Sorry to post so late but I will be staying up until 2.27am this morning when it will be my 10msa (does that work?!)
@Rups wow 3 must have really made you think - I hope at mine and I WILL make it - that I have learned to be as eloquent as you
I wrote in my planner a few days ago for today:
Heather (OT) 11am
10 months today - so what?
But it turns out I actually am feeling something. I’m very stressed for various reasons at the mo - not all to do with my strokes and my BP is really really of concern. With a doctor strike I’m trying so hard to not need any kind of medical stuff over the nest few days… I don’t want to be even more of a burden on the NHS.
I feel that whilst I have recovered somewhat in some ways now:
I’m on 9 different meds a day (previous 1)
Cant read books
Can’t go out by myself
I guess I’m just feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment - come on Kieran - man up.
I did see west ham in great seats.
I have lots of support - not least you guys and I can still walk and talk - albeit one not much and one far too much!!
I’m not sure where I’m going with this.
Just feel a bit sad for the things I used to be able to do but then also trying to embrace what I can get / do / ask for / get help with etc.
So I will say roll on 2.27 and I will say to death once again - NOT TODAY.
10 months ago. Can’t believe I took a selfie have no recollection of that - last thing I could do or say. JP says I was calm and said something like ‘I’I need help I’m having a stroke call 999 and say FAST’?!?!
It was good to meet you on the zoom call yesterday, and I’m so pleased you enjoyed the match at West Ham. I’m sorry you’re feeling stressed and anxious at the moment, I’m also fairly new to all this - my last stroke was just over 7 months ago. I’ve found this forum and the associated calls are a great source of support - so please keep using them along with other support mechanisms you have, and I’m sure that will really help get through the more difficult times.
@KGB it’s normal to have the anxieties etc but as @Bobbi says they do ease over time when you start to do more & realise you survived it & nothing bad happened.
You should try & find some relaxing things to do or something you enjoy to try & get the blood pressure down & for it to stay down.
One of my colleagues, who worries worse than anyone I’ve ever met, was advised by a counsellor to keep a worry diary. Write her worries in it then for half an hour each day shee was allowed to look at the book & do her worrying. Crossing out anything she could do nothing about however much she worried & concentrating on those she could affect. After the half hour the book went away until next day. It worked for her.
It’s right & proper You’re sad for the things you used to be able to do. That’s part of a PROCESS made of several steps that is normally labelled the grieving process. Passing through each step allows you to progress to the step ahead which eventually will be acceptance and then moving on .
At some point you will have the majority of your focus on the things you can and the things you want to be able to do. Then set them as goals and achievements break them down into what you have to do to enable the goals and work on them purposely.
For example I have a goal to eat my food with a knife and fork. One of the enablers for that is to bring my index finger to the point where it doesn’t slip off the knife. That will also enable me to practise calligraphy or perhaps as the other way around.
I know what I can do. It’s much more than I could do a month or 6 months or a year ago and it’s on the way to what I will be able to do in 6 months and years time
There’s physical healing and mental healing and a mental realignment for which there isnt obvious and visible advice but when you find your compass you’ll find the way - but you have to know to look for the compass
I saw you in the Group chat on Thursday. You’re on 10 months ; I’m similar at 1 year today strokeaversary. And what a year. Since Thursday I’ve had a nightmare 34 hours of locked Glute… that’s painful, and I am left a little bit in shock, so today apart from my Physio session for an hour I have not worked out on my treadmill etc. I have obviously been working myself too hard lately. So much for wanting to “go for it”.
“Man up” is exactly what my Chinese Dr. said to me around month 4, when I was at my lowest. My body was “mashed potato” ; I had no muscle tone on my stroke side and slept no more than 1 hour per day for a month. My stroke was 26/42 on the NHS severity scale, and my BP was 269 / 198. I can’t walk much, and if I can walk around the house on a good day, I walk like a penguin.
I’ve been to hell and back this year. But my wife is glad I’m still here. I hope this next year will go a lot more smoothly. I certainly have gained much respect for all the stroke warriors, and know what it is like to fight for one’s own survival.