Well, it happened. I got angry and said some stuff.
It’s fine, and probably maybe a bit better because I did, but we just had a rollercoaster of an hour-long discussion. And she cried more over probably having to give up her dog than upsetting me… which doesn’t surprise me (I know my mum) but it still hurts.
At a baseline showing me empathy as an adult is something she’s never really done, why should it start now?? There are SO MANY ISSUES here. I feel helpless in every direction.
We even had the “go home then, I’ll be fine” when I said I have larger concerns than my weight right now* because I’m burning through all my mental capacity looking after her. And she WON’T be fine, and she doesn’t care. But saying think of me perhaps in all this just doesn’t do anything, there’s nothing there when I say that.
I hate all of this. I wish I was a daughter who could just live with themselves and leave her to get on with it.
I’m so upset and just keep welling up. I hate this.
*It all started when she said my friend visiting on Thurs is going to notice how fat I’ve gotten. Real charmer. I don’t care about my weight (esp right now) but food/weight is a deep trigger with me&mum and it just opened a fricking maw of emotion inside me this morning.