Hi, just thought I’d share this. Sole carer for my husband. I’m finding I get overwhelmed every couple of weeks and the only thing that seems to ease it is a good cry. At first I wouldn’t allow myself to give in to it but now if I need to I wait until I’m in the shower or I go into the garden or when I’m walking my neighbours dog. It seems to be a reset for me. I don’t like to let my husband see me upset. Any other carers out there feel like this?
I’ve been reading your struggles and you sound as if your doing good and sensible things
The question of how carers cope is a good one to share
My wife runs zoom call every other Wednesday normally 1030 for carers to share a sympathetic ear and a coffee and chat
Its on https://bit.ly/StrokeCarersCafe
Next is 1st March
@Winnie39 you might like too join too?
Stroke survivors also experience that.
I lost the old me, your husband lost the old him,
you lost the old him, too.
It is a grieving process, perfectly natural I believe.
The tears are, strangely, sometimes enjoyable and there can be a sense of relief.
Keep on keepin’ on
Incidentally I allowed my carer, my wife to see that emotion.
I believe that in sharing we are that bit closer.
Hi Simon. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Mornings are usually pretty busy for us but it’s good to know about this.
Hi, new to this as my husband had his stroke 5 weeks ago.
Thought I was being selfish when the tears came, so glad I joined this site.
It doesn’t make you feel so alone.
Hi @Food a good cry can do us all good at times. Hopefully you’ll find lots of support and info here.
Wishing you and your husband all the best, take care
Welcome to the StrokeWarriors club (ie those of us who now wobble & our families
I know the ‘gang’ here will give great support. I hope your journey is a good one. We wouldn’t volunteer to be here but now we are there are some positives that help if embraced like appreciation for life
I just sometimes feel guilty and if I am honest, selfish when it isn’t me that has had the trauma of a stroke.
I really do appreciate your support.
Shazza58, I know exactly what you mean. My wife had a severe stroke in January last year and came home on 1 April. I have been her 24-hour carer ever since (supported by four care visits per day for pad changing, personal hygiene stuff) and will remain so. It’s relentless, and although I try to stay positive and cheerful it does get to me every so often. It’s a combination of the grief and loss, the physical isolation, that I just can’t do any of the things I used to like to do myself, and what appears to be a blank future. But at least these online forums do remind us that we are not alone. Take care.
Have you investigated carers respite?
Thanks for your reply, I know things could be much worse and I should be thankful fie the things my husband can do for himself. People tell me to make time for myself but what they don’t always understand is that at the moment I’m not comfortable leaving him on his own for too long and he doesn’t think he needs “baby sitting” so won’t accept carers. Regards
Not ready to yet but maybe in the future. Regards
My wife is blind, i had a stroke on the 30th of December 2021 and I’m stll depressed, fatigued , disorientated and right side weak but beteen us both we get by rather well i believe. I have had to give up taking my dog walking, got a dog walker, i have a problem with falling over and Linda my better half worries when i am out of sight as i worry about her tripping. Luckily my eyes still work so I’m able to sort out our meals, tablet’s and letters and our kids do my thinking for us, i SUFFER with brain fog, it comers on at the most inconvenient time. The worst was not being allowed to drive it really ties you down
Enough of the moans, we take life as it comes always with love and a bit of humour, we have been married over 50yrs and she’s my best friend. We also have good friends who take us out for lunch and coffee. We hopefully will continue to live our lives as fully as possible.
As Monty Python said" Aways look on the bright side of Life" what’s the point of making yourself upset you can only do what you can do what you and strive to push the barriers a bit further bit by little bit if you can’t dont worry , it’ll wait and try tomorrow . AlwAys try and smile.
Hi Shazza, my mam had a stroke in January and while shes been lucky in that she not been left with any physical weakness she is often very confused and can get quite angry and frustrated. Shes 91 but was very fit and active prior to the stroke. I do the majority of the caring and yes, its very hard and i cry alot, my husband is wonderful. Like your husband my mam hates the idea of carers so at the moment we are just having to cope although at 91 ultimately know itcwill have to come at some point, especially as i work too.