Completely lost after my Husband's stroke

Hi, this is my first time posting.

It’s been just under 2 years since my husband’s stroke. I’d hoped life would get easier in time but it doesn’t feel like much has changed and I’m exhausted and mentally drained.

My husband suffered a large stroke in June 2020, has limited speech, partial eyesight, still terrible fatigue and unable to do much of what he loved. His love of reading was cruelly taken away. He suffered with depression before the stroke and that has remained. I love him but find it all so hard to cope with. Emotionally he is very up and down and will think of nothing of spending days on end in bed, no matter how much I try to encourage him to get up. He was receiving psychiatric help last year but after refusing to attend several sessions was discharged from the service.

Some days when I try to speak to him he’ll just grunt back, though when on the phone to his friends he makes a real effort to try and talk.

Most of the time can’t be bothered with anything and I feel he’s just given up. I am younger than him and work full time so trying to work and care for him is a struggle. We don’t have any help from family.

Whilst I am very sorry he is suffering so much, so am I. Most days are difficult and I sometimes wonder how much more I can take. His emotions almost make it impossible. He can be pleasant and helpful one day then days follow of avoiding me and not wanting to partake in anything, including meals.

I’d love to know how other people cope and would really welcome some advice.

Thank you for reading.

Sam

Unfortunately, stroke does affect relationships. In my early days of recovery he joined a local Carers group, which he found very supportive. Is there one in your area? Back then I could be very touchy and bad tempered. Fortunately, I could see how negative this was and stopped. I also encouraged him to have time away from me so as to have some space.

Fortunately, after six years, I am much improved although still partially disabled. I can still get tetchy, but never let it show. Welcome to our forum.

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@Garbutts hi Sam welcome to our forum but really sorry about your husbands stroke. I can imagine how frustrating it is for both of you. You must keep your own interests going as well as supporting your husband.

maybe your husband is struggling to accept this and if you are younger it may make it harder for him, though no excuse not to treat you right yet be different with his friends though I do get it what you are saying!

I hope someone can jump in here and give you better advice. Sorry it’s all I’ve got sending you the bestest wishes and hope kindest regards Loraine :hugs:

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Hi Sam @Garbutts welcome to the forum, though I’m sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in.

Stroke affects not just the person who had the stroke but their loved ones too. You need to take time out for yourself, as @John_Jeff_Maynard mentions if there is a carers group in your area or zoom meetings you should join, it’s tough being a carer and it’s far too easy to burn yourself out especially as you’re working full time.

We’re here if you want to chat, there are carers on this forum who should be able to offer support and advice from their perspective (I’m not a carer myself, I had a stroke).

I wanted to reply to send you best wishes, big hugs :hugs::hugs:

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Sorry to hear about your struggles. It’s easy to say but hard to do but in time it will get better. Do u have a community stroke team near you, get you get care team in to help you have you ask the adult social services to see if this is possible. Also this would help you get so e to e for yourself. Hope thing do get better with kind regards des

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Hi Sam – I benefited from counseling after my stroke, as I was very depressed. Since, your husband has stopped going, why not take another tactic. Suggest that you are very unhappy, you think your marriage might be in trouble because of it, and suggest you both need couples therapy. He might go if he thinks it’s to help you. Perhaps in therapy together, the therapist can address how you are relating to each other (i.e. his attitude towards you, the general attitude in the home making you unhappy, etc.) Just an idea. :slightly_smiling_face: :heart:Jeanne

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Thanks so much for all your replies, it can all feel so lonely and your kind words are comforting. I’ll have a look at carers groups

Many thanks
Sam

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Hi Sam, I can relate to some of your story although my husband had his stroke more recently and has been home for just a couple of months but I found it really difficult to accept our new way of life and what I saw as my loss of liberty. He is not depressed but shows no emotion around what’s happened to him which seems, to me, to hamper his motivation to take steps to get better and I feel I’m constantly nagging him to try things. I made the decision to continue to work full time as I felt I needed something else to focus on which would improve my mood and ultimately be beneficial to both of us. Have you consider Counselling for yourself? I keep thinking about it but haven’t taken it up just yet. I have a couple of true friends who allow me to off load on them and I try to appreciate the small things. You have my sympathy and best wishes that you find a way through this. Good luck