Feeling down & Tearful

Hi not been on here for a while. Have had a few weeks feeling really tearful and so down, just cry over nearly everything, I had my stroke 16 months ago and would like to know if this is a common thing. I have gone through why me, I have made a tremendous recovery and I do know how lucky I am and I am back to work but the tears, felling down,feeling lonely, and frightened of having another  stroke. People I meet say oh you look so well but inside I am breaking and put on a front cause inside I just want to break down. I will not give into it and going to work helps and I work in a a great team. When I'm happy its good but I dont like feeling down. Would love to hear from anyone who is experiencing this too. Thank you Jenny

Hi Jenny, So sorry you feel this way. My stroke was nearly 4 years ago, but I have never been tearful. I used to fear a second stroke a lot, but less so now. However, I only have to feel a twinge in the head and I do get concerned again. The worst thing is people constantly telling that you look well or are doing well, because some days I'm not. Every day is still hard and I am partly disabled. Only a fellow survivor can empathise with the lonely place we all find ourselves at some point or another. I hope you cheer up soon.

Hi Jenny, I think the feelings you are having are part and parcel of the stroke. I had a lacuna infarct in Feb 2018 and was left with mostly short term memory loss but the tears seem to come for no reason. I couldn't watch anything on tv that was even remotely sad because sometimes it would set me off crying other times I'd be ok, it was very strange. Feeling down and lonely are also the effects of the stroke, I have found it particularly hard when I meet people I know for the first time since the stroke, I always get really tearful which is v embarrassing but after the first time I'm much better - its very strange.So know that you are not alone I think the emotionality is hard to deal with but I've found it happens less and less these days but when it happens it's quite unexpected and this makes it hard to deal with.

I go to two stroke groups which has helped me a lot, it might help you if you are able to fit it in with your work. Everyone there will totally understand how you are feeling and will support you. There'll be no need to explain.
 

There will be others on this site who also feel the same as we do. We're not alone and it will get better but as you have probably realised every improvement seems to take a long time. I know my memory is much better than it was a year ago but sometimes it trips me up and I can be a bit confused, but at least now I can think things through easier, a year ago I couldn't do that.

Hope this helps a little.

Ann

Hello, Jenny

What you experiencing is common after a Stroke - your brain is out of balance from the Stroke itself and you're still moving forwards from the shock of having experienced one. The first one to two years are the hardest emotionally and things can and will get better, slowly and surely.

Three things that can really help are:

1.Antidepressant medication - I had never used these in my pre-stroke life and they do make a significant difference to how your mind works and thinks. As the years progressed, I was able to reduce my dosage to one eighth of my starting dose;

2. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), available on the NHS via your GP. This encourages you to confront and challenge how you are thinking. Being able to rein in your mood and thinking makes you feel in control and able to enjoy life better. The NHS have great free online resources to provide this if you would like to get started sooner:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/

3. Regular exercise - I joined a gym and now work out at home or walk regularly. If I had to pick just one recommendation to you, this would be it. I completed a half-marathon just over a month ago and felt both exhausted and on top of the world after it.

Again, as I mention above, the first one to two years are emotionally the hardest and these feelings you are experiencing will fade away.

Take care now, and keep us posted on how things are going for you,

 

Damian (Eurocracy67)

 

 

 

The tears might be termed "emotionality" which is a very common after stroke experience. Being a male of a certain generation I dont cry, well I do now !

At first it was frequent tears. But it eased over the years. Now I just chicken out of funerals but most things are OK. I found that the second year let things such as this ease quite a bit.

Depression will also attack you. As I suffered clinical depression many years ago, I knew what was happening and I can fight it off. If you cant fight it off then you might need drugs and counselling. 

I think the loneliness is a fact of life after stroke. You become a "new Jenny" and dont quite fit in like you did pre stroke. If you get some counselling they will help you with this. Must be a stroke trained counsellor.

"You look so well" Boy if we all got a fiver for every time we are told this then all us SS would be very rich.

Phrases such as "you cant see inside my brain" can help a bit. Overall, only another SS understands.

I am 4 years and things have improved. And they are continuing to improve. I have a new and different life. I think the company of other SS is a very good thing. SO do persevere with local stroke groups etc.

In a nutshell, "this is indeed a common thing" amongst us SS.

Smile a lot.

Be positive.

You are not alone, lots of us are out here for you.

Colin

 

 

Without doubt you can blame the tearfullness on the mixed up emotions left by your stroke. I'm in my fifth year of recovery and in the first year I freqently just lost control of my feelings for little or no reason. This has reduced tremendously but I still have to take care not to get in a situation where it could occur again.

I have a retort for those good intentioned well wishers who say I am looking well......I just say "You should go to Specsavers".

Deigh

Ah thank you for your reply, I love the comment you should have gone to specsavers, made me laugh.  Merry Christmas. 

Thank you very encouraging words , I will look into the counselling.  Merry chritsmas.

Thank you for your reply,  I am planning on joining  a gym in the new year. It is nice to know what I'm feeling is a common thing. Merry christmas.

Thank you Ann, it is good to know it is quite normal, I was a tearful person before my stroke but it has got worse since my stroke.  Any way have a fab Christmas. 

Hi John thank you for your reply,  it has made me feel a little  better that it is a common thing. Some days I dont think of the stroke and then another  day I worry. Anyway you take care and Merry Christmas to you.

Hi Jenny.  When you decide you would like to join up after Xmas, it's best to look at a few options before signing their contract.  I joined a gym which has physios on site and they specialise in rehabilitation for stroke people, disabled people and people who have spinal problems due to accidents etc.  They are suprisingly common - I was recommended my gym by Nuffield Health as their physios couldn't help me much. I had never heard of rehab gyms before but it was the best decision I ever made.  It is open to anyone and they understand the problems we have and give you a programme accordingly.

 Most gyms are happy to show you round - I would avoid the ones with ear piercing music as it can be disorientating for us!  Loudness is not a stroke victims best friend!  Look at the age of the instructors and you will get a feel as to whether you will 'gel' with them.  At my previous gym pre-stroke, no one was over 25 and they didn't know what a stroke was when I wanted to cancel.  Most gyms will also offer you a free day pass to see if you like it.  Don't feel pressured into signing a contract.  They are an absolute pain to get out of if something goes wrong eg. redundancy, illness etc.  Contract free ones are usually slightly more expensive but worth the extra for peace of mind.  Hope you have a lovely Christmas and Happy New Year! x

Excellent....I am also a user of an American forum, when I put the similiar message on there it was met with blank resposnse since the firm was not represented over there.....I had to put the internet address on so readers could see a conglomeration of the ads!

Deigh

Thank you for the good advice most helpful. Yes totally agree with what you say about loud music.. Happy Christmas  and happy new year to to you.

We are all in the same boat, but life can be still enjoyable. Recently, I have realised how I can now do so much more than I used to. A Merry Christmas to you too.

Just to add, I can't watch Dog Rescuers without bawling my eyes out :(  xx

I find I do. The same 

Carlene 

Hi guys this is my first time on here , I had my stroke in January and have been in lockdown ever since. Just wanted a bit of advice on my crying and anxiety which comes every day now . I would definitely love some advice . Xxx

Dear Abbijamie

Stroke nearly always causes "emotionality" Usually crying at the slightest thing.

Some survivors have laughing at the slightest thing. Please note this crying is typical. And it eases and goes away. So try to let the tears flow and then carry on. The stroke association do excellent booklets and "emotionality" is one of them.

Lockdown just piles on the difficulty, but lockdown will go away given time.

Anxiety will slow down your stroke recovery. If you can do some relaxation each day then you can ease the anxiety. This will also help you sleep better.

There are many different ways to do relaxation and meditation, prayers, yoga and no doubt lots of other methods work well.

I use a tape (yes its that old) provided by a counsellor. And I use a sound device to help me sleep. The key to all this starts with being determined to sit quietly for 20 minutes. And to get every muscle to relax.

It also gives your over working brain a bit of a rest.

I always describe the stroke as a stroke and not my stroke. I didnt want it, I didnt choose it and its not mine.

You are coming up for 6 months and several good things can often happen about now. Its all horribly slow, but dont despair, things will and they do improve.

Smile four times a day. Or more.

Best wishes

Colin

 

Hi there and welcome. Tears are definitely normal and all part of the healing process so let them flow!  You've had double dosage with your stroke and then lockdown but good news is on the horizon.  Lockdown is easing slowly (and safely) so the usual channels of help will be readily available soon i.e, GP's, check ups, hospital etc.  The tears are caused by the trauma to your brain from the stroke. It is working extra hard in the first months to re-wire itself and this causes lots of emotions to surface including anger, grief for the person you used to be, fear of another stroke, bitterness - why me?  Please don't worry, this is all 100% normal and we have all been there so we know how you feel.  Best thing is not to try and bottle it up or put a brave face on.  Explain to those around you how you feel and if you need a little time to let it out, just excuse yourself and go for a quiet half hour alone.   

Difficult at the moment due to Covid but later on try if you can to treat yourself once a while to either have your nails done, or have a massage, facial or go completely full on and push the boat out with a make over - why not?  You're worth it!