David, yes, for me, it's either I wander around feeling dreadful or I rest in bed and feel less dreadful. It's just a practical decision at this stage. I have always been an overthinker but now overthink about pointless things rather than beneficial problems. At the moment, I must embrace being an evening person rather than a lark. I feel cruddy in the morning and it takes a great deal of effort to calibrate myself to get going each day.
Hi Jane- No it's not greedy! We all feel that way. It's that strong desire and drive that keeps us on the road to recovery. I totally understand how having the use of one hand is driving you nuts. Here I am--finally having my left hand back-even playing ukelele , and guess what? Sunday,I got my foot tangled in bird netting, fell and broke my left wrist. I'm back to one hand for 6 weeks We just have to "hang in there" in life. Hope you have a good day today. Love, Jeanne
what a blow. A fall and a break. So many of us have a fall.
even now, five years post stroke, i always assume i might stumble and have something to hold on to. Often a garden fork stuck in the soil. Or a walking stick, simply held ready.
i hope your six weeks pass quietly. You might find it refreshing to have a medical issue that will recover promptly.
best wishes for a speedy recovery
Speedy recovery I hope for you trips and falls are par for the course I fear ? Take care and thanks again for moral support x
Could you play ukulele before?!!!!
Before my stroke i played piano. then paralyzed on my left side for a while. slowly improved enough to learn ukelele. i was getting pretty good until I tripped. I'll just start again.
Colin-you know you-re right! It is refreshing to have an issue with a fixed ending time. And I've been focusing so much on my wrist I haven't thought much about my stroke stuff-haven't even noticed my foggy-headedness. Go figure. Thanks for the kind words.
I could never. Plplay anything! I want my hand to come back so I can do my hobbies!!
What hobbies do you like?
You never know, some stroke survivors acquire new abilities. Creative writing and poetry seem the two most likely. I would love to become competent with a musical instrument.
having recovered most of my movements in the first year, i am now year six and have just got left sided movement back to a decent level. I just plod along with daily exercise and i never even noticed that i could reach the floor with my left hand.
Thanks Colin. Just the boost i needed this morning! X