Hi! I had a really big meltdown this afternoon. All unexpected and all needed. So many little frustrating things happened today, on top of almost two weeks feeling unwell. Suddenly when my hubby asked me if I was OK all the frustrations eating me up just came out, couldn't be held in. I sobbed and sobbed. My really loving and very patient husband just sat beside me and held my hands. Bless his soul! I kept saying I miss the old me.
An amazing thing happened. While I was sobbing uncontrollably our cat, Thor, made all sorts of noises looking at me and eventually put down his claws on my lap as if asking "Mom, what's wrong? Everything will be OK." And when I settled down he settled down by the radiator to sleep. Well he has done his bit already, brilliantly I must say! LOL!
I feel much better now. I needed that release. I needed that meltdown. Until the next time. Stroke and menopause - what a combination to welcome me to my 50s. So much frustrations and disappointment. So many things I have to learn to accept but I have to remind myself constantly that there are so many things I have to be thankful and appreciative for, including being here and able to share my experiences with you all. Best wishes to us all.
I think you are very much the heroine for telling us about this.
We do need an understanding spouse, not to mention a caring cat.
I hope this isnt the wrong time to say, but I failed to get a good nights sleep and usually a disaterous day follows. But I have had the best day in weeks. I am thinking faster and more clearly, I did a few of those jobs that often defeat me, such as climb in the loft to get, in todays case, some spare drinking glasses. Realized said glasses are in the loft of my other house, which I cant get to and still it didnt phase me. Then I got some heavy work done in the garden, digging out the compost heap, and then I weeded a veg plot. And I still feel good ! If only tthis could be every day then it would be the transformation that I long for.
So please forgive yourself for the outburst and please look towards some better days. They come along just as unexpectedly as the bad days.
Are you really 50 ? It must be an old photo that you use on this site.
Everything always feels better after a good cry ! ... and don't get me started on Stroke and menopause! You've come a long way and the only way now is up x
Thank you Colin, in so many levels! Yes, there are more good days than bad. Especially with the love and support of my family and friends. Nope, the picture was just taken a few months ago.
Thank you very much. Yes, I find after crying and sobbing to my heart's desire I feel better and I am ready to face the world again. I just feel sorry for those who are unfortunately within my vicinity when I have those meltdowns. The drama queen, LOL! (And yes, stroke and menopause, arghh!)
Ruby, Living as a stroke survivor is not easy. There is an old self who seemed to be super accomplished and a new self rattling round in a dysfunctional body. The new self is prone to sudden changes of mood, inner anger and outer clumsiness. It does get somewhat better, but it takes time. Even then, your brain will think back to how wonderful life was, forgetting that some of that wonderful achievement and ability is some time in the past.
My partner and I are off on a short break soon and I realised today that one of the planned activities is actually way beyond my present capabilities. I told my partner he must do it, because that is the main activity of the break, but I will forego it. I have emphasised that this is my decision and I am content with it. Even to attempt it would be foolish.
I have no cat to sympathise with me, but we have a wonderful garden full of flowers, birds, bees and butterflies. My contentment now lies in small things, though I fight every day for a little more improvement.
Thank you very much John. Have a lovely time during your break. And it is up to you to decide what you want or not want to do. Yes, at this stage of my recovery I find the ACCEPTANCE bit of my mantra really challenging. But I will persevere to accept what happened but continue moving and working on my rehabilitation. I have to keep reminding myself not to be unrealistic in my expectations but at the same time I should never unnecessarily limit my horizon.
As i ate my dinner I tried to work out whether I had complimented you on how young you look or had I inadvertently done the opposite.
This is the sort of thing that my brain no longer works out and I could get very cross with myself when my brain fails yet again. There are worse things in life than that and I think I have gotten off quite lightly.
As I mentioned, I have had a really good day and when its time for a bad day I try hard to remember the good days.
I am keen for friday to arrive so that I can get to do odd jobs that I want to do, but have been unable to do. Things are improving. I am 46 months and still things improve.
! ... and don't get me started on Stroke and menopause! You've come a long way and the only way now is up x
Yes, at this stage of my recovery I find the ACCEPTANCE bit of my mantra really challenging. But I will persevere to accept what happened but continue moving and working on my rehabilitation. I have to keep reminding myself not to be unrealistic in my expectations but at the same time I should never unnecessarily limit my horizon.