How recovered were most of you when you partner or carer felt able to leave you at home alone for long periods of time or over night, my dear wife is trying to make sure one of our big kids or my 16 year old son is at home before she feels calmor comfortable with leaving me. I guess it’s my falls that worry her, can any forum members share their wisdoms.
I encouraged my partner to have space away from me as soon as possible after coming home. To do so, you have to make sure you stay in one place e.g. chair or napping. You also need to assure them you will not do anything to put yourself at risk.
Hi, I think I had been out of hospital for a few months when my husband began leaving me alone for an hour while he took our dog for a walk. I’m not sure who was more nervous, me or him. I checked the clock constantly waiting for him to get home. We gradually increased my time alone. He finally returned to work and I am now alone for about 8 hours a day. He makes me something for lunch before he leaves for work and I can make myself a cup of tea when I need one. I feel quite happy on my own and always encourage him to meet up with friends and to play golf occasionally. I wouldn’t be able to spend the night alone, as I need to wear my AFO if I need to use the loo in the night.
I have given my wife her own space spend the day in my electric recliner mostof the day or on my laptop in my office.all movement is mainly to and from the bathroom Al steady and with a stick, she is planning to go to a Christmas do in Manchester and is getting over leaving me to get my own food and getback to my chair
@mrfrederickson my husband left me for short periods fairly soon after coming out of hospital. He did ensure I had everything I needed first so I didn’t have to move far. I can’t remember exactly but he started leaving me for longer periods after a month or so as he had to go back to work. He’d pop home at lunch time. Now he will leave me all day (8 months on). I make sure I always have my phone with me in case of any issues but manage ok.
I too encourage him to have time away from me as its difficult & tiring for him & I need my own space too.
I guess I would suggest if you’re going to be left a whole you ensure you have everything you might need within easy reach, ensure you can get hold of someone in an emergency & promise her you won’t do anything daft. Start with shirt periods then increase the time apart gradually.
Thanks sounds admirable.she leaves me for a nhour or so to walk the dog, I do silly things and keep my phone on me until she returns I think it is when she is out all evening at shows wi our grown kid’s I’ll get there I am better than I think
@mrfrederickson the others have given good advice, you have to be able to reassure her you’ll not do anything to put yourself at risk or she’ll be reluctant to leave you alone, keep your phone handy, start with short periods.
Having your son around with ease her mind, especially if it’s overnight she’s leaving you to your own devices.
Your wife will need time to recharge her batteries, so it’s a positive step forward for you both.
Morning @mrfrederickson. I really believe it is important for us both to have our own time. I encouraged my husband to leave me and spend time fishing which he is obsessed with very soon after coming out of hospital. Initially he would only do it when my parents were over but I although very grateful to them I felt claustrophobic in my own home when they were staying and extremely fatigued. I had an open conversation with them about how it was affecting me which they graciously accepted. Cameron started going fishing, a few hours at first but then all day. It helped to know when he wants to go as I could organise my time. He has days when work means he is away all day now and sometimes I even look forward to them as I am free to get on and do housework/gardening at my own speed working up to making a meal for when he gets home which makes his life easier so it feels more like a partnership. The advice given already about having your mobile always in reach is a massive one to allay others’ fears. Wishing you and your wife progress with this, Julia
Hi everyone, something else I would strongly recommend when you are spending time at home alone is a Life Line Alarm. You wear either a pendant around your neck or on your arm as a watch and you press if you get into difficulty The model I use also has a fall detector which goes off automatically should you have a fall.
If you press for help, it goes to a call centre and they will call your nominated person to help. We definitely feel more confident about me being at home alone.
A life line alarm is being installed for my husband soon. I am hoping this will alleviate some of his anxiety when I am out, even for an hour. His sense of time and day is non existitent. There is a sense from the rehab team that he is not following the normal pattern for stroke recovery and that there is something else going on. He used to be ok to be left for a while and also he did learn his way round the house but now gets lost even with my guidance. He imagines he is not at home more and more. The team will refer him to a team that can assess for vascular dementia. This is 5 months post stroke and all very scary.
Thanks everyone for your support and good wishes. It’s just nice to be able to share this with you to spread the burden a bit. I feel as if I’m sinking into a big black hole of unknown size at the moment.
Two months down the line and the lifeline has posed different challenges. He doesn’t understand the difference between wanting something and an emergency so presses the button for all the wrong reasons so it isn’t really much help. However I do have some good news as well. I need someone to sit with my husband even if I just want a haircut as that is more than an hour. He gets very anxious when I am out. I was desperate as I don’t mind paying for care as they are actually doing something for their money but £25+ per hour is prohibitive on a regular basis for providing befriending. I posted an item on the neighbour forum asking for a volunteer to sit with my husband as a friend and I was overwhelmed with offers of help, 19 in all. I have used two ladies so far and they have been amazing. They came round initially for a cuppa to meet us and then each did a sitting for an hour and a half. I intend to contact a couple more of the volunteers so that I have a few to contact for help as the same ones won’t always be available. Of course they can use the lifeline should anything medical happen. My faith in human nature has been restored.