First full day of caring for mum

[relaxcupcake]

Short version of my situation: Mum suffered a stroke late summer in England, I am the only child, dad has passed away some years ago, and I live in the USA. I am now living with mum as she was discharged from her rehab facility yesterday into my care. I am told there needs to be a 6 week care package put into place to assess her needs and for us to make a decision on her living arrangements longterm. But, as I’m sure you folks here are aware, there is a carer shortage… so now we are in a limbo of me caring for mum, 3000 miles away from my life in NY while we wait.

I am happy to do it, of course. But I am so frazzled and it’s only been about 24hrs since she came home!!! I’m still trying to remember who all the names are that I have been given, and what each person does. This is so far away from anything I have known before. It’s brain overload!

Just wanted to blurt really. Thank you if you read this

[John_Jeff_Maynard]

Thank you for writing. This is obviously a very difficult situation for you. Our site is here for anyone to write on. Letting off steam will help ease your stress. Hope she gets her care package soon.

[Mahoney]

Hi @relaxcupcake, welcome to the community, so sorry to hear your mum’s had a stroke and the situation you find yourself in.

Carers are indeed in short supply however hopefully some sort of care was agreed before your mum was discharged, even if it’s carers coming in a couple of times per day to get your mum, washed, dressed and sat in a chair (if she’s able) then back to bed in the evening to save you doing everything yourself.

You don’t mention your mum’s capabilities, hopefully she is making progress with her rehabilitation.

Don’t forget to take time out for yourself, as you’ll need it, caring for someone full time is a labour of love, but it’s all to easy to wear yourself out too.

We’re here if you need to chat, take care and best wishes to your mum.

[Colin]

Welcome to our community.
By all means vent some steam. This is a good place to vent because we actually understand what you and mum are trying to deal with.

Well in my six years as an SS (stroke survivor) your situation is unique. Many carers crumble under the pressure, but maybe you will cope better because you are not on site.

I do have a lovely friend in Paris who cared very well for her brother in Malta. So anything is doable.

Best wishes
Colin

[relaxcupcake]

Thank you for replying

Well I am on site with her in my childhood home (her house where she lived pre stroke). We will stay here together until local stroke services can assess her, and we’ll go from there. I think the ideal situation is that I stay to get her settled back at home and to support her in her ongoing rehab, then at some point in the future we get some support from carers for her, enabling me to return to my life in the USAand her to continue to live fairly independently. but we shall see! I am trying not to think too far ahead. Never has “one day at a time” been more of an accurate saying than now in my life!

Thank you for the welcome from other commenters also! Mum is settling in well and is mobile (stroke impact was speech and cognitive ability, never mobility apart from some shakiness in her right arm) so a lot of what I am doing here is making sure her pottering around her house is safe, and re-introducing her to operating some of her appliances. Day two and I had a better night’s sleep last night at least, I’m tired but not as frazzled as yesterday.

Thanks again for the welcome, folks. I appreciate having a place to speak to people who understand. xxx

[Joanne99]

Hi @relaxcupcake - hope you are getting on ok and you have been able to have your Mum assessed for her care needs by now? My Mum had a stroke (caused by a bleed) on 30th October and is still in hospital so have some idea of how your world may have been turned upside down (although I only live an hour away from her, not in the US!)

Good that your Mum is at least mobile, although I’m sure it is still challenging and very tiring. I’ve honestly never known exhaustion like I’ve felt the last couple of months, trying to keep on top of my parents’ needs, my own family and young child, work and everything else. They have stopped visits into hospital again now, which is very hard, but at least she is well enough that we can talk on the phone every day.

I haven’t had experience of the discharge side of it all yet (have that stress ahead of me!) but lots of people on here have been through it all already and I’m sure will be able to help, especially as you may not know how the system works particularly).

Hope you’re ok anyway. x

[relaxcupcake]

Thank you so much, @Joanne99 I appreciate you commenting! (also my name is Joanne, too, so hi name twin, haha ).

We are still waiting for a care assessment. Our social worker is due to visit (along with our SLT) at the end of this week to work on a Power of Attorney assessment with mum, so I plan to speak to her then about any update on the carer side of things. It’s been a blessing and a curse that mum came home right on top of Christmas. A lot of days where there’s no point me calling anywhere chasing anything up. But also nice to have the downtime with her to get settled as well.

Mum and I have found a routine of sorts now, but she is still occasionally very sad about not being able to drive, what will happen to her dog, and the future in general. I know what you mean about no tiredness like it - and I’m not juggling as much you are, bless you! Just the worry and being ‘on’ with mum all the time is a lot mentally.

Anyway thank you so much for commenting. It really does help hearing from ppl in similar situations. I’m so sorry to hear your mum is still in hospital and visits have stopped on top of it. I’m pleased you can talk on the phone though. that’s a comfort xxx